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As a single male of some repute, I'll say this: Barring a club/house party environment, it's always better for the woman to approach a single man. If she makes the effort to visit that restaurant on a weekly basis (for "A cup of coffee and some quiet time"), she'll be able to find out all of the information that she needs to know. Now, some extra tidbits of information, seeing as how you've mentioned that you aren't small-town swingers... All advice given past this point is with the assumption that you live in a major city (Major=a city with an airport which accommodates more than a dozen unrelated airlines) 1. If he's more attractive/charming/knowledgeable than normal, it's very likely that you won't be the first couple to have approached him for some "Not ready for primetime action". 1b. Which means that your wife, if she's relatively discreet and he's noticeably interested, can afford to be a bit plainer with her intentions. Not waving a dildo in the air and saying "Are you bigger than this, [insert server name here]?", but a quick comment about meeting the husband and herself at a local bar for a nightcap isn't going to go unnoticed. 2. Take an "eyes wide open" look at your respective levels of attractiveness. This is very important, as (it goes without saying) he's far more likely to agree to a MFM/MMF with an attractive woman. I'm not saying that he's automatically going to reject her if she isn't Cindy Crawford-level beautiful, but presentation does wonders. {The first few times that I was hit on as a single male, my "interested parties" were of the (warning: racism/sexism) "He's black, so I don't need to worry about showering/having my hair done/wearing clothes that fit, because all black guys want white pussy." variety.} 3. Take note of any sort of age gap. If he's more than 10 years younger than you, be aware that you'll probably have to do a lot of coaching in the bedroom. A lot of coaching. If he's at the "distinguished gentleman" age, it may be the opposite. Either way, whether he proves to be experienced in the ways of the threesome, don't except a sexual dynamo. 3a. For the college student/"new to the city" type, a home-cooked meal can do wonders. My re-introduction to the lifestyle involved the promise of an authentic "native" meal and the first samples of their home-brewed beer. As it turned out, they didn't even need to get me drunk (which was their first plan). As I drank my second beer, the husband went downstairs "to bring up some of the WinterCorn variety" and the wife sat down beside me and started rubbing my hand and asking me if enjoyed the dinner. By the time he came upstairs, she was on my lap and I was enjoying the first real date/makeout session that I'd had in 7 years. So, long story short, be relatively discreet, be friendly enough to avoid ambiguity and (if he's taken the bait) meet him someplace thoroughly non work-related before laying the cards out on the table.

First off, I want to say how glad I am that you guys have been sharing your journey here. I think many of us who have been in this for a long time can forget just how hard those initial steps can be for many. So please don't think you are abnormal for having these fears or worries... you are perfectly normal and your journey shared here will help many more know that they are normal down the road. To answer your questions, there are many straight/straight couples that swing quite happily. Yes, you may have to turn down some women... but come on you were going to be doing that anyway (unless Mr WarrenCouple is willing to screw any female who approaches him), as well as men. And yes some couples will give you grief and give you the "you don't know till you try it" speech.... but it's your choice. And there are bi women (who if you allow it) will happily play with you without any need for female/female contact. As for the pegging thing (I'm in the group that was unfamiliar with that term), once you cleared up what it was, I can understand where some miscommunication may have happened that might have made you feel the way you felt. As TnT said, it does seem that anything to do with male bisexuality is shunned within the lifestyle (and especially at the clubs), so my advice to you too would probably be unless the swing is in a room that you can use privately that's probably something you'll want to leave at home (unfortunately). Heck, I'd love to watch it, and I'm pretty sure there are other women who would too.... Just keep communicating with each other and don't let little setbacks hurt you. Remember that the most important thing is your relationship and swinging is the last thing you should be fighting over. It will happen when it happens.

Well MrkLin, you're doing plenty of writing here. It may not be details of your sex play but people will know enough of what you do when you post on a swingers site and have a link to pictures on your Swing Lifestyle profile. You might as well add your SSN and active bank account number in your signature line here. If anyplace, the internet is the easiest way to expose yourself and you've done just that. Your Swing Lifestyle profile has plenty of public pictures that any relative, neighbor, co-worker or friend could identify you and your wife by. The fuzzy face thing doesn't keep you anonymous from those who already know you. So I'll turn your question back to you, You might not care what others think of you, but try to respect the others in your life. Why screw up their lives because you had to jot down some notes? You are definitely a notetaker, a journal keeper, and thousands of people who visit the Board each year have read what you've written and will continue to do so for years to come. A journal under a mattress has less significance or chance of affecting your life than your present exposure on the internet.