I kinda agree with Julie. We like to talk and get to know people first, but sometimes, it works against us. Two examples: We met a couple for a meal at a restaurant. After the usual small talk, the subject got around to sex and swinging, with us doing more listening than actually talking. After a good little while, I was sure we would never play with this couple, and I could tell by D's expressions that she agreed. You know, that some little something you can't put your finger on a lot of the time that tells you "NO WAY" That's the way it was with them, so we never mentioned playing with them. We just left after the meal, and told them we would talk to them later, which we have, but we have never met them again.
Second example: We met another couple at the same restaurant sometime later. We talked a good while, learning we had a lot in common as a couple. We all seemed to feel pretty comfortable with each other, so I asked them if they wanted to get a room and play. The Hubby said he always leaves the decision up to his wife. Well, she says it doesn't matter to her, but what does D think. She's ok with it, but then the other wife says it's so late they really need to get home in a hour or so, because they live a hours drive away. So we make a date for the next Sat night, and get an earlier start. This time we go to their house. We grill out, and afterward, we watch some porno flicks with them. We play with our own spouses, and when they get finished, she gets up and gets dressed, so we do to. We have been to their house several times since, and them to ours, and stay in touch by phone and yahoo all the time, and are great friends. We still talk a lot, but we still haven't played with each other, and I doubt we ever will, but they are good friends to have.
Sometimes talk helps, sometimes it hurts. We would never just start playing with somebody we had just met until we had a chance to sorta get to know them a little bit, but that's what works for us.....