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My husband and I are, by rule, just plain swingers. We enjoy meeting new people, going to the club, and having fun:) I preface my post with this because we have friends on this board, and although they may learn something new about us, I do not wish them to think we are different than what we show or that we have any agenda to seek something in addition to what we already have. In fact, I'm posting because the situation that has developed with one couple is something that we did not seek, and I find myself at somewhat of a loss as to how to handle some of the challenges that I've personally faced in the situation. Well over a year ago now, we met a couple at the club we attend. We'd seen their profile. They looked interesting:) We didn't get to know them the first night, but there was something about them, even in that night, that made us wish to get to know them better. It's funny how a touch on the arm and a look in the eye or the tone of a chuckle can speak volumes. Anyway, we did manage to get together with this couple a few times over the course of the following, oh, I don't know, 3-5 months. And oddly, I can't say the experiences were easy if success is measured by the ease of sexual contact or conversational flow. Nevertheless, the interactions were sincere, and we realized these two were, very simply, extraordinarily likeable and down to earth. More months passed. The male half of the other couple and I would occasionally IM one another. We learned more about them and their somewhat different approach to the lifestyle. We recognized there were differences between us but knew, when our upcoming vacation was getting closer, that this was a couple we could probably really enjoy "just hanging with," so we invited them to join us. And they came for a week - us and them - their kids and ours. And although the physical set up of the vacation spot could have allowed for a sex fest, we, for the most part, just hung out, played video games, and enjoyed the local attractions. The only extraordinary thing that happened during that week, for me at least, was that we were fully ourselves with this couple. I think in basic swinging, we tend to bring our "A game" to the club or to the evening out. In the course of a week though, personality and foibles become apparent, and the cool thing was, they still wanted to see us, like we wanted to see them. I know this is getting long, so I'll try to shorten it... Over the course of the following 2-3 months, we thought one or both of them might disappear for a time due to potential job obligations. This struck us acutely. I can't even explain why. And a concerted effort was made by all of us to spend more time together, even when it meant traveling to their home 3 hours away. And during those efforts, our relationship with them as individuals and as couples grew extraordinarily strong. Now, skipping forward to the present, it seems that job obligations may not require our friends' long-term absence, and we find ourselves with a couple we love. I can't tell you how I loathed coming to that conclusion. My husband did it so much more easily. He is more of a risk taker, while I am a self-protector. And the challenges I am now facing are the ones that test my personal defenses. I now fear losing them. Neither one of us, as couples, is exclusive with the other, and I don't wish it. I do wish, however, that the insecurity that niggles when I know they have a new or old playmate/s (they tend to play more with singles than couples) would just go away. I wonder if they will take up all our friends' time and energy. I can so easily see, for myself, that no one can replace this couple, either one of them, and I even believe, without question, that for my female counterpart we are truly unique, and yet I find myself wondering, especially when I know the male half of the other couple is working on the next sexual conquest (he loves the game), am I really nothing more than an early stop in the development of his sexual prowess with others. With our normal swinger friends that thought simply never occurs to me. When I see the normal male counterpart in that mode, I think, "go for it, baby!" And yet, with this one, I can get a lump in my throat, even as I write. It did not help matters when, during a vanilla party with them and their friends, he showed an extraordinary insensitivity by overtly flirting all night with a vanilla single female friend of theirs (read next sexual conquest here), even though I was the one who would end up in bed with him. It is a truly odd situation when many of their vanilla friends know that they swing, and one will openly tease him and advertise her power, while my husband and I will, out of respect, hide our shared sexuality. This sort of situation was one that has been added to a list of those that we will intentionally avoid with the couple. Ack! I hate it though, feeling vulnerable. I really do. And I've read the other poly postings here. I've read "Green-eyed over the secondary." I recognize that jealousy in any form is an indicator of fear of loss. And I accept that. What I'm clueless about is how to move beyond it. The thoughts of other poly people are welcome. Really, any thoughts are welcome, so long as they aren't of the "You're such a dumbass" variety. The love words have already been exchanged. In some sense, the damage has already been done. For those of you who may be thinking, "dumbass," please know that I've already kicked myself. I did the very first time it hurt.

I responded to the men...Jeans and a button down polo...think that was the choice. I think personally it's much sexier. Unless its a "formal" event I much rather see a guy in a good pair of fitted jeans! Actually, that was one of the deciding factors on where to go NYE for us. Hubby is a better dresser as far as formal...He is as comfortable in a suit as he is in jeans but personally I am not. Now, I will wear the little slinky dresses however "after 5 formal required" isn't something I could be totally comfortable in. Probably could for a couple hours but not for an extended night out. Melody