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As a "conventional swinger" as you put it, this is my main concern and one of the main issues I have had with this whole thing since it's inception. I see your point about sharing details and being part of the process but a tremedous amount of emotional energy and a high emotional cost has been incurred in this whole scenario and I am not sure I am seeing the point to it or the payoff to you as the husband or to both of you as a couple. At some point Mrs Loki said that it was understood by all that this meeting was going to be "just sex." Well this has not been 'just sex' at any point in this operation. She has spent hours and hours every week with personal discussions with this man. Each of them sharing personal thoughts, feelings, interests etc. An emotional bond WAS formed whether that was the intent or not. When the time came to seal the deal an entire weekend of explosive sexual and emotional energy was released between just the two of them in a far off hotel room with you sitting home with your own "emotional vortices" wondering what was going on with her. As far as the emotional cost look at the heartache, anguish and uncertainty that you two have gone through leading up to this moment. Sure it may have been fun and exciting too but look at the overall emotional toll it took on each of you. Upon Mrs Loki's return, her words were "emotional mess" and other such descriptions. She states crying since leaving the hotel and both of you crying upon her return. Adding all of this up I only have one question - Why? Why did you both put yourselves through this emotional rollercoaster? Why did you expend this huge of amount of emotional energy and why strain the emotional fabric of your marriage? I'll admit that the physical safety issue may not have been as much as a risk as some were making it out to be but it was a logical concern nontheless. Then for shits and giggles lets throw in the financial expense. Why did you two put yourselves through all of this for a one-sided encounter with a sexually inexperienced and probably socially inept 22 year old college boy. There are probably hundreds of socially isolated and sexually represed 22 year olds within an hours drive of you that you could pick up at a college library for an afternoon romp. Why all the expense and stress with this one? What is the payoff to Mr Loki, Mrs Loki and to your marriage as a whole? How have each of you benifited from this experience? I'm not saying all of this to get down on you at all. I am being sincere in my questions. I really want to know. What is the benifit? I kind of agree with an earlier poster a few pages back, I don't think this is over and I don't think we have seen the end of this yet. This is a facinating case study up to this point but I'd like to continue to hear about it in the days and weeks to come.

OP - I read this post and your introduction. I'm a single female and have, as usual, been bombarded with emails from SM. Some of the things I have learned as I've gone along are these: 1. If a SM sends me a message, I don't want to read how big your dick is, how you are the best at eating pussy, how you'll be the best I've ever had. You don't know me and don't know what I've had. 2. If there are pictures I want to see more than just a dick picture. If you're a man I'm going to assume you have one. 3. Be willing to exchange a few emails so we can get to know each other a bit. I'm not here to fall in love but...there needs to be some connection for me to have sex with a man. 4. I don't want to hear you bad mouth your ex-wife, current wife, ex-gf, current gf.....and so on. Gives me the impression you are an asshole. 5. Just because I'm on a sex site does not mean I'm an easy, quick fuck. I have needs & desires that I am exploring now. I'm not looking to add notches to my bed post, just want to have some good friends that I can be sexual with. I've used the word you in here but please take that as a general you, collective of many SM looking for women, not a specific you. I don't know if you have a profile on a site but if so, your chances at success will be better if you try to treat women you want to meet as a woman, not a fuck toy. I am going to assume this will be for many couples also.

Its natures way....

Listen to chicup, his post is excellent advice. I can only ad one other thing. When looking for playmates, resist the urge of trying to hook up with people through non-traditional means (non-swingers), it almost never works out good. What I mean by that is, friends, acquaintances, random people on the internet, are not the way to go. To find playmates, go where the swingers are, like swingers clubs or swinger dating sights on the internet. The reason for this is, people who are swingers already know the rules. Personally, I wouldn't touch a single from a sex chat sight with a ten foot pole. The odds of him becoming a problem later are just too high. The standard non-swinger single that is willing to hook up with a married woman for sex often thinks that she needs him because she isn't satisfied with her husband. And if he likes her, he may decide that it is his mission in life to take her away from that. Whereas, an experienced swinger knows that it is just about recreational sex, and will not be nearly as likely to become drama that you will need to extricate yourself from later.

OK... Not to be an asshole, but your post kind of exemplifies why, for me at least. I know (hope?) you're probably partially joking, but you're pretty much displaying the attitude many of us RUN from. Glad you may want to "fuck my wife too", but that privilege is reserved for me, and other folks who are actual genuine participants in this LS and respect it and each others marriages. I'm sure there are lots of women out there who want X man gangbangs or just an endless series of purely physical encounters with absolutely no meaning attached to them. Why dont the frustrated single males just head in that direction? The ones who complain, I think, generally don't "get it" and the ones who "get it" will be patient. It's a great litmus test really.