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As for swinging with otherwise vanilla friends, what they all said above. Yes, it can work out, but it can also end badly. We knew nothing at all about the lifestyle when we had our first MFM, and the internet wasn't around then - I hadn't heard of it yet anyway. Lin knew a guy from work that she had flirted with heavily, and when we finally decided to go for it, he was the one she chose. They didn't work together - he worked in a different office - but they saw each other several times a day, and there was a lot of sexy banter back and forth between them. She has always been a flirt, so this was easy for her. I met him, and she flirted with him pretty heavily with me there to let him know that I knew about everything, and was fine with it. One day she raised the bar to the top notch and told him that she wanted to experience an MFM threesome, and that he was the guy she wanted to help us make it happen. By this time the guy had sensed that she wasn't all talk and no action, but was hesitant to try anything. Well, he jumped at the chance. The following weekend, he came over, and the rest, as they say, is history. Knowing now what we didn't know then, it probably wasn't the best way to go about meeting a first candidate for an MFM threesome, but at the time we didn't know any better. I would now advise people asking about such a circumstance to avoid it. It did work out for us, but it could have just as easily gone badly. You basically have five options when it comes to meeting men already in the lifestyle for a threesome: online, swinger's clubs, swinger's resorts, house parties, and lifestyle events. Don't be too quick to say no to any of them. We have met some very decent guys at clubs, parties, and events, as well as online (we haven't been to a resort yet.) Sure, you have to wade through some posers, flakes, fakes, and married men looking for a little on the side, but nothing worth having is ever simple. I do think she should become more involved in selecting candidates for this first adventure - after all, she's the one who is going to decide whether or not anything goes beyond a handshake or not. And it's all about her pleasure, right? If it were us starting out fresh, I'd suggest that we create an online profile at one of the swinger's sites, browse around, and see who is out there in our area. I'd suggest that we look at the gentlemen carefully, make a note on the profiles of the ones she was interested in possibly contacting, then discuss things further with her. When she had decided on a couple of gentlemen she wanted to contact, I would write the initial e-mail suggesting to the gentleman that we meet over coffee in a neutral place to get to know one another a bit, then let her read and approve it. When we had both agreed to it, I'd send it. We would let him know that our meeting IN NO WAY meant that we were going to play on the first meeting day. After the meeting, we'd discuss it on the way home (and a lot further for a couple of days,) and if everything was ok to everyone, we could move on to schedule a play date. That play date would take place in a hotel, and NOT our home or his. Please understand that everything I just described is with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. We've made our share of mistakes along the way - nothing major, mind you. We've gotten mixed signals from friends and acquaintances, and have probably missed out on a lot of good times because we tend to err on the side of caution by not pursuing things. We also have avoided a lot of drama and lost friendships, so I think it all balances out in the wash.

Definitely not a friend. You saw already how awkward it made them feel. We pick single males based on their knowledge of the lifestyle and how respectful they are of our relationship. There are many men available who are likable and understand what you're looking for. If you feel the need to form a friendship beforehand, then do so. It's really quite simple. Look through the ads on whatever site you belong to and pick a few to meet in person before you involve your wife. Do find out what type of man she's interested in. You may be surprised that her fantasy man is nothing like you imagined. You'll be able to get a feel for whether you're comfortable introducing them. If they won't meet with you first, then that throws the respect out the window. Good luck!