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Is there a big difference? Do those of you who swing as a married couple or non-married couple have different rules when it comes to swinging? It may not be a big deal, but I was just curious. As a married couple do you mainly play together or do you have the option of playing separately at a party, eventually reconnecting to continue the experience? My partner is more into the the idea of playing together with another couple versus individual swing. As for myself, I'm cool with either aspect, and feel either could be would be really fun, but I certainly would never go against her idea of how we should swing. Regrettably, we have yet to swing, but have attended parties. We're looking for a couple or couples that we could develop a relationship with as opposed to just going to a party and hooking up with someone (although that could be fun). Despite living in San Francisco, it has been difficult at best, to find that elusive couple.

I'm really glad you asked the question, Midnight Hour as it is one I have often wondered about. WR and I have had numerous discussions about some of the same exact things you brought up and I've made similar statements..."it just seems like so much work for some people." In fact, the other night in moderated chat, we touched on some of this in terms of rules and my stance that I didn't understand the need for all these stringent rules and boundaries wasn't well received by some since I am a single person. But really, what I think I was getting at was exactly what you are talking about. Vegas Lee kind of summed up some of my thoughts with these comments: My swinging experiences are far different from his and certainly, I'm far less involved in the lifestyle than he and Laura, but I suppose that I've been quite fortunate since the experiences I have had have been nothing short of fantastic. I've been able to have close, happy, and essentially stress free relationships with the people. In all cases (limited as they are), there was never any discussion of specific rules or boundaries or stuff of that nature. Certainly, we discussed likes and dislikes just as you would with anyone, but I never felt that there was some sort of script any of us had to follow. While getting to know people, you learn through general conversation what they expect and want and they learn the same about you. At least that has been my experience. Somehow, someway...it just developed into a rather free and easy and flowing thing. I can ditto many of your thoughts in terms of reading about so many unfortunate experiences others have had. And in real life for me, there have been occasions of crappy sex, too fast sex, non-performance sex...but I look on those occasions as being nothing more than real life and not anything to worry about. Those sorts of things happen to the best of us. However, I've also thought after reading some of the posts here - or wondered - if maybe people weren't putting too much pressure on themselves and/or their partners. Pressure to perform can be a real killer. Anyway...thanks for asking the questions. And thanks to Vegas Lee for his responses. At least now I know I'm not alone with some of my thoughts.

Well - the question is, "is it really worth it?" The answer is a hearty "YES!" You are right on the money, midnite - I have never had sex with anyone that rocked my world the way Mrs Spoomonkey does... I don't think it is possible... But then again, the sex in swinging and the sex at home is as incomparable as apples and oranges... It just isn't the same thing. The payoff - as I have said ad nauseum - is the fire that still burns when it is just the two of us. In fact, we have talked about the two times where we struggled with jealousy - her first time playing with another man and my first time playing with another woman. From a "debriefing" stand point, those experiences were tough. But - the week after my "issues" we were on each other like bunnies on viagra. As for her "issues", it is one of her hottest memories and she is working on writing a story about it for submission here... Jealousy is a real issue. But, when properly and lovingly worked through, it can uncover some incredibly erotic thoughts and memories... My theory (and take it for what it is) is that jealousy is often just lust mixed with insecurity. When you deal with the insecurity, the lust is pretty damn hungry. And - yeah... I've set the bar pretty high, so not every experience is "mind blowing" But the ones that have been... WOOHOO! Let's just say the fuel of those memories burns slow and hot...