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Here's how I see it. Married couples (or even unmarried couples in a committed relationship who are living together in all ways as married people do - may even have children) are what makes swinging exist. Without couples, as I've described, there would be no swinging. Singles are part of swinging because of couples, and if they are having sex with couples, or even one of a couple, they are swingers too. Singles who I don't consider swingers are those who use swinger ad sites and clubs soley as an avenue to meet other singles. They never play with couples in any form nor have any intention of doing so. There are a few of those around. LM

I've personally never really sought to "limit" my choice in the women I enter into relationships with. Some of them have been into the lifestyle... others have not... but all have known about my experience in the lifestyle. It's a part of my life - but not the only part of it. It's not that I "respect her too much to bring her around" - but I do respect that if she's not interested in the lifestyle, I shouldn't force it upon her. I still introduce her to all my friends (swingers, polyamorous, monogamous, gay, straight, bisexual, etc.) and we even attend social events together with all these people. ... (shrug) ... but this isn't a thread to define "my" role in the lifestyle. I'm fairly comfortable in my role and probably won't be changing that. I feel this thread has started to focus a little too much on "me" ... let's get back to the original question: Single male "swingers" ... what defines them (in your eyes) and what makes them different from "regular" non-monogamous single males in society? EDIT: The previous poster above me brings up a good point as well... we could open up this discussion to be about "singles" in general in the swinger-scene. (I like this... the discussion is actually starting to really get good / in-depth)

Warning: alert! And what if you're a single female? Who's never been involved in the lifestyle as half of a committed couple? Your opinion may be your opinion, and you're by all means entitled to it. But you kinda muss up your logic when you use the word ALL. Because this swinger did not start as a couple. [/threadjack]

Nothing, because there is no difference. Most single guys like to fuck. If they're horny enough, they'll fuck anything. Fat women. Old women. Other guys wives. Other guys AND their wives. Guys dressed up like other guys wives. Single males will fuck anything and anybody, and those who hang around swingers clubs and websites aren't "swingers," they're opportunists. Nothing really, but if a single guy were to say "Hey, would any of you like to fuck my girlfriend? I'll just stand here and watch" he might have a little more credibility as a "swinger." NOW we're getting to the heart of the matter, the "litmus test" that defines whether you're a swinger or not. I think you answered your own question "Single male swingers" do NOT have "monogamous relationships" with women who are not in the lifestyle. This lifestyle is obviously a very important part of your life. Why would you want to be in a "monogamous relationship" with somebody who doesn't share it with you? Is it like Julie said, that you "respect your woman too much" to bring her around people like us? Personally, and this is just my own, PERSONAL opinion, I think ALL swingers start out as couples. I believe it's the only way you can truly know all the emotions and issues that are involved in this. Sometimes, when a person becomes single either through death or divorce, they can continue in the lifestyle as a "single swinger" if they choose. We know 2 males and 1 female who did just that for a while, but now they've all dropped out until they find new partners. I don't think you can go from being a "single male" to a "single swinging male" without passing "Married swinging couple"

To me it's his understanding of all involved. There are single males (and even females) who want to swing and who do actually play with couples but I would not consider them SWINGERS for the simple reason of they lack the understanding of what is required on the part of the couples. They don't realize that yes these couples really do love each other and are committed to each other. They don't understand the boundaries that are in place or why they are there. These are often the same single males that are perfectly ok with being a third or with having sex with some other guys wife, but if you asked them if they would swing if they were in a committed relationship the answer would be "hell no, I respect my woman too much for that" or "hell no, I couldn't watch my woman with someone else". Again basically proving that they really don't get where the couples involved are coming from. The difference is the attitude.