Leaderboard

Hi safireblues, I know what you mean. None of us is at the top of our game at all times. Sometimes we aren't feeling so great about ourselves, for whatever reason. If I'm going through something or feeling vulnerable and not up for even the potential for rejection or drama, or expending the time/energy it takes to chat, meet people and make swinging decisions, I feel like stepping back, too. I'm all for taking breaks if you're just not into it, or only semi into it, for any reason, including your reason. Some pointed out that swinging is a boon for a woman's self-esteem. I agree and I get what they're saying, but at the same time, swinging can also feel like pressure and can actually wear on our self-esteem. We know we need to "measure up" and that every time we meet with people, we're being sized up. Decisions are going to be made as to whether we're worthy or unworthy; interesting or not; sexy or not. I think there's more of a burden on the woman in swinging to be the "bait" for the couple. This is why men often wear nondescript "casual Friday" work clothes to clubs and dates, and women feel they need to really stand out and go the extra mile (slut wear, etc). Bottom line, we are being judged. If our self-esteem is even a little off, that can wear on us. Is that how you're feeling about it? Did you talk to your hubby yet? Is the reason for your self-esteem issue something that can be changed, like something temporary? I hope it changes for you soon. About that woman not returning your call: I believe that often, the reason couples don't get back to people is because one or both of them have their own personal fears/issues that keep them from going through with it. Common reasons are that at least one just isn't quite ready and is possibly scared. Maybe somebody felt intimidated if you (or your hubby) seemed smarter, sexier, more virile, or any number of other things that they feel they're not. In other words, a lot of people don't follow through because of their issues about themselves, or fears/insecurities they have, and it's got nothing to do with you. They will never tell you this, either. They'd rather just disappear than to have to explain that. Hugs!

Neither of us is very picky about the things some couples are. We've been fortunate to have had a lot of excellent adventures with a wide spectrum of folks, all shapes, sizes, ages, races, demographic groups, income, education, and nationality. We're less interested in a person's looks than in their sexuality and their overall vibe. Not that we're seeking playmates who look like the troll from hell, but frankly, L has had some *excellent* sex with guys whose looks have probably kept most other women from giving them a second thought. But they had good vibes, they were sexual people, and they knew how to use what they had to pleasure L. A win-win for all of us. Yes, people -- guys, mostly -- send us pix of themselves (or parts of themselves, ahem!), but we don't decide to meet based on the pix. It's the vibe that does it for us. Our playmates MUST be respectful of L. She enjoys being a slut, but guys need to treat her like the lady she is. And they must be respectful of our relationship. No pushy, demanding people. That's not a vibe we find endearing. They must be clean. Having not bathed this week is a turn-off. Basic hygiene is a must for us. We are for them, and we expect the same respect. And they MUST be disease free. We prefer they be neat, but expensive showy clothes don't impress us. Besides, if you do it right, the clothes don't stay on too long. We prefer they be sober -- or almost, a little buzzed is OK. If they're wasted, they not only aren't competent playmates, they're not legally competent to give consent. Our ideal playmates are folks that we can pleasure who will also pleasure us. They don't have to be as experienced as us, or like all the same flavors we've enjoyed, but we need to feel confident they're going to enjoy the flavors we'll be indulging in with them. So, a few must-haves for us. A few. But overall, we aren't picky. Good sex with good people is what it's about for us.

From the husbands side of this, man would it have been a conversation on the way home had I found out that MrsVan turned down a couple because she felt sorry for me. Yea I know that the couple was also outside of your strike zone and if that was the only reason she said no to a couple I would be fine with it, but if she told me that she said no because she didn't think we liked them AND because the guy was 10 inches and she felt sorry for me being...well let's say a lot less than that. WOW! It isn't all about size, yea when I was younger I thought it was, but I can tell you that as a guy there is a lot more to pleasing a woman than just my cock. I think that this choice should be left open to the husband and the other wife. If she isn't interested because I am smaller than her husband, well her loss not mine. On the other hand, this guy was an ass! What makes a guy think that just because he is hung like Mr Ed that he has a right to flop it out across a woman's lap!?! Had I been your husband and I saw that, I would have been pissed and well it would have ended right there and not because he was huge, but because he had no class and well my wife deserves much better than that! -Van

You Lie about your names?!?!?...and i suppose you expect people to have sex with you and be honest about themselves??...hmm.."yea i dont have to tell em about my herpes..after all they lie about their name"....that is a great way to think.....another example of why we are so disgusted with swingers and swinging.......