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There are plenty of men and women out there that have a hard time separating the emotions of kissing. Some think kissing is more of an emotional act than sex. Then there are the opposites who think sex is just about as intimate as you can get. It's all in your perception. We used to have the no kissing rule that lasted about 20 minutes into our first play-date. It's a feeling that you can't imagine until you're in the thick of things. In my mind, it was going to be worse to watch my husband kiss someone than to fuck this woman. Thinking about it, there are plenty more things that we keep just between each other than kissing. Good grief, we have more than 24 years together, three kids, a dog and a life full of love and laughter. Kissing someone else is not going to change that. Ever.

This describes my wife and I. She's willing to fuck on the first date but I never have been. Second, third date no problem but I'm just shy. I'm learning to be less shy and sooner or later I'll fuck a girl on the first date but I'm just not there yet. Until then I'm happy with my wife fucking the guy half of couples we meet right away because it helps to send a clear signal that yes we do like you and we are willing to play. My normal goal lately is to try to make sure that I've at least gone down on all of the girls who showed up with all of the guys who fuck my wife each night. In terms of what people think of us, it has been useful. At least one woman took a pretty foul attitude about it and expressed her frustration with me in some cranky, pissy terms. We didn't have much interest in her or her husband after that. Another couple, the guy was totally oblivious even after our second time to the fact that he was getting laid but his wife wasn't. Not concerned about whether I was having fun, whether his wife was having fun, or even if my wife was comfortable, he just wanted to stick his erection in my wife who was much more attractive than his wife. His obliviousness is why I never felt comfortable going further with his wife. We ditched them and never looked back. Both of those couples have left a trail of drama in their wake elsewhere and we're glad to have rejected them easily and early. Our attitude is that people who can't handle me being a shy gentleman and her being a slut can just suck it. Some of our best friends in the world now are couples where the guy went ahead and tagged my wife ASAP the first time we first got naked, but then when they realized afterward that I was shy and slow the guy pulled back and gave me some room to operate. When a couple is cool enough to see what's going on and accomodate us, we're sold. We keep those couples. There are enough cool couples who accept our half-swap-initially style for us to have more than our share of fun. A warning to swinger newbies: all of this talk about going at the pace of the slowest person is bullshit. Especially if the slowest person is male. It's just not realistic, TRUST ME on this. In general people will NOT respect your need to go more slowly unless you're vocal about stopping things that have already started. Once you start out into the 'real world' you can fully expect an experienced guy to have one hand on the rubber that he's putting on and another hand on your wife's hip within five minutes of the first nakedness breaking out. Swingers are not big on foreplay or slow seductions. They will just assume that they're entitled to fuck her unless you tell them not to and they will want to do it with your wife immediately because she's the new girl. So no chance to 'take it slowly' and 'go at the pace of the slowest person' because nobody ever thinks about the possiblity that the slowest person is one of the men. You can always say 'wait, please slow down, I'm not ready for that yet' if you want but the simple reality of it is that you can't constantly go around telling people 'no stay off of my wife' if you really do want to get into the party.