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Hmmmm, while we have only been swinging a couple years I don't know if I agree with your assessment of seasoned swingers complaining of how they had to walk ten miles in blinding snowstorms uphill (both ways) in July. Most of the things I have heard from the more seasoned people is that actually having sex 'back in the day' was a lot easier back then than it is now. Yes, the initial correspondence via snail mail and monthly swinger publications took longer to meet in person but when the time came to meet in person it was pretty well understood it was for a sexual experience and as long as noone got cold feet or there wasn't any actual disqualifications people got naked and down to business. If I hear the more experienced swingers complaining today it is often about how the "new lifestylers" today are actually more timid about sex than their predacessors and how today there are more people that just want to dress up slutty and dirty dance and for the chicks to nipple-lick on each other and then call it good and go home. If I hear old time "wife swappers" complain it is that people are more into the friendship thing and the flirting and teasing rather than getting naked and having a sexual experience.

AlexisC--Welcome to the board. As a single female myself, I can empathize with your situation even though I have not had a similar experience. My advice to you is continue lurking and soak up information from this board (There is certainly a wealth of it here, especially if you have the patience to put up with narrow minded couples who create their own private reality of what swinging is and is not.) By the dictionary definition I am a swinger, by your personal (and possibly community) definition I am not. Likewise cheating is going to be defined differently by person, couple, and community. You said a mouthful there, sister, but then again... do not expect most couples to embrace all of the definitions of swinging. Many would rather pick and choose the parts they believe in while trying to marginalize those they do not. As you correctly point out... swinging, in its primary and purest definition, is recreational, no-strings-attached sex between consenting adults. Period. No mention of couples vs. singles, commitment, faithfulness, friends first, any of that. Now, beyond that broad definition are many, many, many variants. The variant subscribed to by lots of the folks around here is couples who exchange partners, or "wife-swapping," to apply the more sexist term. Does that mean their way is the only way? Absolutely not, although they would have you believe that it is. Does that mean you're in for a cyber version of stoning whenever you expouse something different than that ideal around here? Perhaps so. As to the topic and your original query, I actually agree with a couple of other posters that your relationship with this guy is probably doomed. Even if he says he is ok with you stepping out and not having knowledge of it, it's simple human nature that ultimately he'll feel left out and resentful of your activities. You're probably better off in the long run to seek out a long-term relationship with someone whose personal values are more in line with your own. Swinging on your own, as a single female without the encumbrance of a non-participatory partner will then become less problematic and viewed more positively, simply because a potential cause for drama has been eliminated. (Do not, however, presume that you'll be any more welcome around here as a single, un-attached female than as a single, "cheating" female. Response from other members toward me has ranged from polite acceptance to overt disdain, with a definite bent toward the latter.) All the best to you, whatever you decide.

You scare him. He thinks you're both nuckin' futz, but he's screwing her and not you, so he's willing to put up with some of her lunacy. But not yours. He probably thinks you're going to come breaking through the door some night in a ski-mask with a chain-saw revving full speed, shouting, AH-HA! I CAUGHT YOU!

When we first started this, most of the clubs in our area (OH,IN, & KY) were either couples-only, or restricted the areas that single males could go within the club. In the past few years, we've noticed that almost all those clubs have relaxed those rules considerably. We've also noticed that some clubs have closed, others have gone through several changes of management, and attendance seems to be down at the ones still in operation. I have to wonder why this is all happening at a time when there are more couples signed up on SLS and SN, and more private parties than ever before. It's "money" on the part of the clubs, and general cluelessness on the part of the single males. It's hard to be successful in the nightclub business, because you have to pay rent and taxes every day of the month but you make most of your income (hopefully with enough left over for a little profit) in just 2 days each weekend. Many swing clubs make their monthly expenses on what the couples bring in, and whatever profit they make on what the single males bring in. As a business person I understand why they have to do what they do, but as a customer, I prefer to take my business elsewhere. It's a vicious circle. Most of the single males we've met at clubs are clueless about this lifestyle and what it takes to be successful at it. Part of that is because of their own inability to read people and situations, and part is because they've been lied to by those who sell "memberships" in swing clubs and various adult websites. Nobody ever tells them what their REAL chances of hooking up with somebody are and they can't figure out out on their own, which makes them easy targets for those people. It's a variation of the "Olongapo Hustle" (you ex-navy types will understand) "Buy me drink, sailor-boy? Sign up my website, sailor-boy? Many pretty pictures my pussy my website sailor-boy! Maybe even I meet you my club some night and we have big fun-fun time, just YOU and ME, sailor-boy!" You might not have a choice if it's the Toms, Dicks, & Harry's, (or "Marvin the Mouth-breather's", "T-shirt Tom's" and "LeBaron da Ladies man!") that are keeping the club open. Maybe private parties aren't so bad after all.

We see quite a few generational differences in swinging, although those differences may vary to some degree from region to region, as some have suggested. In our area, one of Colorado's oldest swing clubs recently disbanded largely due to generational differences. Realizing that their membership was aging itself out of existence, clubs leaders recruited some younger swinging to help lead the organization. Unfortunately, the younger swingers didn't see eye to eye with the older swingers, and the club eventually dissolved. In Denver, the remaining clubs are split largely along generational lines. Of the city's two on-premise clubs, one is generally know as the "young" club while the other is the "old" club. Furthermore, we recently attended the party of a particular off-premise club for the first time to discover that the crowd there was much older than the crowd we were used to at another club where we normally hang out. Being members of the 40+ group, we're not sure exactly how younger swingers perceive us, but our peers do hold some general beliefs about younger swingers (disclaimer:these are generalizations, so there are certainly many exceptions to these rules): 1. They have a greater tendency to socialize late into the night before starting any play, if they play at all. 2. They place a greater premium on beauty and fitness. 3. They are more prone to jealousy and drama. We've also noticed that young female swingers are quite fond of getting dressed to the nines on the weekends so they can put on girl/girl shows on the dance floor for their men. A friends of ours dubbed these ladies, "show ponies." Okay, young'uns...let us have it! What do you think of us old fogies?