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This forum is a tremendous resource. My wife and I gained sooo much from this forum when we were first starting out in swinging. It made it all so much easier. The group of people here tend to be great, and better than most other online resources I've been involved in (on other topics). I'll also add that the level of involvement by women on this forum is, I think, considerably higher than your average forum. Major plus. Erm. More like never. Why? Consider this; given that there's a significant subset of the population involved in swinging, chances are you've met several swingers in the past, and maybe even a friend or two of yours are swingers right now. And guess what? I'll wager you haven't a clue they are swingers. Further, they don't have a clue you'd be interested. Even further, playing with non-swingers is such a non-starter for most swingers that they won't approach non-swingers. Not to say it doesn't happen, but it's rare. So, the chances of something happening organically is very, very low. My wife is not a driver in our lifestyle adventures. She never has been, and probably never will be. We're very comfortable with that. She thoroughly enjoys swinging, and likes the adventures we go on, but she's never the one to set everything up. That's fine with us. It's fine with us because we're always in communication about what I'm doing vis-a-vis setting things up. She's always in the loop. Further, I open doors of opportunity for her. I don't push her through. I make suggestions, but not tit-for-tat compromises or any other silly architecture. I ask her opinion, rather than first presenting what I feel/think and see if she agrees. I'm very, very oriented towards her happiness and this works really well for us. I'd suggest you check out swing clubs in either the Montreal or Toronto metro areas. Both places have several options, as I recall. Plus, swing clubs are now legal across your country. There should be plenty of possible avenues of exploration. Swing clubs are not sex free-for-alls where you're expected to walk in, get naked, and start fucking. They're in many ways just like any other night club. There's usually dancing, mood/stage lighting, music, drinking, lots of people chatting and getting acquainted etc. In many clubs, the sex play doesn't even happen in this area of the club...it's off in the play areas of the club, away from the dance floor etc. Your girlfriend would never be under pressure to do anything and if she was the person giving the pressure needs to be removed from the club (depending on how severe things get). Going to a swing club is a good way to dip your foot in the pool, to see how you like it. It's a nice environment; everyone is there for the same reason (more or less). Some clubs allow single males on certain nights, some clubs don't allow single males at all. Do some research up front and find a club that works for you. And keep asking us any questions you have! We're happy to help!

I don’t have the numbers or the research totals handy, but I can pretty much bet the main % of individuals who are cheating are NOT in sexless marriages. Yes, I will agree that there are three sides to every story. However, it is my firm belief (ignorant, possibly) that these individuals have not exhausted all avenues to rectify their situations. I actually speak from personal experience regarding the sexless (Virtually) marriage. My ex used sex as a tool to obtain her desires. She would lord it over me as a way of getting things she wanted or to force me to do things I did not care to do. (Nothing kinky here! Get your minds out of the gutter!!) What were my options? Well, we all know the end actually. I left home, hearth and my only child, not to find sex, but to live! A person who would withhold sex has several issues. Perhaps they felt insecure. Maybe they had such a low self image, they could not see themselves as worthy of the act. I could have been such a terrible lover that she could not stand being with me. The reasons can only be discovered through communication. No one can discover the REAL reason for holding back sex without COMMUNICATION! Do these individuals exhaust every possible avenue to resolve the matter? I can honestly say, I do not believe so. 4 hours of begging for sex and demanding to know why is not communication. the options left to the dissatisfied individual are there. Leave, cheat, stay and be unsatisfied or COMMUNICATE correctly to resolve the matter. I had no other option but to leave. Yes, it broke my heart to do so. However, the other options were not available to me as I could not bring shame to my house by cheating. I could not stay in the marriage knowing that I would be a puppet upon her marionette’s strings. She refused to communicate with me in open dialogue with or without a mediator. Cheating is a selfish act. Had I fallen into that activity, how could I expect to have the respect of anyone? I would be a liar. I would be false in my purpose. i would fall victim to lesser, more base desires. All of which would cloud my very judgment and self esteem. Leaving as I did, I was able to keep my head high and today, both my Daughter and my Ex respect me. Mrs. CXXC finds my resolve and commitment to OUR relationship strengthened by my past. Had I wavered or fell in my resolve, I do not believe I would be who I am nor have what I have today!

I wouldn't say "under our wing", but we have certainly talked to newbies about how we got started, things we learned along the way, etc. We've also answered questions people have asked us. We try to have a light touch when talking to newbies, because coming off like an advisor or teacher is not sexy. As far as whether it's better for newbies to first connect with other newbies or with more experienced people, that's a matter of personal taste. Some newbies are afraid of the more experienced, thinking they will go too fast, apply too much pressure, or generally be callous. Some newbies end up connecting with other newbies, and if there are "newbie issues" on both sides, then the effect is compounded. Some newbies actually seek out a more experienced couple for their first encounter. Personally this is the way we went, though it wasn't really done on purpose, and we were happy about it. Our first partners were completely stable, had been around, and dealt with our nervousness and hesitancy. In short, they were considerate.