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Isn't this the most important part of the post? For me it is. Mrs. D

Magemouse, The sad truth of this lifetyle is that most single guys are NEVER going to connect with anyone in it. (you've been trying for HOW long, and you've met HOW many people so far?) So in that sense, it's not "you" that's the problem, it's the bullshit that some clubs and swinger websites spread about "real swinging wives!" who "swing with single males!" that's to blame. They're only out to get your money. Read that again. They're only out to get your money. That doesn't make them bad people. We all have to earn a living. But that does make them somewhat unethical when it comes to using "swinging" to promote their scams. Forget what you see and hear on swinger websites. Forget what some club owners tell you about meeting couples and "real swinging wives!" at their clubs. Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males." The ones that are can be, and are, VERY selective. If you attend a club or join a website that permits single males, it's not because the couples want you there, it's because the management wants you there. That is because.....(say it together, class!)........ They're only out to get your money. Remember? Occasionally a single guy does connect with a couple. But if you are not young, fit, attractive, and/or reasonably intelligent, your chances of that happening are almost non-existent. That's not a slam against you, the fact is that most husbands who swing as part of a couple (myself included) would't be successful as single males if we had to proceed in this alone. OK, to answer your original question about "how not to get overlooked" in this. After reading your post and your SLS profile, I would (respectfully) suggest that you are not one of those select few guys who's going to be successful at this as a single male. But you might be, as part of a couple. Therefore, my advice to you would be......find a woman IMHO, if you can't find a woman to do this with, you're never going to find a couple.

This is one situation I would absolutely advise against looking for a single male! By adding a male only, it's like you're saying, "We both know your gay, you might as well admit it" The problem is, I don't think he is. Bisexual maybe? You said he was answering mail from women too. Gay guys don't do that. My advise would be to find a couple with a bi-curious husband (they're out there) The reason I'm suggesting that instead of a single male is that the "message" here needs to be that in your mind, a person can have occasional intimate physical contact with someone of the same sex and not be anywhere near "gay" It happens in the lifestyle all the time, usually with women, but sometimes with men too. It's a big thing only if you make it a big thing. Also, another couple gives you some options as far as the other woman is concerned. He may find that given a choice, he'd prefer to be with women. It also lets him know that there are other men out there who are happily married, but like to play with another man on occasion. I think that trying to pin down what makes a man "gay vs straight" is more complicated than most people realize and WAY more complicated than it is for females. Don't make a big deal of it, just relax and maybe even encourage him to play with the other guy and it will probably be just another thing he does when you're with another couple.

I got the biggest laugh from reading this. I think because I wanted to say something like it but didn't want to get "gross." In many cases, the discomfort people have when considering anal is mental. If they think it is gross or presume it will be painful they won't go there. I liken it to when I was first discovering I had a vagina, which was when I started menstruating at 13 years old. I was scared to death of my vagina! I had all kinds of foolish fears; I thought if I stuck a tampon up there it may never come out. My point in mentioning this is, in time, and with self-examination and exploration I became familiar with that part of my body. I stuck my fingers up there, took a mirror to myself and got a 'feel' for my body. After all, who should get that opportunity more than me? Every person should get familiar with their body and not be fearful of snooping around. If you want to consider anal. Discover your anus, yes I know, another gross thought, but why should you expect yourself to allow someone else to put something in there before you do? Put on a latex glove, lube it up, and lock yourself in the bathroom. Spend some time getting to know yourself. Search the internet and you'll find plenty of places that will help you learn about anal sex and how that part of your body can be a highly erotic place.

So, my wife and I had our first meet and greet with couple set for this evening at a restaurant. We will most likely be politely declining 'their' company in the future. But before that decision is 'final', I'd like to relay our story and question... The first thing that struck me as odd, was that the guy showed up and when we asked about his wife/gf, he said she flew out to Beijing today or yesterday. Would have been nice for him to have inform us of that BEFORE we had set the 'date' or even when I had called earlier in the day to let him know the reservations were set and would we be seeing them tonight. ('Yes' was the answer.) Second this was originally, at most, a heavy petting date. Conversation was our main focus. It almost went beyond that... here's the way it went down. We kind of clicked with him at first and my wife and I were feeling very comfortable with David during dinner. He was VERY focused on sex and the lifestyle, clubs, parties, etc. Not really surprising considering the reason for the meeting in the first place. As the evening wore on he was flirting and generally playing and caressing my wife, which didn't bother me in the least. I was enjoying her getting excited by another man. Later he suggested we go to our place to get to the heavy petting part if we were all willing. We made it clear that there was to be no intercourse by him. Might not even be any by me as I wasn't quite ready to 'perform' in front of others. As we all began having fun, he seemed to want things a certain way and seemed less and less about pleasing my wife and doing just what she wanted. When it was about at it's hottest, he looked like he was getting ready to bareback my wife while I was working the top areas. I noticed and said 'we don't play there tonight' and he stopped saying he wouldn't and went back to licking and petting. (We purposely didn't bring condoms as my wife and I had agreed to this 'limit' earlier.) More and more it became about what he wanted and soon we had to slow it down and wind down for the evening. As I was cleaning up and taking care of nature, my wife tells me that she had asked about "Pat" his wife/gf and would we be meeting her next time. She had asked him this as she felt it was a bit unfair to me for it to be just him and me with her. He danced around it and mentioned coming back over himself, but not anything about "Pat". I have a two seater and we had left it at the restaurant. When he was driving me back to my car, I (not knowing my wife asked) mentioned it would have been more comfortable for me and my wife if I had a playmate too as I didn't want the two of us guys on my wife all the time. He kind of avoided a direct answer about bringing "Pat" or another of his 'swinging partners', but did talk about bringing condoms 'next time' and me going first, then him on my wife. Generally, as I thought more about it, I got the feeling he was a single male just looking to 'work' on some newbies. Maybe I'm wrong. So I pose the question to all of you... have we been "had"?