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I also agree strongly with Good Times and think that you should keep your friends and chatroom buddies out of your bedroom. I think the best idea that you have presented is to go to a swingers club or party and meet real swingers in the flesh. Here are some other thoughts, a 20-something cyber chat buddy that is willing to travel to meet a 40 something married woman is downright fishy. Shouldn't a 20something guy be chasing 20 something single girls? At best he may be some nerdy, isolated, shy boy that has developed some kind of cyber crush on your wife and he is having fantasys of her leaving you for him and then they are going to ride off into the sunset together. What you are wanting is an MFM experience with an body to fullfill a fantasy that will add excitement into your own sexlife as a couple. In other words you are just using the other male as a warmblooded dildo that talks and has hands and a tongue. The other male is just an adjunct to your sexual experience like a vibrator or a bottle of massage oil. To this young guy it is a whole different reality and he is probably fantasizing about he and her having this wonderfull relationship without you. An experienced and legitimate single male in the lifestyle knows he is just a dildo that talks and likes it that way and is consenting to that. Go to a swing club and meet real swingers. Real swingers understand and consent to the fact that couples are bringing others into their bedroom as an enhancement to their own sexual experience. Vanillas and chatroom denizens don't get that.

I don't perceive an increase in bi activity as signaling any kind of lack. I think the activity may be born of the freedom of the environment and encouraged by the obvious interest of onlookers. There are a couple of women I am just as comfortable with as any man. The nifty thing about interacting with them is that the interaction alone will heighten arousal in others. Why knock it? I'm probably one of those women who can engage in bi play, but when with the male, loses all track of my female counterpart. That awareness is lessened if she happens to be one in my strike zone. Is that a bad thing? Depends on what you're looking for. If the definition of bi-female is "a woman who can have a sexual experience with another woman and enjoy it," then I am a bi-female. But for the same reason that I won't engage in sexual activities with every man, I won't engage in sexual activities with every woman.