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The unasked question is what would be his reaction if he did know all the details? You are not married. You've said you've told your boyfriend about your interests and he has said he is OK with it, but doesn't want to know about it. You didn't say, but from what you did say, we'd assume you do not live together. Just exactly how is this senario cheating? We see no vow you are breaking. Lots of couples might decline to play with you - it certainly isn't an ideal situation. There definately is a potential for problems between you and your boyfriend, and lots of people would be uncomfortable with him "not wanting to know". That is their prerogative, but calling you a cheater (i.e. a liar) is unfair. For what it's worth, we'd suggest you consifder showing your boyfriend your profile. Tell him what you are doing - broad strokes, not details. He needs this information in order to make informed choices about your relationship. Make sure he understands this is about sexual adventures and not emotional attachments. Be true to yourself, and give your boyfriend the opportunity to accept you for what you are. Best wishes!

So, his wife is not participating in any type of relationship outside of their marriage? Is she not open to that? On the flip side...you mention that even after 6 years he basically keeps questioning 'why you allow this to happen'. Maybe that's because he can't fathom giving his wife the same freedom that he has, and he can't quite wrap his mind around why you can? Honestly, I would just ask him why he keeps expecting the other shoe to fall (ie: drama). Although, since he and your wife are pretty chatty and tend to share life details...maybe she could turn the question on him after the next time the three of you get together?

The thought did cross my mind that "yep, there goes another persons fantasy in to the politically correct pile" We all know the issues that are involved with swinging, and as adults we choose what we want to risk and what we want to protect. If as a group no condoms are agreed up, then who are we to argue or wag fingers at them. The fantasy was hot, not my cup of tea, but neither is skydiving. I choose the safty of the condom and the ground. Many choose the thrill of no condom and plumeting to earth at break neck speeds. The safe sex talk really does need to be curbed in fantasy threads, it just kills the momentum. I will practice the level of safe sex that I am comfortable with, and the rest of you do the same. Besides how can you have a filled pussy if the guy wears a condom? Kinda makes the fantasy impossible. Have fun.

So the cheating not-cheating argument is more then a little charged. I think that it's not always so black and white. I know I'm to close to the situation to be objective about it. And as hypocritical as it will sound to some people, I'm very against cheating/cheaters/etc. I just see this as something I am doing for me, and not to him. It might be a tiny distinction, and I'm probably just justifying things to myself... but that's how I see it. I also think it's over simplifying to say that the choice is "what do you want more, him or sexual freedom and forget the other one". I know that my relationship is more important to me. But I wouldn't want to deny apart of myself anymore then I would want him to. That's hard to say. I am absolutely certain it's not something that would put an end to our relationship. *bolding mine* That's probably the best advice I've gotten so far; thank you. I'm thinking about bringing it back up with him, it's been a while since we originally talked about it. It's just hard.

This may be a distinction without a difference - but we wonder how often it happens that a person doesn't realize they took one for the team until after the sex act is complete. In your case, xxoticangel, you weren't attracted to this man, yet you had consensual sex, presumably hoping for the best. Ultimately, he disappointed you more than you could have imagined - it wasn't merely his appearance that was bad, he was also a bad lover. You took two for the team.