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Whats the diffrence between and open marriage and swinging yet playing apart. An open marriage only works if rules are in place. Everyone has there own set of rules. I enjoy swinging with my husband just as much as I enjoy my man on the side. The only diffrence is the couples aspect. I dont mind a married man whose wife that knows about me. But I find it somewhat wierd to talk sex with a wife of whom I have slept with her husband. I prefer the one on one aspect in both the swingers aspect as well as in an open marriage. But I honestly dont see much diffrence between an open marriage an d swinging.

A very interesting question. Reading through the answers in this thread, and many other similar discussions, we'd have to say yes. There is a significant segment who disparage people for having "too many" partners. (Too many for them.) They use pejoratives like "post notcher" and "bed hopper". The suggestion is an active swinger is not selective. It is judgmental, it is a put down, and it is intended put the speaker in a more favorable light as compared to the person they disparage ("I'm not like her. I'm selective and only play with friends. She plays every weekend! What a tramp!") Coming up with a new word isn't going to change how people feel or act. Just wondering, do you meet a lot of these "unconcerned" and "fall into bed" kind of people? We are pretty active in the lifestyle, but we haven't encountered many. (Just because they want to play with more people than you doesn't mean they will play with anybody.) Is being an experienced swinger bad? We don't think so. Nothing is absolute, but newer swingers are more likely to have issues, insecurities, not know what they want, etc. Experienced swingers tend to be the opposite. We've been in the lifestyle since Oct 06 (not yet two years) and we'd say we're experienced. To those who are repulsed by active swingers, guess we're just not your cup of tea.

On our second visit to a swing club, we were lying on the mattress of the d group room, nude, playing with each other. Another couple approached us and started to chat. They were nice, attractive, and after chatting a bit we started to play together. I asked the gal why she still had her top on. The gal responded that she had double mastectomies. Oh, I was so embarrassed at putting her on the spot and apologized. The gal responded that it was OK and gave me a consoling hug and kiss. We continued kissing for a while and then both of our guys joined in the group hug and the play started from there. Over the next two hours, we had a fantastic time playing with them, including hard swapping with them (our first time), and Bob gave her seven climaxes with his talented tongue. It was as if understanding her problem broke the ice between us and paved the way for one of our most memorable times. We are very glad that she was brave enough to come to the club because otherwise we would have never had such wonderful memories. Hope you can have the same kind of fun. If the people you are with have problems with your scars, move on. You will find many others who accept you as you are, and the fun with them will overshadow any jerks you may meet on the way.

We are new to the scene as well. More broke in now then what we were thou. We took our marriage open and had the same issues. I could easily have play dates and hubby could not. The swingers lifestyle has allowed us to both play together and play apart. The couples aspect can be fun if theres a mutual attraction. Some couples will allow one on one play with the others from diffrent couples. This is how its working for us. We recently attended a party and each played alone the whole partty. It worked for us. I classify myself as more of a swinger then having an open marriage as its just concensual sex among our group of friends. Yes I still have one that I see on the side, but for the most part we play are playing with couples.

Given I'm one of the few on this board who actually admits her status as being in an open marriage, I think I'll take this opportunity to jump in with my two cents as a form of counterpoint based on my experience. To start, our marriage is not a trial separation or business association nor have we lost any intimacy to our marriage. Actually, I thought we were even closer, if that was possible, due to our commitment to honesty and full communication with each other and everyone else involved, just like the straight-up swingers. I don't see this changing, even if someone spit out the study or numbers showing that my marriage is more likely to fail than a vanilla marriage or a swinger marriage. It can and does work for some... There's certainly failure of marriages associated with swinging or poly as there are with open marriages. A screwed up relationship isn't going to survive swinging, cheating, poly or an open relationship arrangement. Someone who moves into an open marriage or swinging because they are bored, or want sanctioned cheating or unfulfilled already has issues prior to doing this. It's certainly no different than married couples that enter swinging to try to fix their marriages or who decide they are poly in order to sanction their cheating somehow. The reasons why people go into open marriages, polyamory or swinging to me is more indicative to the potential to successfully maintain the current marriage or relationship. Expectations for/upon entering into a non-monogamous also seem to play a huge part. The state of the marriage or relationship before entering into an alternative arrangement is yet another huge factor. And this is what seems to have been revealed by the OP, that there may be factors out there that may indeed indicate problems already that may indeed end in a broken marriage. But it isn't going to be necessarily because of an open marriage. We could substitute any number of alternative relationships in place of the term "open marriage" and the potential for failure will remain the same because of the potential underlying issues that exist before even entering the alternative sexual relationship arena. I know this is your opinion, and my response is not intended to be an attack. I read this, and my first thought is who is to say that people in an open marriage are not enjoying this adventure together? When did proximity become the qualifier as to enjoyment? Okay, I'll get off my soapbox. It was kind of lonely up there anyway since I'm in the minority position here.

We are sort of a softswop couplem why do i say that well simple the wife wont go full swop she says i am more than enough for her and that she has no interest in another guy,dont get me wrong though, she loves to swop and does everything except intercourse,i have no problem with her going fullswop and would love to watch her fuck with another guy but its her choice and saying that i can go full swop if i so wish but i dont or havent sofar as i dont want the other guy to get the idea into his head that he can fuck Susanne because i fucked his wife even if this was discussed before hand. As for being jealous!! never!!! we have had some real good fun and there has never been a jealously problem on our part,its happened with the other couple that we palyed with but never between us and we look at things this way if you happy to go soft swop then fine if you go fully swop then thats fine as well and if your into gang bangs then so be it,everyone to their own and i have seen jealousy issues between full swop couples on more than one occaision so i dont think that this is mainly a soft swop problem but rather depends on the couple themselves and not what they do and with whom.. Steve