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We have the same problem you do Julie because we don't have kids either. Even being in our 40's most of the couples we meet still have kids at home and I think it has a lot to do with couples working on their careers first and starting families so much later now. Like you meeting at clubs works best for us because we can be spontaneous and most couples cannot. We decide we are going to the club about an hour before we head out the door. Trying to work around schedules and babysitters is not worth the effort to us because we don't have too. Meeting at the clubs, all of those problems have been taken care of, at least for the night.

Unless we know them or have met them it's, "We prefer to talk further at lifestyle events". If we're interested, we'll tell them what lifestyle events we'll be at. They have to be pretty damned interesting (which can occasionally happen) for us to continuing writing regularly when there's been no real life contact. We get at least 3-4 new couples a week interested in us and 1-2 days a month to go out (and we like to get together again with a few established lifestyle friends also), so the math on it just doesn't add up otherwise.

I'm not sure about etiquette, but this is definitely tricky to say the least. Timing being one the items that always comes up. Between Mrs. Sweet and I, she does most of the talking and chatting online for a couple reasons...she likes too, she's better at it, and gets a good feel for people. On the other hand, I much more of in-person kind of guy and like to actually talk face to face. So this brings us to Mrs. Sweet knowing where she stands well before I do most times, but it hasn't been too much of problem for us....so far. In any event, as she said in her post, we're not into taking one for the team, so we make an opportunity to get a "climate check" sometime during the meet. In the end....etiquette is easier while our clothes are still on, so we'll bow out before anything starts to happen and never promise anything on a "first date". Mr. Sweet

Funny that this thread got resurrected today, I completely forgot about it, but this is something we have been discussing a lot lately. So much so, that I have been planning on starting a new thread about it. Our local clubs have all but been totally taken over by voyeurs and exhibitionists. As an example, last night we went to one of the local clubs and of the 20 or so couples there, less than five of them were actually swingers. This has become such a problem that many of the regular swingers we have talked to have quit going to the clubs because of this. We have even been discussing with a few former regular club goers we know starting a once a month house party or meet and greet that you have to be pre-qualified to attend. The only pre-qualification required would be that you have to actually be a swinger to attend, no voyeurs/exhibitionists allowed. I don't know if this idea will ever go anywhere, but the voyeur/exhibitionist problem is getting totally out of control, at least in our area. The bottom line is, we go to swingers club to find like minded people who want to have sex, not to hang out with people hoping to see some skin.

I agree. I think it comes from the need to justify the "truth" of her religion. To validate her sacrifices by condemning those who indulge. In order to condemn, you must incriminate, in order to incriminate, you must discover...it's a process that is rationalized by telling herself she is only looking out for me in an "eternal" sense. I have to admit that the thought crossed my mind, " I wonder if she'd go so far as to try and take my kids away?" I want to say no way, she'd never, that she'd be too afraid of losing, then never seeing them again. I want to say that, but given her irrationality and judgments so far...plus it wouldn't be hard for her to find a lawyer in the church who would represent her for free, while I would have to pay to keep my own children. I can't even imagine it, the very idea seems so unreasonable that it's like a horror film. Still...the thought had crossed my mind, "Where would I go for representation?" It would be all over the news, but I don't really know of swinger organizations that help with that sort of thing like there are in the poly world ie Loving More. I gotta say I agree here. My husband & I were just talking about alternative babysitters & he mentioned his mom. The question we discussed was what if she asks why my mom isn't sitting for us anymore. Do we have a cover story as to why she isn't around? We came up with several untruths, all of which would lead his mom to call my mom in an attempt to help reconcile us. I think its better just to not ask his mom to sit for us, thereby avoiding the initial question as to why my mom isn't and not have to tell a cover story at all. Anything we say will lead to her nosing around too. If we're caught lying then we have to face the accusations of, "If there's nothing wrong with it then why were you lying about it?" Duh! The update so far: All's quiet on the repressive front. She hasn't contacted me, I won't contact her. As far as I'm concerned I don't need to work to make things right, because I didn't do anything wrong. Besides any attempt to contact her will only antagonize her. Nothing from my dad, or anyone else on that side of the family. I'm sure he knows and is either equally angry, or remaining silent as to present a united parental front. As for not telling extended family. It looks like they haven't/won't but I fear as soon as I get comfortable thinking that way, someone will turn up...maybe I'm just paranoid, I don't think anyone will blame me? Still so far, so good.

Man, do I agree. I think that lifestyle couples are the straightest, most squared away people on earth. They have much fewer jealousies, hangups, and general excess baggage that causes so much grief and heartache in the "vertical" world. The comments like "how can you let another person have sex with somebody you love" or "there is no way you two really love each other if your doing these type things" stem from insecurities and lack of trust and understanding of their spouse/SO. We are so close now that we finish each other's sentences. And we have some of the greatest fun in the world. We both derive a great deal of pleasure from seeing and hearing the other having a wonderful time with somebody or some bodies. Great thread.

This is all so wrong in so many ways. I get the feeling you've been e-mailing with this "woman" of the couple quite a bit and you've probably shared information with her that you haven't shared with us in your OP that caused "her" to make these requests. Nonetheless, this whole thing smells of rotten fish to me. I looked at your SLS profile and you're brand new at this and haven't any experience with swinging. I think someone is trying to take advantage of you in the worst way. I don't think this "couple" is a couple at all. I don't think it's even a woman writing to you. I think it's a man, alone, who has contacted you and is pretending to be the woman of couple. He wants to meet with your wife privately. Who knows what he would do to her! Simply stated, this "couple" is a fake. I have to wonder about your motivation for even considering such a proposal. Your profile is written from a very one-sided stance...your wife seems only marginally interested in swinging. You seem to be the one eager to give it a try. I can't understand why you would even consider sending your wife off alone to play for the first time without you unless you hope this will give you what you want in the end. Drop this "couple" pronto.