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Interesting. I would not have a problem playing the first time at all, if I'm more interested in the male of the couple than the men of the other couples with the friendly females - again, the key is the man (assuming my husband is equally interested in the woman). If I'm not more interested in the man, however, then the friendlier couple becomes more appealing. Swinging is a social activity as well as sexual one, and the friendlier couple would represent a more promising social interaction. The connection with the other woman would become significant for me when a couple seeks repeat play. I may enjoy the first experience without it, but there won't be much beyond a second if I find nothing in common with the woman. Perhaps, if you are the social initiator, and your wife is frustrated by the outcomes you've experienced, she should be challenged to initiate the interactions herself. I don't say it lightly. I know it can be difficult. But, she would suddenly be put in a position in which she would have to at least somewhat, charm the other woman. The exercise would boost her awareness of the other woman, and this may be all she needs to find the common ground needed to build a successful interaction on. I hate to say it, but she may just need to practice, practice, practice.