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She was obviously comfortable NEITHER with having sex with another man NOR him having sex with another woman. Someone with no experience in swinging should not be expected just to adjust overnight, if in fact at all! Asking "should it matter" to her seems like you are saying that it shouldn't matter to her, which is pretty ridiculous. Again, expecting someone new to just be all right with that is asking a LOT. This is a real winner. We're not talking about equivalency here. We're talking about a specific type of behaviour. It's not right for him to pressure her to have sex with someone else. It's not right for him to insist that she be fine with him having sex with someone else. Twisting it into some tit for tat argument doesn't work. That's like saying, "If it isn't right for me to pressure you to serve you dinner in a french maid outfit and then do the dishes, then it's not right for you to pressure me to have a job". It doesn't work because the specific behaviour is not okay. Putting it into abstraction is just a way of diverting attention away from that.

Are the 3 of you actual adults that have any swinging experience or are you some high school kids worrying about who is going to go with who to the prom this spring? Is this gal married and have a bunch of kids to feed? If so that's one thing, if not let her worry about her so called love life and you two take her up on it if she is wanting to crawl in between the two of you in the sack some time. I too think you are investing way too much emotional energy and investment into this. If every couple waited for a single to be "0%" entangled from any BFs/GFs, there would be no 3-somes in the world. ALL singles that are desirable enough to want into your bed are going to be involved with someone else out there to one degree or another. It's reasonable to not want to deal with someone that is in a supposedly committed relationship and you don't want some pissed off spouse or SO hunting you down and kicking your ass, but to wait for some gal who's on the outs with her BF to be 100% over him untill you can have a FMF with her is crazy. If she has formally broke up with her BF she is fair game and the longer you wait the less she will be motivated to play with you and with each passing day the chances of her finding another BF or of her and him getting back together increase. You two are not marrying this chick. Her emotional tormoil and her relationship follys are not your concern. If she is a consenting adult over the age of 18, isn't married or otherwise committed and the 3 of you have a mutual attraction and all are consenting, that is all you need to get naked. I hate to break it to you but I bet 90+% of the FMFs that take place out there occur when some gal is in the process of dumping some BF or husband.

You are thinking like a girl, not like a swinger. You are acting like this Katy person is a potential girlfriend that you are wanting to date and you are afraid she is going to get back with her ex. Are you wanting this to be some kind of poly relationship or some kind of pleural wife type arraingement? If you are wanting this to be some kind of ongoing three-way relationship thing you are going to have a lot more issues to contend with than if she is truly breaking up with some dude or not. I'm not sure you can make her understand because she may be on a completely different plain of reality than you are. To me you are sounding like you want this to be some kind of serious ongoing relationship between the three of you. To her maybe all she wants is a romp in the hay now and then where she can get some cock and some pussy at the same time. She may be dumping this guy and just wants a back up orgasm plan and an excuse to get out of the house during a potential dry spell untill she gets another boyfriend. Listen I'm not trying to rain on your parage here but lets get down to earth for a little reality check here. most females want their own mate and their own primary relationship. They may enjoy a nice FMF now and then and some may even like a fairly close friendship with a couple at times but you are sounding to me like you are wanting this chick for way more than just an occasional 3-some. Nothing wrong with that but if Speed and Katy aren't on the same page with this it just ain't gonna happen. Maybe the reason they were so quick to make out and not have any issues over it afterwards is they are just seeing it as a little extra recreational fun and aren't taking it as seriously as you are. My advice is to chill out a bit and catch your breath and explore your own feelings first. then you need to see if Speed are Katy are on the same wavelength as you or if they are just looking at this as a little extra naked fun when the opportunity presents itself.

FUSE, So who made you the righteous judge of all? I don't care if you disagree with me. I wasn't responding to you or anything you had to say. I was providing the OP (NOT YOU) with what I felt was my opinion, some clarity and some food for thought. The OP can take what I said and disagree with it outright or consider it. It may work for them, it may not. It is nothing more than reading material. I was not belligerent or distasteful in my response. I was not condemning or patronizing or making a personal attack. But whether what I had to say to the OP works for you or not, whether you would consider what I had to say to the OP or not is of no importance to anyone but yourself. Neither I, nor anyone else who posts here is here to be judged by you and publicly criticized by you for posting something they feel can be helpful unless they specifically ask for your feedback or post derogatory remarks. In which case you should report the post to a moderator. Until that time, you are not entitled. *I apologize to the OP for this conduct and topic diversion.