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Showing content with the highest reputation on 08/15/2008 in Posts

  1. 1 point
    As a survivor of abuse, I can honestly tell you there is no clear cut answer as to why women choose to stay with their abusers. The most common reason however, is fear. Many abusers do not start hitting their victims right away. These abusers appear to be the most loving partners. Then they start on mentally abusing their victims. It is so subtle at first most women blow it off to him having a bad day. Next thing you know is the woman starts believing it. She's silly, worthless, dumb, stupid, incapable of taking care of herself. She even realizes it was her fault that strange guy checked out her ass, she must have been encouraging him and thats why her SO is mad. She doesn't tell anyone what is going on because she is just being silly. And if children are involved she feels tied to him that much more. Then the hitting starts. Just a slap nothing more. He starts crying and saying "Oh honey, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to its just you were acting so silly." It escalates every time he hits her. And she now believes its her fault and it only happens when she is being silly or bitchy. She tells no one, because he has started convincing her no one will believe her. Now she is in fear because he says if he cannot have her noone can. She can't leave cause he will kill her. She is truly so afraid she won't leave now. So what do we tell these women in these situations. Take it one step at a time. Rule one is to keep him placated so it does not escalate to him seriously hurting you or worse. But start to put the wheels in motion. Research safe houses, go to a nurse at a hospital and ask where an abused woman can go. Write numbers down on a piece of paper and put it under the inner sole of a shoe so when you leave you have it right there, but you husband won't find it. Pack only what you can take when you leave the first time. Do not go back to pick up anything. Call NOONE you know when you leave unless you would trust them with your life. But in no way do you call any of HIS friends or family. Do not call friends that you have that are friends with him also. Some have been known to believe him when he says he loves you and that you are unstable and then they tell him where you are. You call the police and get a restraining order once you are gone. Stay with a family member who is a man if you can. Having a man around can help you feel safer. Don't worry about money, people that love you will help you. And they will never expect you to pay them back. Don't put pride in the way of your safety. Accept the help. Seek counseling first. When you are ready, file for divorce. Then worry about a job and money. And realize that this process can be done in one night or in one year. The time it takes to leave is different for every woman. Like Intuition, I do hope this is some kind of joke or troll because it pains me to know there are women still stuck in these kinds of situations. If it is real, I do hope the OP will leave this man. If its not real, then thank you to the OP for bringing a closeted subject out.
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