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1. Too many rules - especially rules intended to control their partner sexually, rather than about sexual preferances.

Cummunication is that thing that one attempts just before his gets his ass kicked. Cummunication is what gives others the where-with-all to persecute you. It is that cruel joke that GAWD played on the human race. It is that burning desire to let someone know who you are only to be mocked, ridiculed, outed, and punished for having done so. More seriously! It is that one quantity (quality?) that only the deviant 1% of couples possess, and the other 99% have no idea exists. It is talking TO the other person not AT them, but... talking with the intention that they HEAR what you have to say. It is also listening to the other person not waiting them out, but... LISTENING with the intention of hearing what THEY have to say. Cummunication IS NOT evaluation or judgement, not blame or making the other person wrong. Communication is creation and/or re-creation. Communication is re-creating for the other person your thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc., AND! it is creating for yourself the thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc. that the other person is sharing with you. But then what the fuck do I know?

Rules in this context are like security for your home- some people have locks on their doors, some have alarms, some have surveillance cameras, some have “panic rooms”, some have guard dogs, some people might even pay bodyguards to watch over them and their house. I’m sure there are many other security features that I haven’t even thought of. Is the person with door locks being insecure/paranoid? How about if they have an alarm on their house…are they insecure now? How about if they have all of the above and maybe even a secure tunnel that leads from their home to the police station…are they insecure now? People who barely lock their house will think the people with tunnels are insecure. People with tunnels with think people who don’t lock their house are stupid. The point is that the more your opinions differ, the more likely you will pass judgment about a persons motives…and, in my opinion, the more likely you will be somewhat correct in that judgment. (“likely” is the key word…it doesn’t mean “always”, just a statistical probability). Although we have a “to each their own” philosophy, and although we might never say anything out loud, we might think the person who has too many of those safety features is a little insecure. Maybe the insecurity is well founded because they had problems (let's say break-ins) in the past. Even if it is, we might not want to go to that persons house because we could get sucked into those problems (again, just an analogy). The same thing applies to swinging. Putting security features (rules) in place is a good thing. Having too many might cause us to question what problems they have had, or insecurities they have. A “red flag” doesn’t mean we are branding them as insecure or looking down on them. It just means that we will heighten our awareness and sensitivity to potential issues….issues that we don’t want part of our swinging experience. We may even decide not to play with them, just as they might decide not to play with us because we don't have enough rules. T