Leaderboard

Mr. Ivory here. Speaking for myself, I'm really not worried about whether Mrs. Ivory sees me as a "manly man." First off, gender is a very fluid thing. The American sense of what is "manly" differs greatly from the French sense, the Japanese sense, etc. So I'm not even sure what being a "manly" man means. Second, I don't think being masculine and wanting to play with other men are mutually exclusive. So many heterosexual men are afraid of being thought "gay" if they have any sexual interest in men, even if that interest is purely a curiosity about doing something different sexually (i.e. it's not that you want to be with a man; it's that you want to try something new, something that you can only do with a man). This is rooted in our deep cultural homophobia and misogyny: the worst thing a man can be is a woman, but the closest thing to that is to be gay. There is nothing inconsistent about identifying as straight and wanting to play with a man. Why do you think so much "transsexual" porn exists? The market for those movies is *straight* men. We all have sexual curiosity about the unknown. It's a big reason a lot of us are involved in swinging in the first place. It's only natural that some of that curiosity might be directed at members of the same sex. Third, it seems to me that women want to see two men together for the same reasons men want to see two women together. Many straight women like to see men naked and engaged in sex. Seeing two men thus engaged is even hotter. How could it not be? In addition, I think many women like to know that their spouses are *not* tied into the trappings of hyper-masculinity, that they're not homophobes, etc. I think you should tell your wife that you've played with another man. If nothing else, not telling her violates the central tenet of open relationships: honesty. You do not have open lines of communication with your spouse if you fear her reaction to your sharing this (obviously) very important detail with her. You're straight. Having played with another man once doesn't change that. Having kept this from your spouse, however, is a bit worrisome.

NOT GOOD ! .... But I think you know that now. I think you need to evaluate your drinking. Does it happen often ? It sounds like for you, your a high risk drinker. Meaning, you could make bad choices. That doesn't make you a bad person. Just saying, you made some bad choices. I mean from the sounds of this, you weren't all in a rag doll state. You obviously were mobile enough to play back somewhat. Ya know, being a little buzzed and then getting in a hot tub multiplies the effects of alcohol. Your not the first to have something like this happen. I doubt you'll be the last. I think from now on you have a pretty good reason to... Make good choices.... Its all up to you I'm not preaching to you from the halls of AA, as we do drink. I like a beer with my buds after work. I like a good bourbon when I get home from a stressed day at work. I follow a 0-1-2-3 rule according to the risk I'm at. And I am pretty strict on myself about it. No one els, just me ! Its personal.... 0-1 drinks while swinging is my preference, my choice. I like to understand how I feel about the sex. Sex is one of the most important things in my life. I like to understand my surroundings and how others feel. I don't want to miss out on any of it. But thats just me I suppose.... When we started many years ago, it was one of the things I didn't like about how things went...Back in "the day" Yep, we were drunk. When we started again many years later, I explained how I felt to Mrsfun. I didn't want to drink when we played. I wanted to be sure how I felt, let alone how others felt. The peer pressure bothered me because I do drink. To me, I didn't want to look like the person who couldn't party without the drink, I wanted to feel like part of the crowd. Ya know what, the first couple we played with in our new beginning didn't drink. Neither did we. It sure made it easier to sort things out..... I like that ! Second time, I had a few drinks at the club. Things seemed easier, but for me personally.... Something was still missing. Third time was disaster, we don't need to even go there There will be more chances at do overs. If, its your choice to do so, now. From that point on, I have never drank and played. The thing is, I like it.... It works for me. On the other hand Mrs fun is able to relax, enjoy a drink or two, and party down. I have personally never seen her have more than 3 drinks.... At least, not in a swinging situation . Its not like I have to worry about it... Something else, for what its worth, I have never once heard a comment about me not drinking in a party situation. Go figure, Im not so out of place after all.... See what I mean, that sounds blurry as hell... Even to me.... Were you like.... plugging him in to her ? I'm just saying, did you like that ? Sorry, I like details.... See what I mean That sounds sooooo wrong, I wont even go into hubby sounding like an enabler.... But still. I think you should realize something. It as much important about how you feel, as it is about how hubby feels. Neither Mrsfun or I, feel the same emotions when we have sex with others. We just never do. I know how I feel, and she knows how she feels. Those are the things we talk about and try to understand each other through listening. Then we become US, together. Well forward is a good direction. Its about you, if this is how you feel. Do you want to get more out of this next time ? Do you need time to think ? Its OK if you do ya know. I would, but thats just me. You don't owe any explanation. But, if they contact you for now, I would just leave it as how it is. You need some time to think now, let things settle and understand how you feel. Thats cool... If anyone doesn't understand that, too bad for them... Apologies for what ? Unless you pissed in the hot tub, broke furniture, or puked on someone. You don't owe an apoligy.... The only apology you owe, is really to yourself. Think about that, it might cause a change... I think you should hold your head high, smile, don't give them a clue that you feel as awful as you do. Show confidence, and move forward. You can't change anything that happened now. You can change what happens the next time though. Try it sober once.... Do that for you.... Try it for me.

Lusty, We are in a similar situation, though it has not progressed as far down the attachment road as your relationship has because we have not allowed it to go that far. The reason for this is that we knew that in the relatively near future we would be parting ways and they would be moving West, and we will be moving South. Though it could have very easily gotten out of control. Something that would have been wonderful, but would have made the parting more difficult than it will be. The other thing that is hanging out there in the back of your mind is that a PCS is coming down the road. Either the other couple could be transferred, or if you are also a military family, you could be transferred. And that day is looming out there somewhere. One of the things that I love about my military service is the close connection that I have with those that I have served with. We can be thousands of miles apart for years and when we meet we will pick up like we had just had a long weekend. Love is always a good thing, and parting is always sweet sorrow. But there may never be another tomorrow for any one of us. Do not waste the day, love to the fullest.

My first problem with the original question posed is how to define "success" with swinging. For us, it's not how many people we hook up with, or how often we go out. It's how much fun we (and our partners) have when we do hook up or go out. But, going along with the swinging success=lots of partners/play . . . I would have to agree there seems to be something of a stigma attached to those who do "party" a lot, or are perceived to do so. I can't say if anyone's rejected us because of how much "action" we get or don't. And I really don't give a rat's a$$. If someone's not interested in us for whatever reason, it's their choice. That's not something we particularly think about when we're deciding whether or not to play with someone. =)