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I don't think what you are feeling is silly, in fact, based on our experience, it is pretty normal for new people. That being said, I have to say that what we found was, first of all, it is almost impossible to discuss every eventuality that might happen when playing with someone before hand. So, what we did, was realized that having a rule that required us to discuss anything we might do ahead of time was unworkable, and we got rid of that rule. One of the things we figured out right away is that we had several rules that, on reflection, served no useful purpose, but got in the way of the fun. The interesting thing is, when we got rid of these types of rules, the problems and bad feelings that came from breaking them earlier went away. It seems that getting rid of those rules liberated us to better implement what is now our number one rule, which is to have fun. I don't know, and can't say whether this would work for you, but it worked very well for us.

In your opinion is there such a thing as a woman acting too slutty in the lifestyle? In my swing circle being called a slut is a good thing, it is use as a term of endearment but being called too slutty is not. BTW- we define a slut as a woman who likes to play and is very open minded. I was at the club one night and a woman told me that I had better be careful, that I was being too slutty just because I was dancing topless. I know, the horror, a woman dancing topless in a swing club! She then went on to tell me that men don’t want to play with a woman if she is too slutty. Now this was from a woman who had 4 guys lined up giving them blowjobs in an open room, putting on a show. Not that I think that was too slutty. I think her thinking is a little skewed. I know a woman that will screw anything with a dick, she doesn’t care who or what it is attached to. I am not sure if that is being too slutty or just not being very careful. So guys, if you think that there is a line where a woman has crossed over from being a slut to being too slutty, what is that line?

We were just wondering what the ride home was like after your very first swinging encounter? Was there any conversation? If so, who initiated it? How long was it before anyone said anything? What was the conversation about? Ect.....

Rules based on personal preference are natural (i.e. no ass to mouth) but rules designed to control your significant other are something different. (i.e. you can put your tongue in her left ear, but not her right ear.) Seems the more rules a couple has about what each other is not allowed to do, the less fun it is to play with them, and the more likely drama could rear it's ugly head. It's not fun to see a couple angry or hurt with each other in the middle of a play party. Consider your motives when making rules, and consider the impact on your spouse. What are you trying to achieve as a couple by swinging? Do your rules actually help you get there? The "we said that we wouldn't try anything that wasn't discussed before" rule seems controlling, meant to address underlying jealousy and fear, and a set-up for hurt feelings. When we started out in the lifestyle we decided to give each other permission to do anything that turns you on, and nothing that doesn't. Seeing each other turned on is what it's all about for us. Only you two can say what is right for your relationship, but I hope this helps you think it through.

It amazes me how something so prevalent has such a stigma to it. We could have AIDs and come out more easily than we can with something as simple as HSV. All HSV really is is an annoyance, a skin irritation. We have Herpes and we swing and we don't tell our partners that we have it. We don't swing when there are any symptoms or signs of potential symptoms and we do use condoms for any vaginal penetration. The crazy part is that we both had it when we were single and didn't know it and therefore didn't take precautions, so what's the difference between that and now. At least now we know so we do/can take precautions. I discovered I had it shortly after I started dating my wife. But, I'd had it for probably 10 years by then. It started when I was in my late teens and I went to the dr the first few times and different drs all told me "it's just a skin/heat rash". So I put neosporin on it and went on my way. Then I started dating my wife and she told me that she had herpes. I told her about the skin rash I'd experienced multiple times now and we agreed I should ask a new dr and this time specifically ask for a Herpes test. Sure enough, that's what it was. We were lucky in that we both had it. Who knows how many people I spread it to unknowingly due to a bad diagnosis. When I just thought it was a rash, as long as sex didn't hurt I saw no reason not to have it. But, now I know what it is and the second I feel I MIGHT have an irritation all sex is off. We feel that with more than 25% of the population having the virus, that couples are taking less of a risk by playing with us than they are with the many infected people who don't even know they have it. Somehow I'm betting we aren't alone.

Since you seem to have a problem with bi-men and you said you found out the male half of this couple is bi...it's your party all you have to do is send an e-mail/phone call, whatever and say...Due to information coming to light that you are bi and the fact we do not want bi-men at our party, for our own comfort and that of the other guest, we ask that you do not attend. You will find that this is true to probably 90% of couples with bi men and single men who are bi. Why? Because of exactly what you've posted...people have a problem with it and if those couples with bi men and/or single men who are bi want to have the opportunity to even socialize with others (whether they have any intentions of playing or not) they have to keep it hidden or they are black listed. Is it right or wrong to not post it in an online profile? I don't know. It is wrong to attempt bi play on those who are unsuspecting. I believe it is right to let those that you are going to play with know so that they can make their own mind up if they want to play with you, whether there is bi play involved or not. I know a few bi men whose attitude is....Unless I'm fucking you, what business is it of yours? I personally agree with this attitude...unless I'm fucking you, what business is it of mine what your sexual practices are. Teresa

Hi, we hated at first that all the clubs in Detroit have to have a dance floor and very loud music. For us this is not a conducent environment for swinging, and we ended up finding out that a few couples we play with on a regular basis felt the same way. They felt too much like night clubs (even the on premise places). Not only that they attracted too many non-swingers and borderline swingers whom used the music and dancing as a distraction . While one mate was taking part in the social activities the other was off being a jerk. We also found that there was no real way to talk and get to know a couple over the music. Our solution at first was to do house parties, but we got a great opportunity when the local on premise owner allowed us to throw our house parties at his venue every couple of months. It takes the better part of the day, but we convert the dance floor into a giant bed and one of other socializing areas into a small dungeon. With a little planning we converted the nightclub like swing club into a swing lounge club, which suits our tastes and the majority of our friends a bit better. It suits our tastes fine, though we have run into a few couples who have told us that they just do not like to go to swing clubs without a dance floor. We've met many though he liked the idea as it really provides an intimate atmosphere to talk and get to know a couple. There's very sensual music playing the background and lots of comfortable sitting areas. Our next steps is to convert an area into a movie room with couches and love seats.

We had a 5-hour drive ahead of us the next day . . . I was so wound up, I was jumping out of my skin. Mr. Sweet had fun trying to get me off, but after nearly driving off the road a few times, we had to behave. We wanted so badly to pull over, but wanted to get to our hotel room as quick as possible. Of course, we talked about how much fun we had, how surprised we were that it didn't seem weird to us at all, and how we definitely wanted to keep doing it. And when we FINALLY reached our hotel, we barely managed to get our room door closed! =)

Well, I did not have anyone to talk too, but in the train back home I was just thinking "OMG!! I DID IT!!!" over and over again. I was quite confused as I did not plan to actually play that day, just have a look around the club, but got engaged in a MFM pretty soon after getting there

Ours was a lot of laughing and giggling with alot of wow's and awesomes thrown in. Then a hearty stop at the Waffle House with more laughing and not so innocent smirks and grins. The waitress probably thought we were crazy.....lol. Once back in the car, more of the same with a quick stop for a bit of heavy petting and some quick oral, then on home.

We didn't make it all the way home without stopping to have sex. All the talk about what we did, what we want to do the next time, we got so horny, we pulled over and had great sex!

O.K. this should cover the last two posts including the person that had the balls to send me a "reputation" without signing it. Here's what they wrote, by the way... "Comment: Your not ken and barbi but expect others to be because you paid? Buy a magizine. Clubs are not circus side shows for your cheap thrills!" Actually, we are not ken and Barbie but we are professional dance instructors, so we are pretty damn close, (I was just being modest in my note) and we are entitled to want to be around others who are within the same range. When we are 50, we will hang with our age group. But, we are not. Any other day, I might write something sensitive in reply to your note(s), but today is not that day. Who the hell do any of you think you are to write YOUR notes challenging what we are looking for, or find attractive? The bottom line is that swinging, is about realizing fantasy. You will not find a majority that fantasizes about being surrounded by old, overweight people. Women in Swinging do not fantasize about making it with chubby girls or bald men with small penises. Personalities are great but they can only go so far and overcome so much. Also, if any of you paid close enough attention, you will see that we didn't say we were looking to play with others, just surrounded by others. If we want to go to a club that has a reputation for drawing a young, fit, attractive crowd, in a city where you often must be "at least this hot to walk down this street", then that is our divine right. If we find the reality to be nothing like the fantasy, it's also our divine right to be turned off by that. And, point of fact, yes, clubs ARE circus shows for our, and everyone elses cheap thrills. Otherwise, why go? "Swinging" is a very broad-spectrum word that includes voyerism. And, if you read my note more carefully, you will see that we weren't ruling out playing with others, just not hunting for it. And, at $70+ just to get into a place, it's best not to expect your money's worth in swapping. For you overly sensitive types, please note that we did not pass judgement, we merely stated a preference. Next time, think long and hard before (any of) you choose to pass judgement on others for their experiences or their preferences.

Always love to here the people were not hot enough for us. Maybe you should stay home and look in the mirror instead. We have been to Trap many times and if someone causes trouble they take care of it. This does not happen often but it can happen. One of the things we like about the club is its all ages and all types, even shallow people are allowed inside. You don't have to do us if we don't meet your standards but to put done others because they are not the hotties you want and still choose to be see at a club well mest be great to be you and I am sure when you get to 50 you will do everyone a favor and never leave the house again.