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I can see the dilemma here. He was hesitant to open up to you fearing your response then when he did he may have gotten the response he expected, increasing his fear to open up to you again. Vicious cycle. Now you have come to terms with what he is interested in and aren't sure how to bring the topic back up. At this point I think your acceptance of his fantasies will go a long way to allowing him to open up further in the future. If it were me I think the conversation would go a little something like this.... "honey, do you remember when you told me that you had a fantasy of ....." "um yeah?" "well, I've been thinking about it, and I think I'd be open to giving that a try if you're still interested." Just be clear with him that it's something you want to do together (if you do) and that you want both of you to be able to be completely open with anything, whether it be fantasies or hesitations. This is something you need to be able to be completely open and honest about, without fear of hurting someone's feelings.

My wife and I had several laughs about this one. I run a small company with 1 employee. He works off-site most of the time and we communicate via AIM. Even at the time when my wife and I didn't swing yet, he and I often made some sexually oriented jokes like when I had to leave early I would say: have to go to a swing party or when he had to go somewhere during office hours (like the dentist) I joked that he was going to his mistress house. We continued joking about this, at the time my wife and I started swinging, but NEVER ever told him or would we tell hem that those jokes about wife swapping, trio's now are actually true... It's even so more fun joking now eg. like: I won't be working today and tomorrow, we have to go to a swingers party 200 miles from here and are staying there overnight. Or last year in april (I'll never forget that day) when he came to my house because we had some things to discuss about work that we couldn't do over chat. That week a swingers couple who have become great friends were staying with us for a few days. She's 10 years younger than I am and very very pretty, he was away when my employee arrived but she was here, so he asked me: is that your new mistress ? I told yeah, she gave me a really great blow job yesterday night while my wife was fucking her husband (which was 100% true), and my employee had a good laugh but his face was telling me that he was thinking 'keep on dreaming buddy'. OMG this is so funny... : telling the truth for 100% and he was thinking I'm day-dreaming... Oh and one more thing, something happened in july last year: we went on a swingers trip with a boat for a week. After that we stayed in Greece for a few more days but one of the couples didn't and send us a mail to ask us if we enjoyed the boat trip and their email address was 2cuteswingers@xxx, the thing is that my mail at that time was forwarded to him so if clients would mail me he would get my mail (normally I don't give my work email to swingers friends but this time I made a mistake). He never said anything about the mail so I'm not sure if he has seen the email address or not... anyway we haven't been joking that much anymore about swinging...

Ummm...don't most men in swinging want to please someone else's woman? Teresa

Do you think he would be more comfortable writing out his fantasies to you? Some folks are more comfortable writing out their thoughts as opposed to speaking them.

I prefer the terms knowledge and consent in this case (for me, "permission" lends an air of power to the relationship). Either way, you do make an excellent point. =)

Ok, one of the main reasons for bringing this topic up is just what we are seeing in the responses here. About 30 responses and most of them are very different. One was As seen here the way our minds work I guess it is no longer "just that simple." Last Saturday night. At a party with over 300 people at it. With that number of people made it "harder" then need be because you had to wade through the 200+ that are not swingers. They do not play with others. They are there for many of the reasons listed here by everyone. Sorting them becomes time consuming and interesting to say the least. Why sort them? Because we wanted to find the ones that play! (was not a simple task) I noticed that some others have this same problem. The sorting can get discouraging for some. Some here have pointed out that "couples" are swingers, singles are not yet they party with single women. As Laura pointed out, there are some couples that only play with single women and nothing else and many of those couples don't feel they are Swingers since they only play with Single Women. Seems by the responses so far it even has some of the single men wondering if they are Swingers or not by the way some have defined Swingers. Are the single women Swingers but the Single men are not? Some feel that being an exhibitionist or voyeur is part of being a Swinger yet we all know that all voyeurs and exhibitionists are not Swingers. (Is there a math problem in that one? ) I see in one post that not all couples can be Swingers. Only "committed married to each other couples" can be Swingers. They have defined what "couple" is to them. Even the "actions" of what that couple does has been defined as to whether they are a Swinger or not. Some feel by defining "Swingers" we are "segregating" ourselves yet they limited their view of Swingers to "committed couples." All the responses have been great here so far. Many because it shows just how differently people look at this "Lifestyle" and these are the people in the Lifestyle. Think about how the "outside" world looks at us since they don't really know what we are really about. Being in the Adult business most of my life something I learned many years ago from fighting with the federal government and spending way to much on attorneys is definitions. The Federal government considered male-female sex or male-male sex pornography, they did NOT classify Female-Female sex as pornography. In my view, all of your definitions are correct for you. That is all that matters in your life. I hate labels on people. Don't feel there is a need but as we have seen everyone does label people and define things in their own way here. I am sure there are many more that have not posted their view on what a Swinger is. I like the simple term as it started out many years ago, "Recreational Sex Between Consenting Adults." No mention of couples, singles, male, female. Just simple fun for all that where involved. Yes, the old perfect world syndrome that has long gone away in our perfect world. Would still like to hear from the 100's of others here that have their views on Swingers!

That's what I was asking, why always somebody else's woman? Why not your own? We get this at least 5 times a week..."I'm so handsome, I'm so polite, I'm so well-hung, I'm so this-or-that", but when I ask them what they expect to get out of this I always hear the same answer - "I just want to please women" They must think that we husbands aren't men, or that we were all born yesterday! Sometimes just for shits and giggles, I'll suggest that they treat my wife to a pedicure. I explain that it's a cheap and easy way to "please" her, a great way to show their devotion, and her nail tech takes payment by CC over the phone. When I do that we usually don't hear from them again. Why is that? Are they just BS'ing me about "putting her pleasure first"? I'm asking the question because I HATE BSr's So, back to you. You "like to please women?" Well, I like to shoot guns, which is why I have several. I also like to ride ATV's which is why I have one of those too. I like to have a cold beer every now and then, which is why I keep a case or 2 in the fridge. When our friends visit, they're welcome to shoot my guns, ride our ATV, or drink my beer, because I know that they will extend the same courtesy to us when we visit them. You "like to please women"? Then GET one. If you're everything you say you are, there's no excuse for you not having one.