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AlexisC, Welcome to the boards. I've lived through what you are going through twice, and I have an ex-girlfriend/swing partner that had to make the same choice you have to make. Its not easy to give up a part of your sex life, but you HAVE to choose between your sex life and your relationship, because if you are in an emotionally exclusive relationship with someone your sex life is part of that relationship. If your sex life and your emotional relationship with another person are seperate, you have no real say in the other person's life. Period. I'm really big on relationships(of all kinds), and if you can't sacrifice casual sex for the sake of the relationship with your boyfriend, leave the relationship. The ONLY thing worth taking seriously is your relationship with others. While there are many different levels of relationships, I treat each one with the same respect that I give my mother and grandmother. I don't step over any perceived boundaries. I don't break promises because something comes up that will be more fun. If I can't show up when promised I at least call and explain things at that time. And I don't hide things that should be in the open in the context of the relationship. Yes, every relationship is different, but some relationships come with built in rules that can't be broken, only amended by agreement by all parties involved. And saying "You can do what you want as long as I don't know about it" isn't agreement. Its the coward's way of saying "If thats how you feel, fine. I'll still have sex with you and play the good boyfriend, but the second I find someone that feels the same way I do, I'm gone." I hope I am wrong, but I don't see you and your boyfriend being together too much longer. Sooner or later, either you will meet a single man who is not only accepting of your desire to swing but encourages you and actually becomes more attractive to you than your current boyfriend emotionally, or he will meet a woman that cares more about being in a relationship with him than pursuing her potentially active and adventurous sex life. Forget talking about swinging, cheating, commitment. What kind of emotionally exclusive relationship are you looking for, and can you have that kind of relationship with your current boyfriend? If you want to swing and he doesn't, then you can't. You can't be emotionally exclusive and keep secrets of this magnitude.