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I'm just a hick Okie, Owner's Pet, and I don't pretend to know the motivations of someone I haven't met, but my guess is that Julie (testing the newbie) and Numbskulls (alpha male syndrome) are closest. I can think of several good reasons for kissing your wife, but fucking with you would not be one of them. Suggesting that the reason he was kissing your wife was to "fuck with you" was very insulting to your wife, in my opinion. It's hard to fault any man for wanting to kiss your wife, especially if he's kissed her before and, therefore, has some idea of what it might be like. It's easy to fault an asshole for being an asshole, though. Here's how I would respond: Ask him to repeat what he said, as if you didn't hear or understand. Any repeated remark is weakened and will seem more foolish when you reply. "Well, I'll tell you what, Cowboy... It doesn't seem to be working." Ignore him. That's what will gore his psyche most. Mr. Alura

I think the situation you are describing here is something I too, have felt before. The words said to me were slightly different, but the situation was very similar. This is one very big reason I have said in many posts, that we not only learn about our partners. We learn about about ourselves as well Maybe I felt different in the way that you ignored it. I didn't ignore the situation.... I went into more of a chameleon mode. If that makes sense . Its just the only way to describe now, how I felt then. I just wanted to blend in. I was new and didn't quite understand how I felt, but I knew I felt something. Mostly, I just didn't want anyone to see that I was confused at the moment. After all when it happened to me, they were more experienced as well. I didn't know to much about using what I had learned in the way of social swinging skills/rules.... that worked for me personally. Now this is wrong as can be. Perhaps some sort of guy thing in the outside world, but not in my swinger world. Laugh in the swinger world and the whole world laughs with you. Get pissed off and show it. And its a very small world, alone. Or unless at best, your partner is by your side. For me, I am alpha enough to man up for some good sex and please the women I'm with. Alfa to Alfa, there is going to be some lashing out. I just don't like the possibility of those results in a swinging situation. If a man just wants to joke around a bit with me, thats cool and I can roll with a good joke. But to deliberately fuck with me and do it in front of my wife in a degrading way..... Then put me in the limelight. Well, thats not cool or impressive to me or Mrs.fun either. I cant imagine this person being experienced and doing this without failing somewhere in his past.... and not learning from it . Some people are just who they are I guess. Knowing myself better is knowing they aren't my type. At this point, could I ask. " What were your feelings about his partner/ wife ? What vibe was she giving you ? I totally agree, you were right about what you felt and what you heard. Sometimes people are who they are and can successfully play with others. Then knowing more about them as time goes on. They show enough of themselves in a way that we don't want to play with them again. In this case the guys opened his mouth and said the wrong thing to the wrong person. Sometimes we take things verbally from long term playmates that roll on, as nothing more than a joke. Let a new person say the same thing, and it takes on a whole new meaning. Its part of the social aspect I had to come to terms with personally. Like I say, I had to learn how to deal with people in a whole new way. Swinging with others is not at all like we live in the vanilla world. I think anyone with some experience could agree we end up in situations like yours and mine here. Sucks sometimes, but it does happen. Hand signals work sometimes for us but not always. Actually, rarely do they work when the sex is in play. Then there needs to be EYE contact. Mrs.fun gets caught up in her interactions as do I and we would would miss each others signals. Unless there is eye contact, I don't want to look like a baseball player with two fingers up, rubbing my hand down my sleeve, meaning.. I'm uncomfortable here. I don't want to be put in the spotlight by others. Mrs.fun always said lets just say "stop". Well that doesn't work for me personally in a group setting. It putts me in an uncomfortable place. I learned what works for me personally. 1. I try a hand signal. I don't want to give my secret signal here, but I do have one. We couldn't have more than one. Its too confusing especially when we are fucking. The hand signals are for social getting acquainted, only. I have learned to get Mrs.funs attention. Its all about that EYE CONTACT I just stand up and say "I'm not comfortable " If that is missed, I say STOP !There is no other way for us. It is about balance in a sense, I see what you are saying. We do o.k with keeping our connection between ourselves now. Its what we learned through experience, being together.

I have just purchased a different one and will share how it works, supposedly after a few days of working in the system (is a daily but can be taken a hour before sex supposedly) I should notice and feel a difference. I will let you all know as the time goes on as to its effect. and just so ya know I am one of those weird fellows that things either don't work at all, or I get all the side effects listed (which are none for this )

He wasn't "screwing with your head", he was testing you. You're new to the group, and this is his way of asserting dominance within that group, letting you know that no matter who feeds your wife and cares for her, HE'S the alpha-dog, and has (and will continue to) copulate with her at will. Let me guess.......this person is probably a little bigger than you, maybe a little more physically imposing, and has stronger ties within the group, correct? Doing this in front of everybody reasserts his position as alpha-dog to them, as well. That was the wrong thing to do. You should have challenged him. I don't mean to a fight (although that's how these things often end up in vanilla bars) but looked him dead square in the eye and said, in as cold and expressionless of a tone as you could muster, "That's enough" Say nothing more, you're not entering a negotiation or a dialogue. There's no need to curse, raise your voice, or make threats. With assholes like this you simply have to draw the line one time, but you MUST do it convincingly. Do so once, and you probably won't have to do it again, ever. As it now stands, you will probably have to do it at some point in the future, most likely when he's feeling his status slipping within the group.QUOTE=ownerspet;324425]Then, something happenned to alleviate the pressure that probably wouldn't happen in any similar situations. He looked at me right in front of my wife, and told me that he was just kissing my wife and feeling her up to f--- with me. This is where a nice right cross or roundhouse kick can be effective. As he's instinctively reaching up to his bloody face to see if his teeth are still where they were when he left the house, you say... "Sooooo, 'just fucking with me,' eh? Well, back at ya, pal!" and offer your hand in friendship. Well, not really, but it would be nice. The big question I have is, "Where in the HELL was your wife while all this was going on?" Couldn't she see (or sense) your obvious discomfort with all this? What's her problem? SHE should have been the one putting a stop to his actions. Why did she let this proceed? Well, yes and no. We don't have many "uncomfortable situations" in the lifestyle. If we did, we'd find another lifestyle. This is supposed to be fun. If somebody is deliberately making me uncomfortable ("fucking with me head" as you put it) worry about "making a scene" is the last thing I'm concerned with. Do whatever you have to do to put a stop to it. You shouldn't have to use hand signals. Your partner should be able to tell by the look on your face that you're not cool with the situation. If she needs a "hand signal" I suggest an upraised thumb, motioning towards the door. You're not ready for this, and you need to get her ass out of there. When people step out of line by taking liberties with your woman (like this guy did) they've already created "drama." The only question is "How will YOU respond to it?"