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I also think this is an interesting question and tend to agree with lustylearnings' husband. Total nail-on-head action. What I would add is that I don't think it comes down to a single person (in the best situations) within a couple, but the couple as a whole. Even if one S.O. were predisposed, without agreement (and similar predisposition) then swinging doesn't happen. That probably only makes sense to me... Spoomonkey

There is actually a rather simple answer to your question(s). We make a choice to have sex with different partners. WE, as a species, are NOT monogamous by nature, on the contrary, we tend to be mildly polygamous (albeit the term polygamous doesn't really reflect the desire to have sex with several partners, but rather reflects a "relationship" arrangement/marriage). In most cultures (but not all) we, as individuals are "conditioned" by the rules of society from a very early age to regard having several partners as something "deviant". So we internalize those rules and break them at every opportunity, being careful not to be found out, lest we suffer the negative consequences. Swinging (and swingers) on the other hand, appreciate and encourage extra-marital sex, knowing that sex does not equate(or interfere) with the emotional connection they have with their partners. This is liberating and tends to enhance the relationship between the couple. Swinging frees one from the shackles of sexual conformity impose by society, allows for exploration of desires, wishes, or curiosity. It allows individuals to be true to their sexual selves. Thus, as you see, swinging is part of a re-conditioning of individuals back to their natural sexual state. I could engage in a discussion of pedophilia and homosexuality (both pre-determine behaviours based on the size and structure of specific brain structures, and one could say "anomalies"), but it would take too long....LOL So, rest assure that one is not born a 'swinger" or carry the "swinger gene". After all, we are ALL born with the predisposition for extra-dyadic sexual interactions, one partner rarely satisfies one individual....some need many, many partners sexual exitment and variety), while others are satisfied with only a few. Cheers! DrZiggy

Boy, another one for interesting philosophical discussion... I'd have to start with the assumptions on this one... As I don't think there is conclusive proof that one's sexuality is defined genetically. Granted there is research that supports this theory, but there is research to support almost any viewpoint. Is homosexuality hardwired? Way off topic and a different discussion. We all choose to be active sexually, and if you agree with Darwinism, survival of the fittest and natural selection and all of those, then swinging becomes a quite natural extension of this in a world where monogamy is the cultural norm. The desire to seek out as many playmates as possible and "spreading your seed" far and wide. Yet intellect gives us the ability to control those desires. We are not forced to act upon them, but we choose to do so. Our theory is simple. Humankind is not designed to be monagamous, not in our basest form. We are always looking at others, contemplating what we see on a physical level. Culturally, we are in a monogamous society. This has been built through the ages to promote stability in society. This in itself causes so many arguments in different areas - homosexuality, marriage rights, even the abortion issue. If you notice, each one of those arguments is based on things that go against society's norms (primarily religion, the strongest enforcer of our society rules). Even watching porn is considered taboo in our society, and looked at in another way is a form of voyeurism and then possibly swinging (granted the couple or more on the DVD can't see you, but is it really that much different from same-room swinging?) Either way, we think the answer is this: we become swingers as we develop trust within our relationship and eliminate jealousy in our lives. As our bonds become stronger between us as a couple with others, it alleviates the natural sexual tension while forming bonds between the couples that promote friendship and openness. Is swinging an addiction? Quite possibly. While we all say we can stop if we needed to, we would feel some kind of withdrawl from the "fun days." Simply because we are closing part of ourselves off. It would be like grounding your child or taking away their favorite toy. Can they live without it? Sure. But something that is gone and lost does cause some kind of pain. Are we hardwired to be swingers? This has to be a no. We're hardwired to wander from person to person and express physical desires, but swinging is something that couples do together to explore their desires, with a foundation of a monogamous relationship. We've never heard of this kind of group mate seeking within the animal kingdom, (although it could exist), which leads us to think that this is a societal stabilizer that allows us as a group to relieve those tensions built up from fighting our natural wandering.

I know that, as swingers, we choose whether or not to act upon our desires to share ourselves and our most loved significant other, but do we actually choose to want to? It's generally (not always) agreed that being homosexual is not a choice. Being an active homosexual is a choice. Being heterosexual is not a choice, but being sexually active is. My lady says she doesn't choose to be a vegetarian, but that she physically finds it impossible to eat dead flesh, so she chooses to be an active vegetarian. Even paedophiles are treated with medication to curb their choosing to act upon their urges and it's recognised to be an "illness/state of mind" - i.e. they do not choose to be paedophiles, but they do choose whether or not to be active. If I never engaged in another swinging experience for the rest of my life, I think I always was and always will be a swinger by nature and that I have no choice in that. I only have choice whether or not to follow my nature. Or is swinging different to fundamental sexuality (homosexual, heterosexual, asexual, bi-sexual, bestial, paedohile etc., etc.)? Do we become swingers (or polyamorus) through curiosity and then sampling and ultimate consumption/engagement pleasure (leading even to addiction) - as with alcohol or drugs? There are probably many takes and opinions on this subject and where better to seek them than here, on this board?

So, those who are reading this, it’s a two part thread and in reverse order. We decided to post our “bad” experience first even though it happened on the last night of three nights at an on premise club in New Orleans. These three nights were our first swing experience, EVER! We are sure this is tame by most standards but it was exciting for us all the same! We went to the club the first night on a Thursday and the club was pretty slow. The upside was that it really gave us a chance to explore the club without any pressure. There were perhaps 13 couples in the place which wasn’t really a bad thing for us on our first night. Unfortunately, we were just too new to really approach anyone. We ended up spending a lot of time talking with the bartender and were able to ask a lot of questions. While we didn’t connect with anyone that night, we did go up to a semi-private room and we had several people who watched us have sex which was a lot of fun. We have been caught before by surprise by others completely unintentionally (umm….really) but this was our first true/intentional voyeuristic display. We have had a pretty wild “vanilla” lifestyle up to this point but being voyeuristic was still very sexy. We finished up and then went back to the hotel and just talked about all of the possibilities. Sorry no details, saving page space for the details on night number two. The second night we had our minds set that we were going to talk to other couples. We met a really nice couple from TX pretty quickly but we didn’t quite fell the connection so I politely told the couple. About 30 minutes later a single guy came into the club. I hate to sound judgmental here but all of the single guys we had seen in the club previously just seemed to be “slimy” or just dirty old men. This guy was very atypical. He was very young, in his mid-twenties. The bartender told us that the guy was new to the club. We had NOT planned on our first experience to be a threesome but I could tell right away that my wife was attracted to him. He did not look like any of the other men in the club. He looked…lost, lol. We decided to walk over and invite him to chat with the two of us. He was very shy. Almost to the point where we were tempted to ask him what he was doing at the club. If he was putting on a show then we bought it hook, line and sinker. He was under the impression that there would be single girls at the club, which we are sure there are on occasion, but there were none that night. We had his life story in about 45 minutes and we decided that we were all a fit. We went up to a private room where it was obvious that he was very uncomfortable in the situation. I politely said that there were no expectations and I left the two of them alone for a little bit so they could chat some. I knocked on the door a few minutes later and walked in and my wife asked me if I had gotten lost, lol. They were still standing where I had left them, at the base of the bed. My wife started kissing him. It was a mixture of uneasiness, anxiety and arousal but I was amazingly, not jealous. I was holding off joining at the moment. My wife would look up from kissing his neck every few minutes to ensure that I was still “okay” in the situation…very important to her. Her dress was a wrap so she untied it and it basically fell off. She had bought a new matching black VS bra and panties which she absolutely looked hot in. They did the whole undress each other thing. It was sexy as hell. The guy ended up being a little awkward but he had a very good body and a cock that was definitely thicker than mine. The foreplay was much shorter than my wife would have liked and when they actually began to have sex; the poor guy ended up cuming very quickly. He tried to play it off that it was the rubber that killed the erection but the situation was obvious to the both of us. We really felt bad for the guy but we were having a good time despite the trouble. I undressed and joined the two of them. We both took turns kissing my wife and she was really trying to build the guys confidence back up. I kissed my way down between her legs and began to orally please her. I looked up several times to see him kissing her and her stroking his cock. It was wildly exciting. The excitement of knowing that my wife’s heart was again beating rapidly, just like back in our lustful days, was an incredible turn on. We had anticipation of other fun things and we still have our silly “check list” of things we want to experience in a threesome but we have plenty of time and it gives us something to look forward to. He was never able to get hard again so I ended up taking my wife from behind while he watched. She still stroked his cock and kissed him while we were having sex. Overall, the experience would have seemed like a failure but we all had a good laugh and had a good time. It was a very good introduction with a very nice guy.

I think when it comes down to it, everyone is attracted to people around them, whether they are married or not, and no matter how long they are married. What they (and we) choose is how to act on those feelings. Do we have a choice to feel attracted to others? I don't think so. Do we have a choice on having fantasies about other people? I don't think so. I do think everyone makes a choice on what they are comfortable accepting in their lives and sexuality is just a part of that.