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It is possible you are just having a run of bad luck as it seems to go in spurts with us. We will have a bunch of experiences where no one has any problems and then have a couple in a row where things are mediocre at best. On the other hand, if this trend continues, you may want to change your approach. We have experienced and have seen others experience performance problems a lot over the years, and contrary to what some would like to believe, in most cases, the woman just isn't doing it for the guy. We have encountered, what we refer to as the dead fish syndrome a lot in swinging. That is where the woman whips off her clothes and expects the guy to spring to attention without any further effort on her part. Or when the guy doesn't immediately respond with an erection to what she is doing, the woman will take it personally and quit instead of changing her approach to help alleviate the problem. I'll have to admit that once I passed about the age of 40 or so, if a woman requires me to use a condom she had better be, talented, enthusiastic, take direction well, and be patient if she expects me to get it up. This is especially true amongst experienced swingers. The fact is, one of the down sides to being an active swinger is that you actually get used to seeing naked women regularly. The result of which is that a lot of times just seeing a woman naked isn't enough to result in an erection. So, while you may just be having an unlucky string of encounters, if the problem persists don't get discouraged, instead look to yourselves for what you can do to make the guys be more comfortable and get more aroused by your approach.

I don't think they are rare, in swinging or in vanilla life. It's probably more a case of those that have very set black-and-white views tend to be much more vocal about their beliefs when they encounter someone or something that crosses their very concisely defined boundaries. It's more a defense against perceived attack on their world as they'd like to see it. Almost a religion. People who tend to be willing to move their boundaries are more likely to not react or react in a less vocal way, so they are less noticeable. Notice for instance, how many males who pronounce themselves non-homophobic, will drop into the bi forum and post in a thread that may be about male-male interaction, simply to 'beat their chest' and post 'no way, Jose', just to be heard.

My take? The "average" woman is more physically attractive than the "average" man, to men and women, st8 or bi. Mrs. knb looks fantastic wearing a thong or other lingerie, were I to try that, while I wouldn't necessarily cause people to want to gouge their own eyes out, neither is it nearly as easy on the eyes. Course I have a tendency to run around completely naked, where appropriate of course. Well, those posts are not made by swingers. They're made by swinger wanna-be's who do tend to be male more than female. Why is that? My opinion is that it's got more to do with classic vanilla thinking than swinger. Most of us, even those who choose the Lifestyle, were taught that sex was a sacred, yet at the same time awful thing that was to be done within the confines of a bonafide marriage ONLY!!! We teach women that if they like sex tooooo much they're sluts, or whores. Many, perhaps most, are taught that masturbation, oral sex, or anything that doesn't involve a genuine attempt to procreate is bad, wrong, gross, sinful, or all of the above. This message is given to women so much more so than men which is why, IMO, the "average" woman becomes more sexually repressed than the "average" man and explains the disparity. If a man wants to have multiple partners, well that's just boys being boys, the minute a woman is even OPEN to the idea, much less enthusiastic about it they are the worst kind of slut there is. I think the idea that women are inherently, genetically, biologically less interested in sex is hogwash, rather I think we train them to be that way. I also think to some degree that explains the disparity of why single female swingers are desired, and single men are not, but is not the full story. I think many single-males who self identify as being a swinger are really not. They're simply out to get laid, pretty much do not care by whom, and figure hanging out with swingers is an easy way to make that happen. Many, but not all of those types are too jealous and possessive to be a true swinger, and if and when they get into a relationship, at best will be totally monogamous, at worst will expect monogamy from their SO but will continue to have their own flings. So, you combine the learned sexual repression that many women are afflicted with with single guys just looking for a piece of ass and the result is imbalance. Personally, we are not interested in going to an event or club where it's 80% men.