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I can't really ad to what the others have said except for the following. Having been the other couple in a situation like this with newbies that didn't adequately explain their limitations before we got to the play room, I can explain what happened here. When you returned to the room and saw what was happening, my guess is, your feelings about it were plainly visible by the expression on your face. When that happens to us we immediately get dressed and exit the situation as fast as possible in an attempt to avoid the drama that is obviously coming. So, while your girl apparently went further than you had agreed, based on what you have said here, the other couple is not to blame in the least, as you didn't tell them what your rules were, so they had no way of knowing that they were breaking them. Furthermore, you said, If I were the other couple and heard you ask that I would have assumed we were good to go all the way if your girl friend agreed. I would also argue that after you asked that question, your girl friend may have been under the same impression. In other words, she may very well have thought after you asked that question that you would approve of her doing what she did.

Not that I really have a dog in this fight, I do have to say I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it this way. And Famous, you and I are somewhat in the same boat here, and I do believe we both have a decision to make and it's this. Either forgive her or leave her. But holding this thing over her head will serve no purpose at all. Demanding she grovel and strive to regain your trust, hell I don't even know how she'd do that. All it will do is create resentment that will manifest itself in other ways. Then one thing will lead to another and it'll become an avalanche and there will be no fixing it once that happens. I think it really comes to this. We have to decide rather to trust them again and then just see what happens. And if their not worth the risk, just cut em loose and move on, but what I won't do is belittle her or drag this thing out any longer than necessary for me to understand where we both stand. Once that's understood, make the call and live with it. That said, I can very much relate to how you feel, I'd be pretty torqued myself. Best of luck amigo

Ok. We're going to be blunt here - If you want to keep your relationship, get rid of the ultimatum mindset. She is not the only one who can fix this, as it takes at least two to have a working relationship. That being said, something is definitely wrong with this picture. Your rules obviously allow you to do anything with someone else other than actual intercourse.. ok.. got it. So grinding is ok? What happens if you're naked and grinding and something slips into just the right position? Does just one accidental stroke count as breaking the rules? Look at yourselves and ask each other why you do this... What does it bring to the table that keeps you going back for more? Unless you're already unhappy, it should bring excitement and enjoyment watching your SO enjoy the PHYSICAL pleasure of being with another. Right now it sounds to us like you're wanting your cake and trying to eat it too. She didn't go off and have an affair with someone, she went off and got carried away by a physical moment of pleasure. It's entirely possible that the shoes could be reversed on this one and you having crossed that line. Think about that. Consider if you had just a little bit more to drink and a hot lady was in your lap grinding and wiggled just right. That can happen just as easily. Would you be disgusted with yourself, keep it to yourself, or would you face the music willingly and admit it, especially if your SO didn't see? You have entered into a world where physical acts happen between people, and it is entirely possible to get carried away. Walk a couple of miles in her shoes before you make an ultimatum about her making this up to you. And for that matter, it is YOUR responsiblity to help her make up for it - by establishing reasonable guidelines to do so, and to be open to her doing so. We are all human (I haven't met an alien yet) and we ALL make mistakes. Allowing yourself to realize just that one point will take you a long way towards rebuilding your relationship and your trust. But trust is a 2 way street, just as respect is. You have to give it to get it.