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I think part of this is his lack of tact, and another part of this is your body issues. You shouldn't take one for the team. Right. But, what's the motivation behind your will to ban another couple? That you dislike the guy? Or that your husband likes a gal that doesn't look the way you do? (with your body issues, I am pretty sure you'd read this a "a gal prettier than you"... but, that's just you and your body issues). I guess you two have a lot to talk... but given your body issues, some topics become difficult to bring up. So, I'll talk of myself, a seldom fat guy with my own body issues. I know my wife likes me... and that she liked my body better years ago, when I was slim. She likes slim guys, and I am fat. Let's deal with this. She's still next to me, awakes next to me, no matter which adonis had sex with her the evening before. She keeps choosing me, over and over and over. Not because of my body (obviously) but because of everything else of what I am. And this is the way it have to be. Now, if I were overly sensitive about my body issues, it's very likely that se won't tell me. She would do her best to halp me feel better about myself, to avoid hurting me... and she would avoid commenting "she liked me better when I was slim". And again, this is the way it have to be. As for my wife, she may pick an adonis... and also pick guys like myself. And this makes a difference. And I wouldn't ban a couple just because he's the adonis I am not... and that makes a difference. Honesty is overestimated. You're asking him to be honest, and with your every day attitudes, you're also aking him to be very carefull about your body issues, to avoid hurting you. You also want to swing, and want to indulge his desires... and yes, it's very likely he'll look in someone else for features he knows you don't (and probabily won't) have, for a little while, just for fun, before returning to your arms. So, you're giving him a thin thread where to walk... and he doesn't seem to be too proficient in walking on thin threads. He may relinkish some of his wishes for a playmate to protect you. Or you could valuate yourself fow what you are besides your body, and allow him to openly admit what's binding him to you... besides your body, and EVEN with your body. Anyway, I am not sure if you two are swinging for the right reasons today. If he does it looking for features you don't have... and if you do it looking for a reasurance about his tastes. Should he were picking women more like yourself... wouldn't this help you "indulge yourself"? You have to work on your body issues, better say, in your self esteem beyond your body issues... and it would be nice if he helps you out a little bit.

Are you sure you understand WHY you want to swing??? What do you intend to get out of it??? Who do you think is going to want to swing with you two??? and why? (assume all your potential playmates can clearly see the potential drama in your eyes)

Thank you to everyone for your advise. After having the sick feeling in my stomache go away, and sleeping on it. We have decided to do and say nothing unless confronted. I am sure it will not happen. Also, I am sure they are all jealous of us any ways. LOL! Have fun everyone! It is the weekend. We are on task for it!

jnbsmokin~ I think you and your husband are playing a lot of games with each other and fooling yourselves about many things surrounding swinging. It's time to look beyond the one-ups you're throwing each other and get real. From what you've written, here is what I understand: 1. You don't feel comfortable about your body and are intimidated by women who you feel look more attractive. 2. Your husband doesn't feel comfortable about his looks either, since he doesn't like you having interest in or playing with better looking men than himself. 3. You're only swinging experience has been with single males in threesums (and you said in another post that those weren't good experiences). 4. You've not yet met couples or played with them so I imagine that you've not met with any of the women (I presume they are of couples) that your husband continually emails and flirts with. 5. You want one thing, your husband wants another, and neither of you is willing to budge. What you both want is very restrictive and you aren't willing to expand on who you will consider swinging with. Example: you don't want to play with women your age and your husband only has interest in women your age. You've taken one for the team and you don't want to do that again. That's good because doing so never works. From what you've described of your husband's online activities, I don't think his primary interest (anymore) is swinging, rather, he is a cyber swinger - he probably realizes that's likely all he's ever going to get since you two can't come to terms on meeting people. His interest in swinging is no doubt still there, but he's realized he's got to get his fix/fun/sex through the keyboard. He's enjoying the ego-boost that you mention. There are plenty of women who have fun with that - no matter who the person is - and these women never have intentions of meeting. Sometimes knowing they are turning on a guy who they'd never let near them for sex is a game for them they enjoy. You mention that you are in a sub relationship with your husband. This probably plays a role in how he sees things and why he may be expecting you to bend to what he wants. Maybe it's time to take a look at that relationship and how well it's working in your marriage overall, not just in regards to sex or swinging. I'm sorry I can't be positive here, but I'm not getting an indication that there is anything positive in your stance at this point. Either you'll both have to make some big changes in your view of yourself and others, be more flexible, agree to some rules and stick to them, or swinging isn't going to ever turn out like you are hoping. LM

Since we'd just started dating when we started swinging, L and I hadn't yet developed a relationship to protect, and we didn't have predefined roles we needed to break out of. Therefore, no formal rules. Mainly, as long as we were both enjoying things, we were happy with the situation. L and I have a keen sense for what each other will enjoy and be comfortable with, so we rely on that. Over the years, as we've come to know one another better, we're more comfortable with more situations, so we're receptive to more. In addition, we know MUCH better what turns each other on, so we steer more to those flavors. If the adventure will end with us coming home and tearing each other up, it's good for us. And they all end that way ?

There is a fundamental flaw in your question and I almost didn't catch it. In fact, I wrote a box-full of response before it hit me that I was answering a defective wringer. To ask why a man would let another man fuck his wife is like asking a man why he'd let another man borrow his tools. My tools are mine - can get lost - and don't have the wits to come home once they've been used. I own my tools, I bought and paid for my tools, and my tools are with me whether they like it or not. My wife, on the other hand... She's with me because - for some reason - after running a gauntlet of men before me - decided that she was more than willing to stop and be with me. I don't own her, I don't control her and I DON'T loan her out. You see - swinging isn't about me letting other men fuck her. Swinging is about us, partners in crime, experiencing adventures that we - as a couple - want to share. Those adventures include her fucking other men, yes, but they also include me fucking other women, us fucking other couples and a few other interesting combinations and pile ups. We do this together - in agreement - and we smile (sometimes laugh) together about it later. Your question is flawed because I do not let other men fuck my wife - she does. She does so while respecting me and allowing me to give her permission to do so - and accepting when my gut tells me "no." Wives are not chattel. I've seen a LOT of disrespect in the lifestyle - heartless husbands forcing their wives into a swing scene that isn't for them. And I've watched a lot of wives cat through a club with an attitude of "my husband will just have to deal with it" as she picks and does whoever she wants while hubby sits at the bar drinking and pissed... I can assure you that this is not a picture of us - and fortunately it is not a picture of most of the active posters on this board.