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As a "conventional swinger" as you put it, this is my main concern and one of the main issues I have had with this whole thing since it's inception. I see your point about sharing details and being part of the process but a tremedous amount of emotional energy and a high emotional cost has been incurred in this whole scenario and I am not sure I am seeing the point to it or the payoff to you as the husband or to both of you as a couple. At some point Mrs Loki said that it was understood by all that this meeting was going to be "just sex." Well this has not been 'just sex' at any point in this operation. She has spent hours and hours every week with personal discussions with this man. Each of them sharing personal thoughts, feelings, interests etc. An emotional bond WAS formed whether that was the intent or not. When the time came to seal the deal an entire weekend of explosive sexual and emotional energy was released between just the two of them in a far off hotel room with you sitting home with your own "emotional vortices" wondering what was going on with her. As far as the emotional cost look at the heartache, anguish and uncertainty that you two have gone through leading up to this moment. Sure it may have been fun and exciting too but look at the overall emotional toll it took on each of you. Upon Mrs Loki's return, her words were "emotional mess" and other such descriptions. She states crying since leaving the hotel and both of you crying upon her return. Adding all of this up I only have one question - Why? Why did you both put yourselves through this emotional rollercoaster? Why did you expend this huge of amount of emotional energy and why strain the emotional fabric of your marriage? I'll admit that the physical safety issue may not have been as much as a risk as some were making it out to be but it was a logical concern nontheless. Then for shits and giggles lets throw in the financial expense. Why did you two put yourselves through all of this for a one-sided encounter with a sexually inexperienced and probably socially inept 22 year old college boy. There are probably hundreds of socially isolated and sexually represed 22 year olds within an hours drive of you that you could pick up at a college library for an afternoon romp. Why all the expense and stress with this one? What is the payoff to Mr Loki, Mrs Loki and to your marriage as a whole? How have each of you benifited from this experience? I'm not saying all of this to get down on you at all. I am being sincere in my questions. I really want to know. What is the benifit? I kind of agree with an earlier poster a few pages back, I don't think this is over and I don't think we have seen the end of this yet. This is a facinating case study up to this point but I'd like to continue to hear about it in the days and weeks to come.

Hmmm...attraction, yes...but "connection" more so. Does the guy have to be totally hot with rock hard abs? Doesn't hurt, but that isn't going to seal the deal. Has to be some sort of mental connection...smart, funny, interesting...for my wife to really be interested. We totally respect others who can "jump in the pile" and come out with a smile, but right now we need to have some other basis for getting naked with others.