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If you have a profile on a site such as SLS, you may want to consider posting the link to it under the "Finding People on Line" forum. You will see a thread for "couples profile reviews". Those of us who are bi single females, or have been at one time, as well as the couples who have been with the unicorn, could review it for you. Maybe there would be some pointers we could give you in that which may help.

I apologize beforehand, since we had a poly relationship before and we're open to the idea, and the question was addressed to people who didn't. I guess I am going to be a little controversial among swingers here, but it's my take. From my experience with others swingers, their opinions and the way some of them express their jealously, by now I believe there are two approaches to swinging: 1) Those who understands the word love as having multiple meanings for which we don't have independent "nouns" in our vocabulary, hence you love many people and the meaning of love differs from one another, even is slightly, without feeling compelled to define nor linearly measure those feelings as to compare them in terms of "loving X more than Y". We belong to this class, and for us what matters is whether the one you love sticks (it loyal) to the particular commitment stated for this very relationship (and not "any" nor "some other" one), applying this criteria to every relationship, without caring to compare them. 2) Those who understands some parts of their sexuality as an activity dissociated from love, while retaining a "more conventional definition" of love that let's them compare the relationships in terms of "loving X more than Y" (even when I don't know how they manage to do it), and shifts the boundaries of their commitment further away from the conventions to enable themselves to share those parts of their sexuality with others (for example, some activities are "shareable" while others are preserved to express love, hence "off limits"). This is too rough as a definition, I know, but I believe the answer to your question depends ultimately on this initial approach. The "pure swingers" would be the later ones, they require more rules and precautions to avoid developing feelings beyond a point of tolerance because that increases the risk of perceiving what's going on with a third party would mean "they're loving less than they did before or less than that third party". And of course, this is the commitment and it should be preserved and enforced. What calls my attention regarding this subject is how the "pure swingers" perceive the "poly friendly" guys as a threat (much like a "vanilla couple" may perceive swingers as a threat), which for me is a sign of that operation of shifting boundaries they made. As for the "poly friendly", at least from those that share our approach, if we treasure relationships for what they are, without asking for more than fulfilling the expectations each other have about it, allowing us to call this "love" in certain cases, we don't impose any threat (beyond that of enabling a valid question about the subject) to the "pure swingers" since we (or unless) expect them to commit to their own private arrangement without asking for more. At most it is a matter of semantics.