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I'd say the place isn't much of a matter for as long as you two are in the same page. Once there, just be honest and up front about what you're looking for, and ask the same from the people around you. If they're not, if they're pushy, or if your guts tells any of you something isn't right, just tell them politelly "well guys, no thanks, we don't feel confortable" and look for someone else. One usefull thing is to agree beforehand a sign between you and your wife, to let each other know when one of you feels something odd (either from the other people, or from feeling some of you lost the page). Once one of you does the sign, then both of you should act as if you two were just one person to call off the situation. It's exremelly important for you two to understand you two have to act monolitically. Any misunderstanding you may face about what's going on, any doubt you may have about what the hell the other one is doing, must be clarified PRIVATELLY, without third ones around you, and even less if they was involved in the situation. It is Ok to ask the other people for a break, gat away from them and discuss something privatelly between you two, just to go back there and go on with your original business, without having to provide any explanation. The golden rule among swingers is "no means no", this mean people have to take a rejection well, and they shouldn't ask "why?" because that would mean they're not taking the rejection but looking for a way to overcome it. So, reject people politely is something valid and expected among lifestylers, try to overcome a rejection, to convince, to argue, to push, is the unwanted behavior. Don't let yourself be missleaded by these people should you meet them. When you go to a swinger's place, when you meet other swingers, you're not in a casual vanilla meeting, many social rules regarding the expected behavior doesn't apply anymore, because it is supposed that shit happens and the couples have the right to take preventive or corrective measures about it, and that isn't anyone else's business. If someone else have a problem that prevent you from taking these measures, if someone else have a problem with this not being his/her business, then he/she is the one missbehaving. So, you're not supposed to remain sitting in a table to take some bulshit you didn't asked for in the first place. It is supposed you TWO will call it off or ask for a break to discuss what's going on privatelly. And if you don't call it off nor ask for a break, then you'd be implicitly telling the other guys that you two are up to this bullshit, whatever it were. People around you expects you to protect your own interests, limits and tastes, to make them clear, and if you don't, no one else will look after them for you. So, if you two manage to understand this, the place to go will be a matter of personal taste and you two would be doing it ok. As for the label stuff, many of us are closet lifestylers, that want to preserve ourselves from being publicly labeled. At a club most people you'll find will have the same attitude towards swinging, and will require and valuate discretion. I wouldn't worry too much about this, because even if you were finding someone you know inside the club, well, they will be facing the same problem you face. Have good luck!