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This is a minor pet-peev area of mine. To me you are only a swinger if you are in a commited relationship and exchange/invite extra partners for sex. I don't think intercourse is required but its gotta be more than heavy petting. So singles are not swingers, none of the flirty couples are swingers, some guy bringing a call girl isn't a swinger, married but not to each other couples, are again, not swingers, nor do I feel open marriages make you a swinger. Maybe my definition seems narrow but some make it so broad as to become meaningless. If you get off on your wife going to a bar alone, picking up some guy, and then telling you about it, thats fine, but its not something my wife or I could relate to nor would I call it swinging. If you are a single guy that for whatever reason persues couples looking for a MFM, thats great, but you aren't a swinger you are a single guy. Some seem to get offended by this, and I'm not sure why. Its not saying you shouldn't do what you are doing, its just that the term 'swinger' doesn't apply. Finally the whole 'lifestyle' thing. To me lifestyle couples would be the ones who's entire social calander seems to revolve around swinging events/parties/etc. Its hard to describe where that line is, but at one point we crossed it, decided it wasn't all that fun, and pulled back. I think most just use it as a euphamism for swinging, but I suppose I reseve it for those who are REALLY into swinging and being seen.

Welcome to the Board! Drop by the Introductions and let us know a bit more about you. For the topic you presented. Yes in theory, the kid in a candy store analogy may hold a bit of merit. However, we're adults and should be able to restrain ourselves just a bit. What you deem as 'intoxicated by the headiness of pleasure and seduction' then apparently translates into over-excitement and possible agression/pushiness. Also, I think the term you may be looking for is 'bottom feeder' not 'surface swimmer'. That is a joke, not a slam. If you are just starting to break into the lifestyle as a single male, you already have the deck stacked against you. There are many couples, for whatever reason, who just don't want to play with single males. Now add into the mix that you are new and basically an unknown quantity...coupled with the over-excitement/pushiness/agressiveness...and it may not be that the couples aren't being considerate, but that you also are not being considerate. The lifestyle can be very rough for the single guy...there are plenty of good tips here on how to be one of the 'good' ones. A little courtesy, etiquette, common sense, and possibly restraint, on your part can go a long way as well. You have seriously got to throw the vanilla mindset out the door as far as how to approach a couple/female, if you can't, you won't get very far. I am usually nice to a fault and have a hard time rejecting people that I have no interest in playing with. The conversation may be great, so you don't want to lose that. But in reality, particuarly at the club or parties, if people are there to play and are not looking for single males a few things can happen: they will be harsh and totally blow you off, or they will ignore you because they don't want to give you false hope that something will happen, or they don't want to 'waste time' socializing with someone that doesn't fit what they are looking for (ie: potential missed opportunities with another couple that passed by b/c they were talking with a single male). Stick around, there's some good advice to be had here!