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How do you know if this is just a fantasy or not? When you try reality. Then you'll have the answer. Go slow and communicate.

Susan here-- You gotta love someone who quotes from 'Dune', thanks Chicup. That being said, I had played A LOT before marriage and Ed had never. When he asked to try Swinging, we talked a lot about it. What he expected to see, what he thought the experience would be like, etc. And, despite outlining the experience, know that things never play out exactly as you think. Be open to diversity in your experience. For him, because he wasn't looking for trouble or jealousy or problems, he didn't have any. He did have an incredible night where the sex was so good the neighbors needed a cigarette. In our case we had two couples over, that I knew,and Ed explains it like this,"I look and there's this beautiful woman, she's on all fours, one man taking her from behind, the other man is getting oral sex from her and they're having a great time and all I'm thinking is 'Yep, that's my wife,' and then I had sex with her best friend Kate." I really hope that if you try swinging and do not like it , that you will not harbor regrets. I find it so sad when people have sex that they regret. An experiment that you do not repeat is fine, trying new things is part of life, but please do not have regrets. For us, choosing to have fun and not have regrets, no matter what, made the reality much better than the fantasy. Thanks for listening.

That's all good and well, but as it was pointed out earlier, Sif may be waiting a very long time, then. I hope you two take a break from this "open marriage" deal and get your shit together. If you want fairness and for her to wait and it's bothering you, then you two need to go back to the drawing board. That's what's fair - any issue should mean an automatic time out and a relationship check. I've already said fairness is a worthwhile goal, and others (some of who you've not commented on - Goodtimes and TNT in particular) have made very good points about fairness and open marriages and heart-thinking versus dick-thinking. I really wish I had seen you address their commentary, because it's completely relevant. I have already commented that fairness is a hard one to pull off and I'll add that if it's a tally mentality, it's really not much of an open marriage. If fairness is the theme that keeps arising with you - then both of you need to back off before you two scorch the land for miles around, leaving third degree burns on all three of you in its wake.