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Showing content with the highest reputation on 10/01/2008 in all areas
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1 pointLet me address what I see as an underlying problem here. The fact that your wife chats intimately with this guy. To me that is not part of swinging. Neither Mrs. Lol nor myself talk with play partners spouses on a regular basis, common sense tells us that's just not part of this. Perhaps a poll on how many times does someone talk intimately on a regular basis with their play partners might be in order, I'd like to know if we are out of sync with the norm, although I do not think so. Mr. Omg
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1 pointHi everyone. My first post in a while. The OP brings up a good question. Mr. Fuse and I sometimes look at profiles and wonder why, even if someone really does feel that way about body size, race (especially race, in our area), cock size, breast size or what have you -- why crow about it in your profile? If those people write to you, for heaven's sake, just politely turn them down. No need to announce your shallowness or low-mindedness to the entire community. Unless, of course, you are proud of it. Just yesterday we got an email from a couple whose profile says "we are good-looking and we only want good-looking people". Comments like that make me less motivated to get off my ass and go meet them, because I think they will just be snooty in person too. By the way, they are fairly good-looking (especially her), but maybe not as good-looking as they think (especially him). Sigh... isn't that always the way? {grin} We also got email from a couple we don't find attractive from their pictures. So I just wrote back and said I didn't think there would be an attraction, but it would be nice to meet at a party or meet and greet, since we have a lot in common. No need to say, "We think you're unattractive". Who knows, if we met them in person, they might get us hot. But we won't go meet them if we think it's unlikely. Am I going to put a line in our profile that says "If you're ugly, don't write to us"? No... because it's rude, and just as importantly, some "ugly" people are pretty sexy. However, I can understand a certain stridency I see in some profiles, because I recently noticed it had invaded ours... I got a bit whiny about a pet peeve or two that I have (no pictures of the guy). I revised again, and now I think the negativity is gone. No need to advertise my annoyance when I'm trying to be alluring. In short, I think people are rude in their profiles for two main reasons. One, because they think if someone they wouldn't be attracted to writes to them, it says something about the couple receiving the email. It doesn't. (Well, sometimes it does.) If you don't like some types of people and someone of that type writes to you, it doesn't mean you're that type or that someone would mistake you for that type. Some people just don't want to "get any on them". It's very high school. If you're seen talking to someone who's not cool, maybe you're not cool either... The other reason I think some people are rude in their profiles because they've had one too many aggravating things happen to them, and they are venting. It's just not the most advantageous place to vent.
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1 pointOkay, this post will be a serious one. I'd talk to him, just to find out what he has told her so that you will be prepared to keep any confidences that need be kept. "Say, Zeus! Since we know each other from PervertedSwingers.com, I'm wondering if Hera is aware of your swinging life. I'd hate to accidentally let something slip that might embarrass you." If you're honest and straightforward, you'll end up with the information you need to handle the situation in good taste. Mr. Alura
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1 pointYeah, out of all of this I would be most upset that my wife was showing me so much disrespect. Forget trying to get his wife involved, what I suggest is telling her that you don't want her to see him anymore and it's time for you and her to find some new playmates (or spend time with other playmates you already have). I know you have already done this, but this time don't phrase it as you asking her if she is ok with it. Tell her that you are no longer ok with the situation and you want her to stop seeing him and stop talking to him. The point here isn't really to get her to stop (that is the ideal situation), the point is to gauge her reaction. If you lead the conversation, are strong and firm yet she still resists then you now know that her desire for him outweighs her respect for you as a man. Tough thing to hear and I agree with the other poster that this is likely the reason you have let this go on so long. Now, even if she expresses her resistance to ending things with him it doesn't mean that you can't salvage things. It doesn't mean that you can't change her perception of you. It doesn't mean that things won't turn around. You can change things, but you need to know where you are at right now so you can understand what you need to do. Let us know how it goes and what her reaction is. Remember, don't ask her to stop seeing him; tell her that you are no longer comfortable with the situation and that it's time for her to end her relationship with him. No explanation, don't make a big "we need to talk" lead in to things. While you're hanging around watching some TV or grabbing a coffee just pop it out there. No lead in, just casual but firm.
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1 pointShe has also said they talk about lots of stuff, like the breast cancer his wife is going through now. Okay, what? His wife has breast cancer, and he's tomcatting behind her back? And your wife is cool with that? I'm sorry, that is just plain wrong. Obviously they are not thinking, so you have to do it for them. I have let it continue because I rationalize that if it makes her happy then why not as long as I'm not being deceived in anyway You've had the opportunity to rationalize it. The other wife HAS been deceived, and that is NOT swinging. One way or another, if you respect yourself and your marriage, AND their marriage, you have to put your foot down.
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1 pointThe other posters are trying to be sensitve and politically correct to protect your feelings and not make you feel any worse than you already are. I'm going to tell it like it is to give you a reality check so you can take back your life and hopefully save your marriage. This dude and your wife are a couple of pukes and are taking advantage of you and the other wife and you are being a pussy for letting them push you around and get away with their shit while you knew all along this wasn't right. You have made many mistakes throughout this whole ordeal, don't try to fix it by making one more huge mistake by trying to schmooze the other wife so your wife can cheat on you more with this schlep. It may be three years late in coming but you need to toss this dickhole out to the curb and tell your wife if she wants to stay married with you then she needs to sever all ties with this guy... no texts, no emails no nothing. This is nothing more than a sanctioned affair and you are sanctioning it by your inaction. This is nothing but a drama bomb full of pain and destruction getting ready to go off. If you want to save your marriage you are going to have to man up, velcro your balls back on and take your marriage back. First thing in the morning go to a family law lawyer and find out how to get all your assets into your name. Find out how to protect your paternal rights and start drawing up the divorce papers and get all your ducks in row and to your advantage. Once you have all your shit together then you call a "Come-to-Jesus" meeting with her and show her that you have your shit together and you mean business and give her the option of living "mopey and disappointed" without her boytoy untill you two can get some good counseling. Or she can have the boytoy while she is fighting for visitation rights of her kids while living in a van down by the river. I'm being hard on you because you knew from day one that this was not a good situation and you saw all the red flags and yet you did nothing to stop it. Now that you are starting to see the shitpot that you have all created you trying to backpedal by coming up with some cock-a-may-me plan to fuck his wife so your wife can keep her affair going with this asshole. You know you've fucked up, so quit digging yourself in deeper and pull the plug on this whole ugly, messed up situation before you have a real disaster on your hands.
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1 pointTom~ What you posted in #7 reiterates what you've already said, and I do understand how you have tried to convince your wife to change her view of this guy. Getting this guy's wife involved doesn't seem plausible, with all you've said. As others have already pointed out, you taking one for the team would not be advisable or satisfying. It's not your or your wife's place to tell this man's wife that he's cheating on her with YOUR wife. Your wife is having an affair with this woman's husband and the wife is not going to want to hear about it from you. You asked me "should anything more be done?" Tell your wife that you don't want her to see him anymore and ask her to stop all communication with him. Don't invite this couple to your parties. Drop them. Then see what your wife does. You believe your wife has fallen for this guy, you probably wonder if she is in love with him. She may be. If so, you should find out and face this head on. If your wife is keeping you in the game only so she can be allowed to have an affair with her playmate, that's not healthy swinging.
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1 pointI'm sure the NASCA apple is a good sign, but you also might risk coming off as a pretentious Mac user The general consensus around here is that if there were a sign that were common enough to be posted here, no swinger would use it for fear that they would be easily outed through association therewith. If you can find it on the internet, it won't afford you the discretion that you might want in this lifestyle. The NASCA apple is older than the Mac Apple. When Mac came out they got NASCA to "change" their logo. I believe Mac has deeper pockets than NASCA and was able to accomplish this. So NASCA just changed the bite of the apple to the other side of the apple. That's your swinging history lesson for the day.