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I was thinking about this part of this thread this morning when I woke up (odd I know). I can understand where you are coming from and I was really glad to read that you showed him this thread, but I did want to comment. While right at the time it occurs is certainly not the time to bring it up (in this case) it is definately something you need to talk to him about. We have an agreement in our house, if ANYTHING is bothering you bring it up. If you don't and you let those things continue because "they aren't doing it on purpose" or "they don't mean anything by it" then they never know that what they are doing is bothering you and can't go about fixing it. The fact that he doesn't realize he's doing it or isn't doing on purpose is all the more reason to bring it up so that he can be made aware of something that he is doing that is bothering you and make an effort to change that behaviour.

Sometimes I think it's more luck than anything else. I found my partner on a "vanilla" dating site. Interestingly, 12 years before that, I found my husband on a telephone dating line. I guess lightning can strike twice. I'm not sure how successful you'll be finding a relationship on a swingers site. I think intrinsically swinging is about NOT having an intimate relationship. I think that first you find the outside relationship, then see if you can bring your relationships together. Start by looking for an open-minded person. Remember, too, that you're looking for a hybrid, so your pool of people who can crossover into the different worlds is going to be smaller, therefore it's likely going to take longer. Be patient, and hopefully have fun in the meantime. Stop looking when it stops being fun. Imagine you are a single mom. Maybe you've been on your own for a couple of years now, and you're starting to think about having someone permanent in your life again. So, you get out in the dating world. You have lots of first dates, fewer second dates, and even rarer 3rd dates. At some point, when you've narrowed things down, you think you've got someone you'd like your kids to meet. That's when you say to your kids, "Hey, let's go bowling with Mom's friend George (or Georgina)". There is no pressure for your kids with this person, because it's not like you're getting married or anything. They simply meet, and if all goes well, they meet again, until George or Georgina takes a more permanent place in your life. It works the same way with another couple. Take things slow, keep your kids out of it until you have something good going on. And you certainly won't be telling the kids that you're having sex outside your marriage, because you don't likely talk about the sex you're having inside your marriage either! Hope this helps.

Like probably most couples, Mr. Tybee and I aren't always attracted to the same people, either. We've been in situations where a very friendly, outgoing woman is working the room, targets us, we like her too, but we can't even identify who she's there with, because he's off in a corner somewhere. We've learned to hold back until we can at least spot where he is. Often, she's not saying anything about the husband and we have to ask who she's with. She'll say something like, "Oh, he's over there", and won't initiate introducing us. If we think that it might be a connection and if we feel like pursuing it, we'll say, "Why don't we all go over and talk, and the four of us get to know each other better." It's like, we have to lead her to even get the four of us in the same part of the place to even talk. Hard lesson learned, backing up: Once we were at a house party. A very friendly, fun woman was flirting with us both, and she and I had the kind of chemistry that during a mingling game, we went around as a team and played off of each other during this game..kwim? Fun chemistry. We thought she was single; we certainly didn't see her with anybody at all! Time went by, the flirting got more serious, the three of us really getting into it (talking, kissing, etc), and we all three decided we were going to go to a room together. Suddenly, she said something like, "Oh, let me go tell my husband". Who??? So, Mr. Tybee and I waited, while she went off into the dark corners to a man who had been holding up the wall all night. I thought we were just being introduced and getting permission. But no...he was coming along, too. I hadn't seen or spoken to this man all night, had zero interest, and he was coming along.....Oh well, I figured he was just coming to watch, since he obviously was completely uninvolved with the whole process that the three of us were in (seducing each other and now horny). But, as soon as we got into the room, he was on me. WTF? Obviously, I had to stop things, which was very disappointing, because Mr. Tybee didn't get to finish what he was starting, and the whole thing we were so looking forward to with her just wasn't going to materialize, because of this uninvolved guy imposing himself. It took me a few days of re-running the whole thing in my mind, but I realized that he was one of these guys, just very passive, let her roam until she "caught" someone for him, and then he just came along for a free ride in the 11th hour. Oh HELL, no! Lesson learned. Mr. Tybee and I work the room as a couple. He's not aggressive, but he's certainly friendly. Anyone in the room can tell who we're both there with (easy for them to make an initial decision about us). We each spot people we may be interested in, and point them out to each other. If we both like one, we'll scan the scene until we can figure out who they're with. Once we can see the pair of them, we now can decide if we want to approach, and we approach together. If we don't like them so much after we talk a bit, we just move on. See...hunting as a team. I don't have to do it alone, don't have to make the choice for him, bringing back "whatever" for him. I took us some time to figure all this out (and learning experiences), but it's what works for us. We love to meet couples who are also checking out the scene and participating equally in the flirting process, too! I need to have some indication that the other man is interested. Hey, I'm not going to do all the leading and "throw myself" at a guy I can't even read! 2-way street, guys.

We do not ask others to glove up and Jay has never gloved up for oral either.

How big a chance you ask? How does 100% sound. The CDC is engaging in scare tactics to support the current administrations abstinence policy. The CD is supposed to be independent but when you budget is controlled you listen to the controllers. I mean, come on, is oral sex and anal sex really equal risky??