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We started as a traditional swing couple and slowly migrated to an open relationship. I travel alot for work and it just worked for us. We still play together when we get a chance, but most often play separately. PS. One of our rules is that we must tell the other immediately after playing alone.

Some other great posts regarding both this latest situation and our/your reaction to it. My own personal concern with this is that you've, yet again, seemed to have said thanks then moved on to defending either yourself or Sif. No one here is attacking you at all and there is no adversarial situation going on. I'm concerned that you're doing nothing more than working through your own thought process and not actually taking much of the thoughtful information and advice into consideration. You don't need to defend yourselves to us at all, our posts are something to think about and consider for both of you. Rather than just either defend or discount what folks are saying, take a step back and actually give all these comments some serious thought. Far more comments here through your whole experience have been spot on than you give credit for.

I feel like we are becoming your group therapy session here, and quite frankly it's troubling. You came here looking for advice--that's cool, it's what this place does soooo well. However instead of taking in the advice, making a decision and moving foward--you want us to hold your hand, every step of the way. To me this is a big ass red sign saying You aren't ready for extra-marital sex yet. You find a friend you want to bed, your wife disagrees yet you insist she is the one you want. Where is the respect for her opinion? Why not just drop it and look elsewhere. It took the friend's "Soft no" to get you to move on--does that seem like it's right to you??? NOT ME Likewise... You asked mama to restrain her self, she agreed. Yet shortly after you left she wasn't so in control--Where is her respect for your wishes? The shizznit only gets deeper with her acting pissy after-the-fact. Nice way of displaying her priorities and lack of compassion for you. See what I mean...NOT READY Both of you need to keep your junk in your own marital pants, tell the wet-behind-the-ears college kid to get lost and concentrate on each other. It takes ALOT more than talking to communicate... An old Frog (USN type) once made the comment "The only way that stupid fucker will learn is through pain" While he was certainly refering to physical pain I think it COULD apply here, in terms of emotional pain--IS THIS YOU (as a couple)??

I won't try and claim I know a whole lot about swinging or open relationships since we've only been swinging for less than a year, but we have been together for a long time and I think I've got a decent handle on building and keeping a healthy relationship. To me her online addiction is a symptom of her being bored with her life, you mentioned some depression, she doesn't know what she wants (the shrugs) and is enthralled with her online game and the people she is meeting there. She is hiding within there to shelter herself from the monotony of her daily life. You can't force her out of that place, you can only control yourself and your own actions. I hesitate to get too personal, but if you're not comfortable answering just think about a few things to yourself: do you have many hobbies that get you out of the house? Are you physically active (playing sports, going to the gym etc.)? Do you go out a few nights with your friends on your own? Do you and your wife do anything together (hobbies, travel, trying new experiences other than having sex with others ? When my relationship was at a point where this kind of thing was happening (although not to quite the same degree I'll admit) what got us past it, and brought us closer together, was me getting out and being active outside of the house. Spending time with friends, trying new activities, meeting new people (just friends, not sex), picking up old hobbies and generally leading an exciting life. Doing things that were fun and exciting to me. After a little while of seeing me having such a great time my wife poked her head out of her stupor a bit and rather than just waiting for her to tell me what she wanted to do, or ask her how she felt I lead her into my exciting life. One day when she seemed to be in less of a funk I told her that she and I were heading out for the night. She jumped at the chance for a night out together and I took her out for a date just the two of us. After that I started to get her out doing activities that we'd used to do together and things that I know she loves to do. Trying new things together, doing activities we both loved and sometimes activities only one of us loved (I so love to see her super excited and am happy to sit through the opera to see that). What happened with us is that we'd gotten bogged down into a monotonous life together. We had stopped doing the things we loved to do and forgot what it was like to have an exciting relationship. I have made a point to ensure that we don't slip back to that. It doesn't mean that every night or every week we have to be doing crazy new things, but we consistently are doing something we find fun and we try new things together or do old things that we love whenever we can. Focusing on that has meant we haven't slipped back again and we both have been happy and get closer all the time. My advice, take it for what it is (not trying to say I know all your problems lol, it just seems a lot similar to your situation). Take care and good luck with everything!