Leaderboard

It was bad choices and not being in control. I'm not sure why you are so offended. Right now I'm about your height and a few lbs heavier, when I started to get up there I hit the breaks at 232 and said enough is enough and started to put less food in my pie hole. It worked wonders. It was my bad choices and not paying attention that I wasn't a kid anymore who could eat and eat and eat without consequences. It doesn't just 'happen' on its own. I'm also not sure that kind of post prevents people from losing weight. A while ago someone came to the board with the usual 'I'm over weight will I still be able to swing' typical post. He got the usual 'it doesn't matter' responses, but I had the audacity to mention he could always diet with some advice. This was of course 'offensive' to some but the poster decided he would be happier if he lost the weight. Interestingly I have gotten PM's from frequent posting board members who don't want to seem 'mean' about weight issues but have been glad I made the posts I've made. So while numbskulls isn't reall delicate in posting style, I don't think anything there is inherently offensive.

Quotes like these have led us to wonder about the things that motivate swingers to choose the partners they play with. Many of you have expressed distain at being desired for a particular characteristic, especially in regard to weight and race. We can understand wanting to be appreciated as a total person when it comes to vanilla relationships, but when it comes to something as uncomplicated as recreational sex (at least it's supposed to be uncomplicated), why should that matter as long as the sex is good? If an attractive swinger wants to play with you because he/she likes your bubble butt or admires your bulging biceps, why would that person's motivation matter to you?

Honestly, I don't care what their motivation is. We're all here for some reason or another. Variety is a commonly stated theme, and that's fine. Variety is the spice of life and all that rot. lol I guess my thing is I don't have to KNOW why you picked me only that you did. If I want to be deluded into thinking that it was my sparkling personality or my amazing dance moves that convinced you...well let me be deluded. It's more of a respect issue on some level and I like to feel respected. I mean, I just can't see myself removing the filter long enough to say to potential partners, 'I'm looking for a guy with a 9" dick that can fuck for hours, don't fit that bill? Too bad so sad. Next!' We can limit ourselves by our preferences and potentially miss out on good experiences. So if you pick me because you like big girls, or big boobs, or whatever your kink is...I don't care, I just don't necessarily need to hear those words out of your mouth. They are a total turn off to me and I will move on. JMHO. Maria

You know, when we started going to swingers board meet ups and meeting folks we have come to know as friends from the board, we had this same worry. Turns out that we were worried for nothing. We have now met a quite a few people from the board and it has yet to change the way we post our thoughts. Nor have we noticed any change in the thoughts posted by others we know personally. I guess we just realize the we will not always agree with each other and have gotten to know our friends here well enough over the years to appreciate their honest opinion even if we don't always agree with it.

This is kind of an interesting thread and thanks to Julie for bumping it back up. My thoughts on this are that the people that often post their thoughts and questions on this board are the "THINK TANK" of the swinging community. Folks here pose personal and legitimate questions and then others will thoughtfully consider the questions and then offer their honest thoughts on the matter. No one claims to be right and disagreements definately do break out and it isn't alway pretty. Not only that but the thoughts and advice offered are not always what people want to hear. For me what separates this board from all the others out there is that this does not have a hook-up feature and it is not a meet market. While I agree that there are people on here I would like to meet and do believe we would become friends I believe the fact that I will most likely NOT meet any of the people here keeps my thoughts pure and honest. I frequently do post on a local site that we are on but I say things here and offer thoughts and questions here that I would NEVER say on that site because I realize that I will most likely not meet anyone here in the flesh. What I say on our local hook-up site is way watered down and politically correct compared to what I say here due to the fact that people do not often like to hear what I have to say or how I say it and will not hop into bed with me because of that:lol: I pose questions here that I would not pose around people that know me as I do not want to show my own insecurities and hang ups to my prospective bed partners and I offer opinions and advice here that is often not polically correct and I offer what I see are truths that are sometimes down right ugly. So while I may really want to meet some of you the truth is when I pose a question I want your honest and pure answer even if it hurts my feelings or pisses me off. I don't want you to edit yourself or water down your answer because you don't want to harm your chances of scoring the next time you go out. conversely I want to give you the same respect and honor when I you pose a question and I want you feel confident that I am giving you my honest thoughts as well.

I just remembered something I do so often I don't even think of it as a safety precaution. Before I even tell anyone about me, I ask them about local coffee shops chain restaurants like TGIFridays or Applebees. I don't get into the sex talk until they let me know they are willing to talk about normal stuff. I don't meet many swingers that want to talk about where they eat before they talk about their favorite positions. I don't even consider them for further conversation becasue it makes me feel unimportant to them. I know swinging is just recreational sex, but if I'm going to spend the time to travel 100 plus miles to meet someone, I want to know something about them other than her bra size. From there it is easy to determine their motives, habits, and whether or not both are on board or if one is pressuring the other to swing. Trouble usually starts when one party is expecting more or is prepared for less than the other party. BTW, where is the next party? I'm tired of being the good guy. Its time to get baaad again. LOL

While I clearly don't agree with a previous poster as to the whole "what women are really saying angle", I agree with the "why" is she interested in you finding another girlfriend. That part isn't clear. What is her reasoning? Why does she think this will work for your marriage? I'm waiting for those who are more wise in this to pop in, but just keep talking. I am in an open marriage, and what makes this work is the complete honesty of both parties. Sure, it looks great on paper, but there are problems and disadvantages you face as a married man that I do not experience as a married woman in a open relationship. This is where I say "good luck" if you decide to pursue this. It has been rather difficult for my spouse to meet others. I can post an ad in any number of sources for an on-the-side experience and end up with an overflowing in-box. The spousal unit? Ummm, one response, and only one experience to date. If you end up in such a relationship, the three of you would be the ones deciding on the discretion. There are posts in this forum describing the level of openness some have. Possible and enjoyable? Yes. There are several forms of possible alternative relationships to swinging, and you'll find people doing it and happy in each form. You'll also find those for whom it didn't work out and they aren't considering it any more, or they chalked it up to life and will try again if it works out that way. You've got an entire forum devoted to those that are interested in polyamory. I'm telling directly that my spouse and I are in an open marriage, and we are fine, happy and well-adjusted (so far). Yes, there are plenty of those that only practice straight-up swinging, just like there are those that only do monogamy, or those that only practice whatever it is they practice. You two are the only ones that get to decide whether monogamy, swinging, polyamory, open marriage, etc. are right for you. The two of you are the only ones that get to decide the right path for you in anything in your life. As long as you two continue to talk and make your choices openly and together, then the most anyone should try to opine is, whatever works for you - keep up the communication and good luck to you - we'll be here if you want to talk or you need advice! Again, I just think you are going to find it difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. It's not like you can go on Yahoo personals or Match dot com, or the like - being married, you technically can't place ads. You may not get much interest on the swing sites. My spouse doesn't. He's managed to meet friends in real life, only one of which has evolved into a sexual relationship. It's just harder for men for reasons from women are seeking long time partners, to other women not quite understanding what's being asked, etc. It's a lot easier for me to announce to the world that I can have sex outside my marriage, but I'm not seeking marriage - plenty of men interested in non-committed sex and some of those men are interested in friends with benefits arrangement. But my spouse hasn't found the same on his side of the coin. As far as what you should look out for and pitfalls - I'm worthless on that point and so would my spouse. We just really try to let things be what they are and let these relationships find their own level, so to speak. My spouse is very good at this - I am not, but if I let things be what it will be and evolve at its own pace, things seem much smoother and happier/more fun. I think pitfalls again would fall into a more personal realm for you and your wife. My pitfall of overthinking things constantly might not be your pitfall and your wife may have her own set of things that will be an issue for her. Luckily for you, there's an entire forum that might have something better to add. Thanks for the post, and I hope you get some other responses. Do keep talking with your wife. And I really hope your wife will consider coming here as well for her perspective. We don't bite - really!

Numbskulls, That was probably one of the most personally offensive posts that I have read on this board. You are an opinionated young pup and I’m going to give you a little touch of reality here. I am male, just a hair under six feet tall, and according to the Doc last Thursday I weighed in at 207 pounds. Not bad for an old geezer like me huh? Only 2 pounds over what I weighed when I got out of the Navy in 1986. I can’t leg press 700 pounds like I could back then. But I’m in pretty good shape and can handle an 800 pound motorcycle at 80 miles an hour with a 175 pound passenger and pull a trailer with two weeks of luggage and junk for 1,100 miles in a day. I actually match up with your skinny healthy fit person don’t you think? What you don’t know is that I weighed 335 just a couple of years ago. I didn’t get that big in 24 hours, it took 20 years, and it was not intentional! It wasn’t bad choices or not being in control. It is life. And I didn’t have medical challenges such as diabetes or a host of other medical ailments that caused it. You don’t have a friggin clue what it is like to be that big. Nor, do you have a friggin clue as to how to lose the weight. You can type your BS as a young in your prime pup and make statements that are the kind of things that PREVENT people who are overweight from getting control of things. And the type of statements you made really piss me off. Go live in your Vogue Magazine world and leave people who have their own challenges alone. Because you don’t have a clue and your rude ugly comments are a major part of the problem. All of the diets and all of the gyms and all of the multi-billion dollar exercise equipment industry is there to fleece people of their money and they don’t really give a rats ass if they lose weight or not. They are making their 16 payments of $35.95 for a piece of junk that is an oversized paperweight in their basement, and that is all that they care about. They are paying for “diets” of all flavors that don’t work worth a damn because they don’t address the problem or how to solve it. They just take advantage of people’s low self esteem until they get to frustrated and quit until they pick up the next patent medicine program and start paying out the ass chasing a dream that you don’t and can’t understand. Stepping off my soap box now. I appologise if I violated the board's rules in this post, if I did, I'm sure a moderator will let me know. Have a nice day. S