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The swinging lifestyle is how we live. Sex with others is the hobby.

I had to say it was a lifestyle. But we need to examine a bit exactly how we define "lifestyle". The reason I said, for us, it was a lifestyle is because, after being away from actively playing for as long as we have, I'm realizing that there are certain bells you can't un-riing. Can you go back to monogamy? Sure. We effectively have and it hasn't harmed our relationship at all. But we still fully agree with all the principles of swinging and it is our preferred relationship style. Just because it's more fun, and it does't make sense to limit ourselves this way when we don't actually need to. So I think as far as the psychology of it goes, it's definitely a lifestyle. It's just a different way of thinking and looking at things, a different way of measuring the success of our relationship. Whether or not we put it into practice is sort of beside the point, and the actual playing is more like a hobby.

Susan here: There are many social and psychological dynamics. For the man, he's reclaiming his woman and reconnecting. For the woman, it's a reconnection and communication that sex with another man has not effected her relationship. Then, there's just the fun of watching sex, getting laid, etc. There's been studies confirming that observing something is almost as good in the mind as actually doing it. This would explain the thrill of everything from porn to sporting events to movies. So, for a man to watch his wife have sex, then have sex with her himself, it's a total 'double dipping'' rush. Frankly, you can analyze this stuff to death, but the only quesitons are is it a positive experience for you and are you having fun. For me, there's something so powerful in that first moment when another man enters me with his wife/gf watching: permission, lust, acceptance and more distilled into a single moment of sexual intercourse. But hey, that's me and I gotta be me