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I personally like to look at things from each persons point of view. you know what you are thinking and feeling. So it is not too difficult to understand the core reasons for the why, where and what of the matter. Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself the very same questions. Put yourself (if at all possible) in the Ex's shoes. Do the same. Put yourself in Speeds shoes also. After you have done this to some degree of satisfaction, look at the reactions you would have to this situation if you were in each person's shoes. Ask yourself this one question: Am I reacting out or emotion of reason? Try to see both points in your thought process. By the end of this exercize, you should have a base understanding of what everyone is thinking and feeling. Aslo, by this time, you should have the strong feeling of wanting to RUN for the hills! Or, you may understand perfectly well how this situation should and will play out. I do this with my customers ona daily basis. It is not fool proof. but it helps me understand them a little better .

The only thing swinging should have is mutual respect for others, and the courtesy that each person's or couple's interest in swinging is different. Some want friendship first, and don't play on first dates. Some want no part of friendship, and have no qualms about playing on first dates. Some want to play with a "regular" set of singles or couples. Some want to play once and move on. Some will wait a year to find someone they're willing to swing with, some will find it in their first meeting. Some play every week, some play once a year. Bottom line - we are all individuals with individual minds, wants, and desires. No one can say what swinging should or should not include, because isn't it the uniqueness of all of us that makes it the most fun? Sure, it takes time to wade through interested parties and find what you are looking for, and anyone will go through periods where they find no one, and then other periods where they find quite a few in a short period of time. But whether you are single or 1/2 of a couple, there's no race to jump into bed with the next person that comes along! Not if it's really about swinging. You know what you want or are looking for, and you wait until you find it. Then jump in and enjoy! But when you're going through a "lull", don't blame others for lack of success. After all, how do you define successful swinging? I think we would all have our own definitions. Mrs. NC

The truth is, Herpes has not been studied to the same degree as many other viruses because it is not viewed as a significant public health risk. It does not result in death. It is asymptomatic in the majority of infected humans. And, because our society has been largely monogamous, the threat of significant spread in somewhat limited. However, here is some of what is known.... The virus, when it takes hold in a human, resides in the nervous tissue at the base of the spine. When an outbreak occurs, the virus spreads along the nervous system and, in some cases, results in open sores in the genital area (not necessarily on the shaft of the penis or in the vaginal canal). The virus is believe to be passed by skin contact in the genital regions and mucous membranes of the lips and mouth (probably because the large number of nerve endings in these regions increase the number of channels for the virus to invade the body and take hold). Accordingly, condoms provide varying degrees of protection against contracting the virus. There are various theories as to why the disease can become chronic (reoccurring). I subscribe to the theory that the limited blood and lymphatic flows at the base of the spine limits the body’s immune response in that region inhibiting the body’s ability to completely eradicate the disease. All that is required is that a single virus remain active (live) within the body for there to be a risk of reoccurrence. It you have antibodies, it means that some amount of virus has at some time entered your body. Thus, you have been infected. However, it is possible to be infected to such a slight degree that the disease did not "take hold" in your system (you carry no live virus today). Also, it is possible that even if you have an outbreak, your condition will not become chronic. Or, that your body's response to an outbreak will be sufficient to keep the virus from making it all the way down the nervous system to the skin (thus, no symptomatic outbreak). Most symptomatic HSV sufferers describe a "tingling" feeling which proceeds development of a skin sore. This tingling feeling is believed to be reflective of the involvement of the nervous system in the spread of the disease to the skin. Accordingly, symptomatic sufferers who recognize this tingling can reliably predict the onset of an infective outbreak. However, the best research today suggests that a large percentage of HSV sufferers, while potentially capable of passing the disease, suffer no outward symptoms at all (or, if they had such symptoms, did not recognize them for what they were). For diagnosed Herpes sufferers, there are now drugs which inhibit the virus’ ability to reoccur. It has been my experience that Swingers like to view themselves as generally enlightened and non-judgmental. However, in the case of Herpes, this is simply not so. I know a number of couples who carry the Herpes antibody including some who still report recurring outbreaks. A few are open an honest about their infection. Others remain underground. It is easy for those on this board to express the view that swingers should be open an honest about their condition. However, Herpes carries with it a stigma in the swinger community that spreads much faster than any virus, with much more debilitating results. If one is open an honest about having the disease, in my personal experience, word of their infection quickly spreads. While everyone within a local community may not play together, almost everyone talks. In short order, everyone knows. Then, if others choose to play openly with that couple, suspicion spreads. What possible reason could someone have for playing with an infected couple unless they were infected, too. Guilt by association even if that couple has done their research and come to the conclusion that they are safer playing with someone who knows they are infected and takes all reasonable precautions over playing with someone who may be infected and does not know it. Herpes is to the swinger community as leprosy was in biblical times. So, the majority of infected couples we know do not openly discuss their condition. If they are not suffering the tingling of an outbreak and have no sores, they play just like everyone else. Moreover, it should be no shock that people do not ask to be tested for the antibodies. What use is knowing something that you don’t want to know in the first place. Better to be able to swing without knowledge of your true medical condition than to know something which you may be unwilling to deal with anyway. We have stopped playing with unknown new couples because we despise the hypocrisy of the swinger community at large. We continue to meet friends that we have previously made and who know of our condition (only I have ever had outbreaks, but my significant other is positive for the antibody, which is no surprise). We also have been introduced to others privately with whom we will agree to play. But, we no longer go to clubs, etc. But, be forewarned. The person sitting across the table from you could be an HSV sufferer. There is at least a 25% chance of that being true. The vast majority of the time, that couple will not know that they are infected (and does not want to know). As a result, they will be unable to discern whether they are at risk for spreading the disease to you. In those limited cases that you come in contact with someone who is a HSV sufferer and knows of their infection (but is not disclosing it to you), take solace in the fact that they are far more likely to know if they are infectious. By the way, when you get Herpes, you should know that the person who gave it to you probably had no idea they were infected or contagious. Don't fool yourself into believing that someone had to be a lying sneak in order for you to be infected. Happy hunting!

Oh we're honest. Most of us on this board are, anyway. Since I'm being honest, I'd like to tell you that it's not up to us to make you happy. You don't have the right to happiness. You have the right to pursue happiness. So, get your butt out there and make your own dates with those girls and have fun. We have no control over the single girls. They are their own person with their own lives. They control themselves. I started this thread out because I wanted to see who else had been shunned because of their reputation or personal experiences. If you think couples have taken over for the single men, (which I don't see as there are plenty of single men in our area who are successful because of their attitudes) prove us wrong. If you're not part of the solution (whining and griping is not a solution), you're part of the problem. You're problem is you're barking up the wrong tree. Your attitude would make me run as far and as fast as I could to get away from you.

Here's the deal, yet again: the Unicorn isn't something we couples have to give away to single guys. She's her own person - she's not yours to "have", any more than she's ours to have. If she wanted to get together with you at a club, she would. We aren't stopping her. We aren't cock-blocking you. And your whiny, entitled attitude isn't helping your cause, or the single-male reputation, out at all; it's pretty clear to me from your posts why you are being cock-blocked by couples and unicorns alike. You know, I always find it insulting when a single guy bitches about the club scene and how he can't get with couples or unicorns for whatever reason, but then pops his mouth off about he, a single guy, not wanting his SO, girlfriend or wife to get into this? It's okay for you to fuck those of us who are already there, but you wouldn't bring your own wife or girlfriend? Falls a bit too close to insulting hypocrisy for my tastes. I think if you are truly looking for success as a single male on your local scene, you need an attitude and expectation adjustment. Your posts, taken as a collective, just remind me that a good and respectful single male in the lifestyle should be called a unicorn, too, because they seem to be just as hard to find among the chaff of the single men who seriously need a clue-by-four in their expectations and swing-world view.