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I just posted a thread under good experiences and you can read about ours. This was our very first swing experience (MFM) and that was just this past Friday. Here are a couple thoughts. I FELT I was ready to see my wife having fun but I wasn't 100% sure that my wife was ready. I'm very happy that the first experience was MFM because since then, over the last week I have seen her go from nervous prior to the experience to excited then afterwards back to nervousness and now to a total embracing attitude. This is completely CHEESY but it has been like watching a flower bloom. I too have felt like I've come out of a shell. It has opened my mind up to all of the possibilities. It was a liberating experience for us. Neither of us had ever had a swing experience before this night. I read many of the posts on this site and when you read mine you will see that it was NOT what we expected but it was great none the less. My biggest fear about the experience, prior to it happening, was that the other guy would be homophobic. I'm straight as straight can be but if I accidentally grabbed his hand because it was already on the breast I was reaching for (almost happened), I'm not worried about killing the mood. I can't say that for others. That might be a good follow up question. Anyone out there find guys that freak out from accidental touching. Hell, if I'm really into it, I might just slap the guys ass while he's enjoying my wife, just kidding. As far as the comment about the ex-boyfriend, that's too much for me. I'm very secure in my relationship but you never know about any issues that were never completely resolved that might fuck with emotions. We want our playtime with a couple that we have chemistry with, not a history with. To each their own though. Hope this helps.

I don't have any answers to the OP's original question - How to calm the nerves? However, I do have some advice based on experience. Be sure the third male understands what the roles of each male will be. Our first MFM was with a very experience man who took the lead, but made sure that each of us were equally involved. It was great for all of us as we shared making her feel great. The second the guy thought a threesome was just he and her hooking up with me not participating but only watching. This didn't go well and finally I had to end it prematurely. He was not a good candidate for what we had in mind.

We wouldn't be swinging should we didn't found an experienced swinger couple that provided advice and lots of patience, moreover, without even wanting to have sex with us (even when the attitude eventually worth the effort and we finally did it... being ourselves the ones starting it). The fact is, by then MOST of the swingers we meet were kind and caring, which not only evaporated our fears, but made us aware of the high moral standards they follow... so alike to ours. They had the same fears when they started, they've been there, and even more important for THEM, they were aware of how drama prone is to jump into the bed with a couple that may be engaging in swinging like kamikazes or as a way to solve their problems, and swingers hate drama. So we follow their lead... not only to the bed, also in being careful (in the broader sense of the word) with ANYONE we meet, disregarding how experienced they were, but moreover if they lack experience. And the fact that so many experienced swingers devote some of their valuable time to provide advice in here is a proof of those standards.