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I know exactly how you feel. I had an almost identical situation along with the same excuses. I spent the last couple of months lower than a snake's belly. The ugly feelings do pass. It takes a lot of talk, trying to understand and thinking about things. I can't even count the sleepless nights. And Julie is right in asking do you want to be right or be happy. My best advice is give it 90 days and then see how you feel. Don't make hasty decisions based on a highly emotional scenario. It's not a lot of time out of your life to be absolutely sure. Good luck.

I find your predicament interesting and multidimensional. Here you are, two couples who play exclusively and have been for a good while. You are all okay with this arrangement and enjoy it. You guys have found that you are open to MM sex but your wives have stated they are not open to MM sex, yet they enjoy FF sex. Problem now is that you've already broken a rule. (I don't like calling it cheating at this point because I don't think it fits.) However, if you continue to have MM sex with each other without your wives knowledge and permission, you will then be cheaters, IMO. You say you "know it will happen again." I don't think you guys will be able to live with your secret. It will eat you up and erode your relationship with your wives and your friendship. Lardub has brought up something to consider. Your wife may be saying what she thinks she should say. Her views may also be a "habit of thinking" that she would change, if given the opportunity. I used to think swingers were disgusting human beings, now I'm a swinger! I had a moment of input from someone with a different perspective and although it strained & troubled my mind for a day or two, it got me thinking, and I decided to learn more, and discuss swinging with my husband. I think you need to take the risk of opening up to your wife and discussing what you have discovered about yourself and admit to what you have done. I feel for you, your predicament isn't fair in many ways. But continuing to play without permission is not the answer.

Hi surga22 ~ Welcome to the Swingers Board! From the way your post is written, you don't sound excited about - or even interested in - having a MFM with your boyfriend and his best buddy. That right there is reason enough not to consider it. Yes, husbands and boyfriends can enjoy seeing their woman having sex with other men, but that is usually something that they are comfortable with only after the relationship is long-standing, where love, respect, and trust have grown over time. If you are considering the MFM only to please your boyfriend, or because you fear you'll lose him if you don't agree to his request, then I suggest you do not proceed. My gut tells me this guy is only thinking of himself. He may get off on sharing his girlfriends with his buddies...kind of an ego trip for him. He may have a reputation for this behavior among his circle of close buddies. If I were in your shoes, IF/WHEN I was ready to consider a MFM I'd tell my boyfriend this: I'll think about a MFM, however, I'm not interested in your buddy. If I decide to have a MFM I would want to choose the other male, maybe someone I know well and have had sex with before. Of course, you'd get to meet him first to make sure you were comfortable with being in a MFM with him. We both need to be comfortable if we do this. I'd say that to him for two reasons: 1) to test this guy out and 2) to let him know where I stand. If he balked at me having some say in what I DO WITH MY BODY then this guy isn't worth my time of day. I'd drop him. I hope you come back to post and let us know more about you and your relationship with your boyfriend. Ask any further questions you'd like. When the time comes that you feel good and ready to explore MFM sex, the Swingers Board is packed with good information and advice. Please take advantage of what it can offer you. LM

To answer the question of cheating yes I believe it is. Now in regards to your delema have you a history of rejecting gay males. Lets be a little more descriptive with my question here. As with any close relationship a number of topics concerning sex come up, the last ten years have brought gay marriage to the for front in the media with numerous churches splitting over the dispute. Certainly you have discussed this with her. Communication is paramount in this lifestyle. Do you recall ever stating that you don't see the attraction and can't understand how males could find this attractive. Have you even stood behind them and said it doesn't hurt me but its not my cup of tea. In short have you projected to her that it was the furthest thing from your mind, and you could never do it, that to you it was unnatural, could this be perhaps a basis of the girls stance on the matter. Before we even had given swapping the time of day we belonged to a church that underwent the same sex controversy, both of us were on the hetero side of the fence and saw it as a threat to our values and our children. we I thought were being honest with each other, in fact we were being dishonest to each other. Both of us in our past had same sex encounters and kept it secret from each other. We are proof that it isn't some evil that takes over as we met, fell in love married and had children. Now that we communicate and have opened up to each other we have both come clean and it hasn't made us love each other less. she doesn't look at me different. It has opened up a whole new set of experiences we can enjoy if it ever comes up because we have been honest. You guys have to sit the Ladies down and discuss this and throw it all out on the table, its a double standard pure and simple and you have to let them know that it is something you wish to explore with them, not excluding them. Let them know that this is a journey you want to take with them as couples. Hopefully this works out for you.

This is how love works. It is only when we really love someone that they can really hurt us. It happens. It happens to every couple who really love each other at some point. Not necessarily in this way, but it does happen. We hurt each other. When that happens, when we break trust, the hurt party has to decide how much they really love this person, and do they love them enough to forgive them and take the chance at being hurt again - because that is what you do when you love someone - you take a chance. I hope that when she leaves you might open your eyes and see this and maybe see that you do love her enough to take a chance. But, if you do not see that then it is good she left - good for both of you that she moved on. Good that you both now have a chance to find someone who really loves you and who you really love enough to allow to hurt you. Best of all, it's good that it happened early before you had any real commitments to each other.