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Umm..... Ok........ You Sure?

I don't think there's anything wrong with khakis. You may just need to "hip" it up. Wear flat front pants instead of pleated ones, or get shirts with a more modern cut and color, or get a new haircut or new glasses (if you wear them). It's easy to get stuck in a rut, and 10 years go by and you're still wearing the same styles. Let your wife pick out some shirts that are a style or a color that you wouldn't normally wear. You may discover you like it. I buy most of Drew's clothes, and at first, he wanted his pleated pants and his brown or green shirts. Now he wears colors and has even conceded that the flat fronts are more flattering. The trick is to still be you, but updated. Pepper

two42lovers, You made some beautiful points (and used existential in a sentence, always impressive). I do tend to be a little reactionary about being defined by others, so I'll put some serious thought into the points you brought up, and I appreciate you putting the "practicing physician" spin on it. I think that the overall point to what I was trying to get across is that, regardless of what we (the people posting in this particular thread) define as swingers, the essence of whether the OP is a "swinger" or not is basically going to be defined by the OP's perception of what he is, perhaps in concurrence with a matching perception of the couple he is engaged with at the time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think I can sit back and point at the OP and say "yes, he's a swinger" or "no, he's not" without enteracting with him on a sexual level, with the foreknowledge and consent of my honey. I tend to percieve whether someone is a swinger or not by how they handle dealing with both partners, whether it's simply being considerate enough to bring the absent partner a nice cigar as a way of saying thank you for the quality time with your spouse, or whether it's by taking an active part in playtime with both partners. Text is such a difficult medium to convey meaning in, and I seriously doubt my ability to really get across what I mean, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that since I can't define the OP's "label", I'm not really sure how anyone else could, being as that there are so many different perceptions of what the label "swinger" means. So, basically what I'm trying to convey to the OP is... Congrats on all your self-searching, and self-education. Your attempts to find answers are commendable, and asking others in the lifestyle is definitely the best source for information that you'll find. However, take the wisdom that you find here and elsewhere, and use it to decide for yourself. It is what it is, and you are what you are. Hope that helps clear it up, and thanks ya'll for not throwing soap at the hippy, I promise I'll be back to my old (non-existential, lol) "corporate whore" personna by the next post.