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Let me ask you a few questions rather than giving any opinions yet... How did you come to this point? Presumably, you raised the idea, yes? What was her reaction? What is your, I guess, "goal" in this? I think in order to understand how you may be affected, and decide if any potential risk is worth it, you have to understand first what it means to you and how you got to this point. For many (most?) its something that just stays a naughty, pillow-talk, fantasy to spice things up. And there is nothing wrong with that. Most of the positive changes discussed here can happen in other ways - especially if the communication is good. Not to belittle them, but there are other ways to deal with insecurities and know that you truly are a sexy, desirable, individual who is adored by your mate without needing to do this. Maybe I'm playing devil's advocate, but I think someone needs to REALLY know that this is who they are before they take any kind of real step down this road. So tell us a little more about what has been on your mind.

The girls aren't the only ones that get to decide what you do. If you're not attracted, you're just not attracted. Period. I think she's being selfish by pretty much guilting you into playing with this other couple, unless of course, you've done the same thing to her on previous occasions. I think sometimes the excitement of being in the lifestyle leads to some desperation and clouded judgement. If you stop for a minute and think, it doesn't make any sense to have bad sex with people you aren't into. Either one of you. Hell, you're together....you can have sex anytime. And, if you think this other woman is fooled into thinking that you're into her, you're kidding yourself. As lousy as it is for you, I'm sure it's as lousy for her. You really shouldn't full swap with this couple. You and your wife should figure out whether she should play separately with them, or if you should part company with them all together. Pepper

WOW....there are so many things wrong with that last stement that I will go through it piece by piece and dismantle it..... It's not your place to say what the LS is for other people. For some SM, it may just be that. A place to find women to have sex with, but in a different environment that they may feel more comfortable in...How can you possibly define another persons experience? For couples YES, but singles ARE a part of the culture.So to feel as if there perspective is not something that should be respected is a fairly irresponsible attitude to take...it would seem to me that you would be asking for trouble with such an elitist point of view. Here you say some valid things (which I will address), but I would hope that not all share your belief that single males are nothing more than a "Talking Dildo"...I mean seriously, is this the level of discussion you want to have? It seems rather crass, and unfortunate that you would say such a thing.... NOW the point of your interactions being on your terms would depend on many things, but I assume would generally be the observed standard. The nature of 2 on 1 would pretty much make that evident. But again these are the types of things I assume would be discussed when guidelines, and rules were laid down...again this would be more of preferences thing. Some couples may want to be dominate, others may want to watch, some may want to be dominated....just like any other situation. AGAIN, crass, immature and unfortunate...I would hope this is not a common belief held in the LS. And from what I've read on here, there is much more of a sense of community than those statements indicate. This is maybe the most reasonable statemant made during your reply, although I would say that this is probably not an absolute truth... Never said anything of the sort regarding sluts, or desperation. That is your own insecurity coming to light....And this is the most imporatant line of my whole response....I am not some loser who is "striking out in the vanilla world"...I am in the bullpen practicing my pitches. I am in no rush. All things come in due time. That's why I am here... You can heave personal attacks at me all you want, you won't scare me away. I am intrigued beyond belief. And will continue to learn. Period.