Leaderboard

I'm not the best at math, but I noticed that adding the poll percentages gives a result of over 122%. I already voted the fourth option, so I can't go back and experiment: can a person select more than one poll option? That would explain the 100+%. I think GoodTime's suspicions about the data being skewed by non-swinging visitors' votes is valid. But, of course, polls on boards like this are like any Internet-based polls, they're done for fun or to start a discussion; they have no safeguards to assure any scientific validity. We don't know who is voting or what their motives are. I suspect most of the active members of this Board tried to answer honestly, since it's an anonymous poll, but we don't know that for sure. And when we consider non-active members that vote in these polls, we're in a quandary. We don't know how much they know about the lifestyle and what they know about what might or might not be considered acceptable behavior by active members on this Board, or in the lifestyle as a whole. And are the active Board members' opinions typical of the majority of swingers? That might be true, but we don't know that for sure. And, are there significant numbers of poll respondents who just vote contrary to accepted behavior just for fun? Teh Intertubes is a dangerous place to run a poll. Still, I agree with Vegas Lee, even if all the above has been considered, to me it is disconcerting that there appears to be a large amount of people who approve of cheating if it meets their sexual needs, regardless of how it might eventually play out. I'm usually a "hands-off" person when it comes to other people's choices, but cheating on a spouse/SO -- reneging on a commitment one has made -- makes me feel...icky. There are risks to practicing the lifestyle. Most of those risks are related to physical health (i.e., STDs), but we all know that there are emotional and societal risks as well. IMO, cheaters magnify that risk. But since this lifestyle stuff is supposed to be a pleasureable hobby I recommend a section from the Hippocratic Oath (traditionally taken by physicians pertaining to the ethical practice of medicine): Διαιτήμασί τε χρήσομαι ἐπ' ὠφελείῃ καμνόντων κατὰ δύναμιν καὶ κρίσιν ἐμὴν, ἐπὶ δηλήσει δὲ καὶ ἀδικίῃ εἴρξειν. Just in case your Greek is rusty, that translates to: I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone. I think you all are creative enough to modify that statement to apply to swinging, the lifestyle, or whatever you want to call it. My view is let's have fun in a responsible way, similar to the medical admonition based on the Hippocratic Oath: "Primum non nocere" ("First, do no harm"). Have I always been responsible in my swinging? I'm sorry to say, no. I've made mistakes; I'm a work in progress. But personally, I don't want the problems of swinging with cheaters, either.

What did he say when you asked him that question? My guess is if he had an emotionally bad relationship before, then giving those things you mention like kissing and caressing may relate to an intimacy for him with you that he is not ready to address...meaning love. He can accept giving it to someone anonymously without the thought of commitment and love, but for him, when it comes to you he has a mental and emotional vested interest, so it's difficult for him to cross that bridge. He may not even be aware that he is ignoring your emotional and physical needs. Bring it up to him. Anyway, just a thought.

I would tell her that the sanctity of your marriage is still in tact and always will be. For my wife and I she was kind of floored the first time that I brought the idea up and then the usual insecurities kicked in from her like "am I not good enough for you" to "why would you want to see me with another man" etc. etc. What I told her which is the truth is that I love her very deeply and that we have a rock solid marriage and that Swinging would be a lot of fun. It would give us a chance to make good friends with people and I told her that I love her so much that I want to see her pleasured in every way possible. She and I have an unbelievable sex life together but, it would be very arrogant of me to think that I am the end all be all. We are both straight so my wife and I have our rules and they are that we will do Full Swap, Soft Swap Same room and we will do MFM threesomes and FMF threesomes because neither of us is bi or bi curious. The question that you really have to ask yourself is... Does your marriage have a rock solid foundation to tolerate what happens in swinging and can you truly witness and see your wife in every intimate position imagineable with another man or woman? Then to flip it around is can your wife withstand watching you pleaure another woman in every way imagineable? You have to get into swinging for all of the right reasons. This lifestyle is not for the faint hearted and it certainly is not for anyone who is jealous. I hope this helps.

I can see what each of you are saying here. I think for us, we have at times left out that our time over the years with kids and carriers absorbing most of our lives. Its easy to get to where our time would be more of the quickie. Not that even a quickie isn't enough. We both at times understand that we get distracted from each other. And sometimes life just sucks the energy out of us. Then swing night comes, and the levels of sex get to tweeking. We sometimes miss what our partners needs are at the correct times. In ( I want intimacy today but life, gets in the way). We understand that our partners were busy and its not about being deprived intentionally. So we let it go. Then lets take our date night swinging. Its planned, we prepare, and lets face it we want to be our best with our new play partners. Who wants to walk away with being labeled... (They are nice sexy couple, but not much good in the sack). There is a bit of pressure to be your best. I think we found that a few times also. Watching each other with others where we felt the same, as what I see here. I don't get that much at home. I think thats normal in relationships. Have there been times where either of you have played at a club or house party where its just you two with your own partners for the night ? Is it possible to sit down and talk about this with your partners without making them feel like they have done wrong. By being their best while playing with others, while out on your play night ? And then ask for more. Its not wrong to ask your partner for their best. Its not a jealousy issue, its just communication with your partner. To be honest, Mrs.fun had some of the same feelings and she talked about this with me. I'm glad she did because I over looked this. She understood how I felt. There were times that I went above sexually, with my partners from wanting to give my best. I felt pressured to be the best I could be, out of fear of being labeled no good.

I get where you are coming from. I have been with my husband for over 8 years. While we have awesome sex and are enjoying this lifestyle immensely, I feel... hurt (for lack of a better word) afterwards. I don't tell him this for the most part because I know it isn't something he is purposely doing to spite me, so why bring him down instead of enjoying the afterglow? I don't get the foreplay to the extent our swing partners do and it bothers me. They get massages, kisses everywhere, and tons of oral. I know that this is normal and of course he is going to act that way with someone new and enjoy them as much as possible while they are there. I am available constantly, so the need to do all of these things to impress me isn't there. We also have three small children, so we tend to try to not take as long enjoying things when we are together because they could run in any second. I know all of this, but still feel this way. I don't say anything because I know I probably shouldn't feel this way... but I want it all too. Okay. Done hijacking the thread now. I just never had the courage to say that until now.

You need to tell your partner what you want. Maybe he's not worried about how the swing partners will react but he is worried about how you will react. Take time talk to each other. It will all be good.

Having first hand experience with a couple where the husband was emotionally and physically abusive I can say that for sure we'd steer clear of them in any form of a relationship. I can also say that the only thing you can do to help is to let her know that you know what is going on and if she ever wants to discuss it you have some phone numbers for people who can help her. And then leave it in her court. We had a neighbor that for several years lived right behind us and she was abused, but it took awhile for it to become apparent - they could only hide it so long before his true nature came-out again. It was terrible. He worked nights and she worked days. When he wasn't sleeping he was popping-in on her at work to check-up on her. When he was at work she couldn't leave the house except to go to the grocery store with the kids. He didn't allow her a cell phone so she couldn't leave the house and lie about where she was. He'd check-up on her on all his breaks. If she was over at our house she'd have her cordless phone with her and she'd have to go into the bathroom so he couldn't hear background noise and know she had left the confines of her prison cell. Errr... I mean house. We offered her help, we got her in touch with the local women's shelter for abused women that had 24 hour guards and was as secure as a minimum security prison to keep abusive husbands out. She never went. We'd call the police when we could hear him on a rampage. When they got there she'd say nothing happened, the TV was just loud. Their relationship finally imploded and they are now divorced. What I'm saying is there is nothing that can be done unless they want it to be done. All you can do is offer them a place to go to for help (not your place) and hope they see the light.

Interesting thread. I worked in immunology for 15 years and was in the field back when (HTLVIII) HIV came out. The stats that are given are general stats and have nearly no relevance to a specific person or situation. If you really want to evaluate your risk you have to consider your own situation. I will use mine to demonstrate the point. I am male and the risk of contracting HIV from a single act of intercourse with an HIV positive female is less than 1%. The number of Americans with HIV is about 1 million (known positive around 500k) which is about 1/3 of a percent out of total population. The percent out of that total between 35 and 55 (my target age group) that have HIV is 25%. This equals 25% of 1/3 of a percent which is about 1/12 of a percent. This means that 1/12 of 1% of the total population is positive that I can possibly sexually interact with. Now even if I do run into the HIV positive person I only have a 1% risk as stated above. So for an act of sex, generally, it's 1% of 1/12 of 1% risk out of your population group. Now Austin has 5000 HIV positive out of 1.3 million people. So my starting number is around the same as the national average of 1/3 of a percent. If you city has less or more you can recalculate. Denver has about a 1/6 of a percent starting point, which is better than Austin. Hope this helps everyone.