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In my opinion it kind of depends. If the guy has a problem that he can never get an erection, then yes, I would think he would be obligated to let prospective play partners know that up front. On the other hand, we have never met anyone that had such a problem. Usually, in our experience at least, we have found that a lot of guys occasionally have a problem getting it up in play situations. In fact, it has happened to me once in a while. In that case, telling someone you may have a problem ahead of time would usually be a deal breaker, so I doubt many would do it, nor would I expect them to. The fact is, if they tell someone ahead of time that they may, or may not get it up, in most cases, they probably wouldn't get many folks to agree to play with them. Additionally, telling people that would be setting themselves up for failure, because if you don't have self confidence going in, it is almost guaranteed that you will have problems later. Let's face it here, I would guess that at least 90% of the guys in the lifestyle will have a failure to perform at some point. It is not a question of if it is going to happen, but rather a question of when. The fact is, from my experience, some times a guy has a failure to rise to the occasion for no apparent reason, other times it is obvious to him why it isn't happening. In those cases it can be a number of reasons like, to tired, to late in the evening, had a hard day and can't get mentally focused, to much to drink, to many distractions, and even though he would never say so to a playmate, sometimes the woman is just not doing it for him. In all of those instances though, the guy didn't know it was going to happen ahead of time. So, realistically, their would be no way to warn someone in advance. I hope this does not seem to harsh a thing to say, but if it is happening that playmates are failing to perform more often than not, it could very well be a problem with the woman's approach. Frankly, after a guy has gained some experience in the lifestyle, more often than not, failure to perform is usually because the woman just isn't turning him on. Not always, but I believe that is often the case. If that is suspected, maybe a little self evaluation and change of approach can fix the problem. We like to be politically correct and say that it is never the woman's problem, but that would be a lie. In my experience, if I am having performance problems now days, it is either that I can't get into it because I have had a hard day, or, more often than not, the woman is just not as exiting in the play room as I had anticipated. On the other hand, guys that are new to swinging will often find that the excitement of it all is distracting enough to make performance a problem. In this case, if you are having fun with the guy otherwise, usually this problem clears up on its own with time and familiarity. So it isn't unusual for someone to have a problem one time and the next time everything works out fine. But if you want to almost guarantee that a guy will have performance problems, just bring the subject up ahead of time. Not often, but a couple of times in the past, a woman making a big deal about guys not being able to get it up with her before we went to the play room, has resulted in me feeling so much pressure to perform that their was no way I could keep it up. Now days, if a woman that I haven't played with before brings the subject up to me, it is pretty much a deal breaker for me, as I don't want to set myself up to fail. And while I hate to admit it, if a woman says she has a constant problems with guys not being able to perform, I will assume she probably isn't that fun in the play room.

JoAnn has a question that she wants me to pose to the Swingersboard membership. Should a man who has difficulty gaining or maintaining an erection say so before getting into a partner exchange and, if yes, at what stage of a developing acquaintanceship should it be declared? Should it be stated plainly in the the on-line profile? During initial phone conversations? During an initial meeting? At a follow-up meeting? Before making the swap? It is supreme disappointment for her to hear, "Oh, sorry about that. I have diabetes and can't get it up. But don't worry, I'm really good at oral sex." She really does understand that some men cannot or occasional have a problem. But really, it's now three in a row who have announced themselves only after a half-hour of oral sex in a vain attempt to "get it going". She is beginning to think it's her. Help!

I have no idea how to hire a prostitute, but finding one doesn't seem like it would be too difficult. Since you seem determined, hire one. Then come back and tell us how it went. I'm curious to know what you discover. LM

If it weren't for the differences why would we swing? Different does not mean better or worse, just different. I really enjoy getting head from one of our friends because she likes me to cum in her mouth. I really like getting head from Mrs. Cpl because it feels so good even though she does not let me cum in her mouth. They are both better in a different way.

I read this quote on another thread about best lovers and it got me thinking about my own experiences. Until I got into the lifestyle, I never really noticed major differences in my lover's parts and abilities. However, having been in the lifestyle for a few years now, I do notice these differences much more. I have also had lovers (about 4) whose penis just felt better than anything I felt with my man. 3 were better at oral sex, but I have yet to find a better kisser. I posed this question to my man and he also has had 2 women whose vagina felt better than mine, and 3 better at giving him oral sex, etc...This didn't bother me at all, because I view sex and love as two different things. In fact, it just got me more curious. If we're just talking about the physical aspect of sex and not love, please share your thoughts and experiences? Have other's felt better during penetration? Were other better at oral, etc...?

OR maybe, we have no desire to waste copious amounts of time at a place that, by all of the accounts of people I know personally that have attended them in my area, does not have what we are looking for! I work at a top-flight strip club in my area, so my ear is pretty close to the ground here. Not to mention the fact that our lives are pretty busy and full as it is. We want an easy, discreet encounter and have no desire to spend hour upon hour looking for a single girl, while consistently but politely turning down couple after couple. I mean, you don't wear signs in these places stating what it is specifically you are there for, do you? Would we rather have a pretty young thing who wants to play around with a couple of chunky 30-somethings for the sheer joy of it? Duh! But finding out that that happening has lotto-type odds has led us to inquire about the services of remunerated females. What it boils down to, boys & girls, is money vs. time: When I was in my early to mid 20's, single and broke, I had tons of the latter and none of the former, plus I was about 50-60 lbs. lighter and prettier as a result. Back then, I could get away with spending virtually no money, while getting tail on a fairly regular basis. Fast forward 10+ years, add a wife, a kid and a gut, and now I have a decent amount of the former, but precious little of the latter. We had no idea that finding what we wanted involved pounding the ground like this. Call us naive, but we had figured that the internet would cut through all of this BS and match tab A to slot B, so to speak. And, you're right, escorts aren't real people. I'm hoping the agency sends us that sexy cyborg we've had our eye on. Hopefully, she won't want "genuine" money. I swear, some seriously high horses around here...

"Swinging will destroy an insecure relationship". This is true, most times. But in most cases that relationship will either settle down into boredom, if it is saved, or fall apart eventually anyhow, probably both. What you describe are two people who have personalities that desire excitement and constant renewal. There is a case to be made that trying to 'fix' such a relationship in the standard 'suburban' way is a recipe for failure, and will lead to future regret of life wasted. On the flip side, such personalities may just find each other more stimulating if swinging is introduced, and grow closer because of it. Boredom is the greatest foe of sexually adventurous people, and can kill a relationship before it can even start. There is no blanket statement that can advise a couple. Everything depends on their personalities. I submit that the majority of swingers are what i would term vanilla swingers. Suburbia breaking the boredom. The two of you don't sound like you fall into that category. I'll put my asbestos suit on now.

Me either, thus this thread (which it doesn't look like you took the time to read) and its title. Never said it was...? We "seem determined"? Now I know you didn't read this thread. Can't tell if this is sarcasm or genuine curiousity, but unlike a few others on this board, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt here. Sorry, but from the way some of the posters have lashed out at us on this thread, with the exception of a few friendly names that I will PM, we will be keeping our future activities, whatever they may be and whomever they are with to ourselves.