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We kinda agree with two42lovers, some folks may be intimidated by swingers more active or experienced than themselves. We are probably more active than most. We're looking for good sex, and when it develops into friendship and repeat encounters, great. We're fortunate to have made lots of friends who we play with from time to time, as their availability and ours coincides. But we're also happy to play with new partners, both here in Raleigh and when we travel. For less experienced swingers, we offer an unthreatening encounter. We also allow them the opportunity to ask questions about swinging, which we answer based on our experience. Folks who are more active or experienced than us don't turn us off at all. However, we understand that some folks are looking for lifelong friends before they commit to any sexual encounter, and that's OK, too. All swingers need to play in the fashion that works for them.

Seems most who say "no post notchers or bed hoppers" basically mean they look down on people who are active swingers. (i.e. more active than them.) They are saying one night stands - and people who enjoy one night stands - are undesirable. Main idea they are trying to get across is they have no interest in people who play with numerous partners. People who play easily, who don't require a lot of relationship building to enjoy sex with someone, are kinda threatening to the "slow-poke swingers". Slow-poke swingers like to have a couple of months of emails and phone calls, and then four or five dinner dates, before they even think about sex -lol! ("Keep your pants on buster! This is only the fourth date - we don't even know if we're attracted yet!")

I say it's not for you to decide or censor photos unless they do not meet the sites criteria which is typically any children, beastiality, do-do, etc. Someone flipping a bird or heading a picture with "Lets Fuck Bitch" will be censored personally. If someone else looks at those pics are are offended by them then the pic originator is doing nothing but hurting themselves. So I say for those kinds of pics, let each viewer decide what they see as offensive. Personally, if I saw a picture with a heading "Lets Fuck Bitch", I'd just move on. But I don't need you or someone else to censor that for me.

You know according to the definition of the word you may be swinging. Just not from our type of tree. Our swinging (Speaking for me and the Queen) is to enrich our life through sexual experiences. Mostly with couples but the rules we have don't apply to you seeing how your not us. You need to understand that by posting you are asking for opinions. There is no real LAW book for swinging. If your BF says goes swing just leave me out of it then Damn have fun. Just don't expect that to be his real feelings. Sometimes men lie to there significant other because its what they want to hear. " No that dress doesn't make you look fat." " I really do love your parents." and " If having sex with other people makes you happy then go ahead just don't tell me about it.". They all sound pretty close to me. I if I were you I would think hard about the possibility that you are taking advantage of him being kind and generous enough in your relationship to put your need for something more then him above his emotional security and well being. Just a thought.

AlexisC--Welcome to the board. As a single female myself, I can empathize with your situation even though I have not had a similar experience. My advice to you is continue lurking and soak up information from this board (There is certainly a wealth of it here, especially if you have the patience to put up with narrow minded couples who create their own private reality of what swinging is and is not.) By the dictionary definition I am a swinger, by your personal (and possibly community) definition I am not. Likewise cheating is going to be defined differently by person, couple, and community. You said a mouthful there, sister, but then again... do not expect most couples to embrace all of the definitions of swinging. Many would rather pick and choose the parts they believe in while trying to marginalize those they do not. As you correctly point out... swinging, in its primary and purest definition, is recreational, no-strings-attached sex between consenting adults. Period. No mention of couples vs. singles, commitment, faithfulness, friends first, any of that. Now, beyond that broad definition are many, many, many variants. The variant subscribed to by lots of the folks around here is couples who exchange partners, or "wife-swapping," to apply the more sexist term. Does that mean their way is the only way? Absolutely not, although they would have you believe that it is. Does that mean you're in for a cyber version of stoning whenever you expouse something different than that ideal around here? Perhaps so. As to the topic and your original query, I actually agree with a couple of other posters that your relationship with this guy is probably doomed. Even if he says he is ok with you stepping out and not having knowledge of it, it's simple human nature that ultimately he'll feel left out and resentful of your activities. You're probably better off in the long run to seek out a long-term relationship with someone whose personal values are more in line with your own. Swinging on your own, as a single female without the encumbrance of a non-participatory partner will then become less problematic and viewed more positively, simply because a potential cause for drama has been eliminated. (Do not, however, presume that you'll be any more welcome around here as a single, un-attached female than as a single, "cheating" female. Response from other members toward me has ranged from polite acceptance to overt disdain, with a definite bent toward the latter.) All the best to you, whatever you decide.

I think I know how you are feeling. There was one couple in our past and I felt like she and I were such soul sisters. We met them a few times but never did hook up, and then they just disappeared. I guess it just never clicked between all four of us. I totally understand that as just a part of the lifestyle, nothing to be taken personally. However, the fact that she just disappeared (stopped responding to my e-mails, was never on Y-Messenger anymore or was invisible to me, etc.) when I felt we had this friendship connection really hurt. I wish we could have stayed friends, even if we were just vanilla friends. It's one thing if someone you've just met doesn't reply to you, and quite another when someone you consider a friend doesn't. It hurts - but you have to realize that it isn't YOU, it's her. Their could be so many reasons that she cut you off, you shouldn't take it personally. Odds are that it has nothing to do with you.

The thought did cross my mind that "yep, there goes another persons fantasy in to the politically correct pile" We all know the issues that are involved with swinging, and as adults we choose what we want to risk and what we want to protect. If as a group no condoms are agreed up, then who are we to argue or wag fingers at them. The fantasy was hot, not my cup of tea, but neither is skydiving. I choose the safty of the condom and the ground. Many choose the thrill of no condom and plumeting to earth at break neck speeds. The safe sex talk really does need to be curbed in fantasy threads, it just kills the momentum. I will practice the level of safe sex that I am comfortable with, and the rest of you do the same. Besides how can you have a filled pussy if the guy wears a condom? Kinda makes the fantasy impossible. Have fun.

ya this doesn't sound right to me. I would have already backed out. Me and my wife have a same room policy right now unless we know the other couple and there is no breaking that. If they don't like the comfort boundaries that you have in place then don't go there are plenty of experienced people out there that are comfortable with staying in established boundaries.

We seem to like starting it off on a lighter note. Play some strip poker to get naked and then use the tennis ball under the chin to pass between naked partners. That sort of warms things up. Another one is to pass the cucumber between the knees. Start out with this mild games before going to things like the dice where you have to lick and kiss or suck.