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Showing content with the highest reputation on 01/10/2009 in all areas
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2 pointsBe warned: This will be a long one. Okay... as someone who's young AND a parent, let me just say that the idea of parents introducing their young daughters to another couple for sexual initiation is ridiculous & antiquated. It also assumes that the girls (I'm thinking the OP meant the 16-18yr old range?) are "innocent", or "pure", or "virginal". Let me be the first to tell you that this is FAR from the case of young people today. They are having 3somes, 4somes, moresomes, and swinging as well (though they don't fully know or understand the names for these things). They are having straight sex, bi-sex, gay sex... in the bathrooms and stairwells at their high schools, or at the mall. They're also doing it in their parents' homes or at their friends' homes. They are drinking & doing many other expirimental drugs that I never even knew existed when I was in high school. This is the modern-day reality of what goes on with teenagers here in the U.S. As someone who used to volunteer for Planned Parenthood and still works with teenagers on a daily basis, I can't even begin to tell you how many 14-19 year olds, mostly girls, were being seen & treated for STD's. It was eye opening, and scary, and it amazes me still how many parents DO teach their kids to "save it until marriage" while never realizing what's going on when their little Lisa goes to Maria's house for a sleepover. More often than not, sex is definitely involved. Heck, our high school's pageant queen was notorious for advocating maintaining vaginal virginity by having anal sex instead. She was quite serious about it... and always gave speeches about "saving it 'til marriage". Now, with that said.... I want you to know that I will fight fiercely to teach my girls that the world is a wonderfully beautiful yet frightening & scary place. I want to answer all of their questions to the best of my ability however keeping the explanations age-appropriate. Age-appropriate means no dirty details unless/until they're old enough to both ask for AND understand them. I hope that I will be able to appropriately judge this because for all intents & purposes, I plan on being fully involved in their lives. I think that only someone who isn't a parent could ever think that something like what the OP is suggesting would be okay. I myself have stated recently that I'd have problems deflowering a 19 year old male and sending him back to his parents' house afterward... and I'm only 27!!! Things like that are just generally considered as morally wrong in our society & culture. Perhaps in some minor culture in a foreign land one could find people who find this sort of thing as an acceptable practice. But I honestly doubt it. Remember the couple who were arrested for having sex in front of their daughter to "educate" her? Or the big stink about that religious sect in TX with all those young moms & pregnant teenaged girls? Even in countries with cultures where they still practice arranged marriages, I don't imagine they are sending their daughters to be sexually trained (in fact, some of them routinely practice female circumcision so that their daughters aren't sexualized at all!). I can understand how the fantasy of something like this could be appealing... particularly to an older, childless male. But the reality of it? It could potentially scar the young girl forever. We parents tread a really fine line because everything we say or do has the potential to either help or harm our children. Being open & honest is far better than being restricting liars. But almost all parents try their best to bring their kids up right, to the best of their ability. I only hope that my kids turn out as well as some of the other posters have said theirs have... I want what's best for them, sure... but I also want them to find out what's best for them on their own & in their own way.
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2 pointsNot at all, Kelli - nobody's denying anything about our kids' wants or what they're doing. Actually, it's completely the opposite - we're not forcing our views on them. We may find swinging to be the absolute best thing in the world for our relationship - but are we justified in pushing our children to not only agree with us, but to participate with us as well? You've obviously been exposed to the lifestyle from a young age - ok, that's fine. Now let's turn the tables a bit - what if your parents were strict Catholic? Would you feel the same way about swinging? What if they were Mormon? What if they were total slobs and just didn't give a damned? What 99.9% of us are advocating is just leaving our kids alone and letting them be kids. When they get to the age where they're asking questions, we answer them to the best of our ability. We teach them as we go, and we all learn in the process. What I refuse to do is try to push my sexuality (or my spirituality) upon my kids. You like swinging - you know 50 people who think it's abhorrent. It's my job as a parent to educate my kids - it's not my job to indoctrinate them - whether that be introducing them to the lifestyle or sending them off to military school. In the same way I refuse to inflict my spirituality upon you, I refuse to inflict my sexuality on my children - no matter how old they are. I don't see that as a form of repression. Repression means to me a denial of their basic human right to be human - sexual beings or otherwise. I never repressed my kids - I gave them the facts, we talked about it, and they were free to make up their own minds from there on. Now, I really don't know whether or not my kids swing - I don't really care. I am, however, safe in the knowledge that if they do, they came to that conclusion on their own - without pressure in one way or another, from me. If they swing, they did so of their own free will, and I didn't influence them in any way. Freedom of choice - isn't that what it's all about?
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1 pointAbsolutely!!! I think that understanding is the reason that I and other posters responded so badly to The Next 65's original post. We know that 16-18 year old are, if not actively engaged in sex, then well aware of it. So we assumed he was talking about girls young enough to really be innocent, virginal and unaware (like another poster, I immediately thought of a 12 year old). And 12 is too young to be having sex. I don't think 12 year olds are mature enough to handle sex, although they should have correct basic information (I don't think 12 year olds should drink or have full time jobs, but they should also understand what these things are. Information and practice are very different). And even if there is a 12 year old mature enough to handle it, I don't think it would hurt her (or him, since I don't think 12 year old boys should be having sex either) to wait a few years! So to review. Most posters on this thread have felt that children who are too young to explore sex on their own shouldn't be introduced to sex by mommy and daddy's swinging friends. Most people understand that teenagers need factually correct information and at least one adult who will answer questions truthfully. Most believe that swinging is something based in a loving, committed adult relationship that has already stood the test of time (otherwise, I believe we just call it 'dating' or 'casual sex' both of which teens already do). So teenagers can get solid information and advice from their parents, and this will allow them to experiment safely (I'm still boggled by the original post's presentation of young sexuality, which would require a whole 'nother post to correct). Some may become swingers. Some may become poly. Some may be gay or transgendered, or submissive, or foot fetishists, or *gasp* vanilla! What matters is that whatever they are drawn to, they feel they can turn to their parents for advice and support. NOT DEMONSTRATIONS! Okay, really really last time I post on this thread.
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1 pointI doubt it would bother us in the least bit. While in the Navy I used the services of the "ladies of the evening" while I was overseas. Never did use one stateside. Many of the women that I knew (not all of them in the biblical sense) overseas got into the business to escape extreme poverty and even a few married some sailors and lived happily ever after. I can't speak from any first hand knowledge that American women who are strippers or prostitutes have "issues" but I do know many American woman who aren't strippers, web girls or prostitutes who have plenty of "issues". The only issue that I might take issue with is if the woman was hired by the john to be a "ticket" to a swinging event and they are stating under false pretenses to be something else.
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1 pointI believe we should educate our children in age appropriate and responsible ways. I would never, ever, ever try to have my child sexually educated, in a physical sense, by anyone! I agree that that is a form of child abuse as well as sexual abuse. My hope is that when my children have reached the point of wanting to be sexually active, they will know enough to make informed decisions - period, end of story. To provoke sexual development unnecessarily is anathema to me. There is such a thing as overexposure, and it's our job as parents to protect, as well as educate.
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0 pointsJeez... We just play it by ear. Whatever happens, happens. We don't try to script-it-out beforehand, like "okay honey, here's how we are going to do it... he'll do you, then I'll do you, then we'll both do you, then he'll finish, then I'll finish, then we'll kick him out of the hotel room and do it again ourselves." That takes the fun out of it. We just go with the flow and make the best of every situation, because they're all different and that is what makes this lifestyle so much fun... variety. Mr. WS