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I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. One thing I read a while ago which stuck in my mind is that only you can make yourself feel embarrassed. It is you who turn others thoughts against you. If you choose not to be embarrassed then there is no embarrassment in what you do. The same goes for breaking you apart here. Only you can do that with your own consent. If you both agree to it, both do it, and then it breaks you apart then the fault is with you. Caution is natural, but if it seems like something you both WANT to do then how can you be mad at each other after you agree to do it together? If you know yourselves well enough then these questions really don't need to be asked, and you are trying to find a reason to not swing that doesn't mean facing your fear of this new territory. Our rules are always the same. Either one of us can call it off at any time. Beyond that no rules. Rules can be too confining and I think give you something to be hurt about if they are broken. Some people make pages of rules, these people tend not to really swing, but that is another issue. Lets say your rule was 'no kissing' and after she goes nuts on his penis for a while and she goes to kiss him, hes suppose to say 'no sorry its a rule?' Now of course you could discuss it prior but outside of a few turn offs the rules should really be kept to a minimum. If you don't want to full swap right away or the like, thats fine, but don't make it a codex of laws. For rules I'd keep it simple to a few big don'ts you just are not comfortable with. I'd also add keeping it in the same room is psychologically easier than separate. Separate seems better to some to start but the mind can imagine things far more unnerving than reality at times. Ironic since many people credit the Air Force for 'inventing' suburban swinging though I'm sure its far older than that in reality. Privacy will be up to you, and how you pick your partners. You could always do the travel thing to start, but you roll the dice each time. The common retort is that 'well they are their for the same thing' but there is always a chance someone will see you that you don't see yourself, or that they don't care if they are outed. Keep your pictures private, maybe without face shots until you can 'vet' the other couple a bit if you do online. Privacy is very ephemeral these days, and we were discovered once by a business associate of mine, nothing ill came of it, but I still wish he didn't know. So the risk IS real but so is the reward. We would rather be outed to our families than never have swung in the first place. Its done great things for us, things we wouldn't want to go back to the 'old us' even if it meant people knew about us. Remorse is cureless,--the disease Not even God can heal; For 'tis His institution,-- The complement of hell. - Emily Dickinson Honey, if you saw a me giving a guy a bj, while his wife gave you one, would it turn you on, or would it make you want to kill him? As silly as that sounds, its pretty much the type of question to ask. Remorse should only happen if you feel guilty about it, if you wish it wasn't done. Jealousy on the other hand, can happen and it can be real, the question is how well do you handle it if it happens. It can be shocking seeing just how quickly your partner gets into the act with someone else. For some I think it sparks a visceral fear that 'she/he doesn't really need me!' but how you handle it can vary far to wildly to give you good advice. If he really loves you, and you really love him, then you should be fine. Jealousy isn't about love but possession, and if you know they love you enough that you don't need to possess them to keep them, then you can do this without much worry.

Hi summers30s, I know where you are coming from. You have a nice looking sexy wife that, in private, may have expressed certain fantasies of hers. It's very difficult to translate those things to a real life encounter. She says she did the things you mentioned; but you don't really know because you weren't there. She may have been trying to please you by saying that she did go ahead with them. Have you had any confirmation from her partners that she did them and what her demeaner was? When we started down this bouncy road, I was the one who "pushed" her to realign her boundaries of what was ok. The problem for us was that she came to feel that I was not staying connected with her and putting too much pressure on her. WE HAD TO STOP...and as of this writing don't know when we'll try again to play with others. I think you should back off and find out how YOU really feel about the lifestyle. What are your goals? Your lady should never feel that you are too into it, at least until she finds what the fun is really all about. I felt that expressing enthusiasm was a good thing and would show her what it was all about. It didn't work out that way and it has been a tough thing for me to face that I changed our relationship forever and will probably never play again. The memories are nice. I had hoped we could continue, but my attitude and the pressure I placed on the whole deal has pretty much ruined it for us. If you don't want that to happen, I would back off and let her decide when you can do something in the future. Your wanting to see her in "action" seems onesided. Don't you have a desire for other ladies? This just sounds too familiar for me to have a positive outcome, but I hope for the best for you two. Remember to place each other first, even though you will be with different people. Male D