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Someone that feels kids should be lied to? Ok, to keep it from our kids, I would have had them not watch T.V., read newspapers, magazines or listen to the radio. No shame needed by anyone. You are leading your life and when and if it comes up honesty goes a long way in all relationships, even the ones with your kids. I am glad we have always been OUT of the closet. I could never live with the fear my kids are going to "find out" about something I do. I am not downing any of you for how you feel you have to live your life and this lifestyle but I can not sit back and have someone that knows nothing about any of us try to "shame" us into their way of thinking either. That is total nonsense. You raise your kids, I will raise mine.

I have devoted a large part of my life to my kids, to their care and upbringing. If I had to I would give my life for my kids. But, I am going to lead my life my way. We are discreet and do not flaunt swinging. If they discovered this part of our lives that we prefer to keep private, (just like we keep intimacy between ourselves private) I would not deny it, or act like I had been caught in something nasty or immoral. I'd probably tell them that the details are really none of their business but be willing to talk frankly to them about their views on it and my own. They would hardly be devastated, they are too well grounded for that. My daughter, who is 15 going on 23 would most likely think the whole thing is just ridiculous, just like she finds the concept of her geezer dad going out dancing is. For my 18 year old son it would likely be a "whatever". He has many far more interesting and important things going on in his own life than getting fussed about my "hobbies".

Ok... Just setting the record straight. I haven't read any other posts -- so I'm shooting from the hip. Yes, our oldest daughter (mine by another relationship, Dave is her step dad) who is an adult 27 years old, found our profile. (We don't show our faces on our profile, but she noticed the furniture and the walls.) Out of the three of our children, this one we believe, can handle it the best. She's always been a little bit of a wild child Also, we pride ourselves on having a very good relationship with our children, but it did require a little explanation so she knew it wasn't a cheating situation or that her dad and I didn't love each other anymore or were bored with each other. Everyone should know, who's been in this lifestyle long enough, that it's about selflessness, not selfishness. We really weren't that horrified that she found out. We have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. It's just that we don't tell our kids about our sex life and it's none of their business. When we were done sitting over a pot of coffee, she said she did understand and she knows she is free to ask questions and we'll answer any questions she might have. There has been only been one drawback to her knowing. Since she knows, her boyfriend of many years thinks this is a good reason to be a little more touchy feely -- something I'm definitely not comfortable with. He now knows better. (Dave and I had to have a little talk with him to make that clear.) She has sworn secrecy to her other siblings on the condition that since I brought her into this world, I can also take her out. (Just kidding!! I know that there are some out there that won't get that OLD joke!) The other two wouldn't be devastated, but they would probably have a harder time understanding. We've lived our lives for them for the past 27 years. We now feel it's our turn and we'll live it like we want. Dave and I are extremely happy where we are in life. If the other two ever found out, I guess we'd have the same talk with them as well. I'm not going to dwell on anything that hasn't happened yet. Holly

Here's my take on this, from the single male side of things. I try to avoid cheaters. It's a moral thing, but I also would like to avoid having a gun in my face, or being involved in some legal brouhaha. My first potential cheating encounter occurred in 2002/2003 (I first dipped my toes into the lifestyle in 2000). I had played with single females and couples at a Pgh-area club (now-defunct) and I got a call at one point from the club owners that a woman was interested in meeting me. I called her and she told me that she had visited the club and played before, but she was interested in meeting single males at the club or elsewhere on a more regular basis. Her husband had an illness which prevented him from satisfying her sexually (so she said) and she decided to look outside of her marriage for sex, although she was devoted to him. I told her that I did not like the traditional cuckold (humiliation of the husband) deal, but if she would let me talk to him and confirm that he was sexually-incapacitated and approved of her looking outside of their bedroom for sex, then I'd be interested. She said that that was NOT possible, and if I didn't agree to see her then I wouldn't know what I was missing. (Well, actually, yes, I have an idea what I might be missing.) I was going to ask her to call me after she divorced her husband, but then I thought better of it. A year or so after that, a woman IM'd me and we had a deliciously provocative conversation. It turned out she was married...with kids...and she was interested in exploring something without her husband knowing. Bye! In the summer of 2006 I went to a house party sponsored by Couple A at the house of Couple B. I wasn't really interested in most of the women there except the female of Couple B. I did not play with either Couple A or B. A couple of weeks later I got a phone call from the male of Couple B. He said they were interested in a first-time encounter with a single male and they picked me. (Yay for me! I had enjoyed talking to both of them and his house was a swingers-party dream: playroom basement with sex-swing, large indoor pool, outside hot tub, big deck, and private, gigantic backyard.) I told him things we had to discuss (condoms, no means no, etc.) and just after I had decided "YES" he mentioned, "Oh, she's married to someone else, but I'm not married. Is that a problem?" Yes, for me it was a problem. I told him if I can talk to her husband about this, to get his okay on it, or if her marital situation changes, then I'd be interested. He was very pleasant about my declining their invite. About six months later the female of the couple called me and wanted to know if I had changed my mind about meeting with her and the guy-who-was-not-her hubby. I asked her if she was still married to her husband. "Yes." And I told her that unless he was okay with it, it was "no go." She (politely) signed off. Just my experiences.

I think if your kids discovered you then shame on you. You should drag this kind of drama into their lives. You should all be so private. Should any one be discovered by their kids due to recognizable pictures on a profile or leaving a swingers web-site accessible on your computer then you got what you deserve.